Why therapy doesnt work...

[MyWillow]

Oh! And I have done SO much psychoeducation based on little things my T brings up and just leaves hanging for me to consider. And she knows it. I'm a scientist so I read all the journal papers. But she is very careful about what she "names" or "diagnoses" me with because that's a whole other level of denial. Not something I can control right now. Part of my brain accepts what's happening, another part is in full blown denial.

 

[Suzetig]

I told him just a tiny bit of how my mom used to hit me... After a few sessions he kept referring to my past experiences as childhood neglect. He was minimizing. I can't trust him anymore.

Is it minimising though? I hear you felt he minimised your mum hitting you but I’m wondering if, in your description of your childhood, he has heard behaviour that’s been neglectful on the part of your parents separate from the hitting. I don’t know what you’ve told him about the hitting but given children have been physically disciplined since time began he may not realised that it reached a level of physical abuse from your description of it.

Btw there’s nothing “minimal” about neglect, part of my job involves reviewing the deaths of children who have been abused and in every single case neglect was a significant issue. In my book, naming something as neglect suggests there was something very badly wrong in the way the child is cared for.

 

[Mee]

neglect is indeed very damaging and in different ways from abuse. My T and I separate the two.

I would perhaps say that this is an opportunity to raise it with him and face it so you don’y minimise it. My T values when I state clearly where I agree and clarify and where I fon’t feel the definitions sit right for me.

is it also possible that this therapist is not right for you? My first t was not. My current t is. The sessions are really different and feel very ’human’.

 

[Emotional girl]

@Moo How would you feel if he called it childhood trauma instead of abuse ?
My father used to hit me beyond discipline and my mother is a naracissit who often puts me down with her words and my T hardly ever calls it abuse instead he will describe my parents as the ones with the problems who took it out on their child but as the child I was completely innocent.He will also mainly describes it as childhood trauma.
I know you are having a difficult time in therapy at the moment and you are confused by your feelings but I think that is completely natural to feel that way.Therapy can be really difficult at times especially when you are talking about emotive subjects.Take your time and once you start to open up and start to trust your T then you will find things will fall into place a bit more and with the trust you will be able to ask him all the questions that you need answering.
Keep going as you are doing better than you think you are.

 

[Gs172003]

im counter dependent
i feel bad after therapy
i feel full of conflict
going to therapy ignites my inner...

What would you rather he say?

 

[Justmehere]

But I will get equally frustrated with him if he starts calling it abuse.

Maybe it’s not about what he calls the abuse but the abuse itself.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

Is it minimising though? I hear you felt he minimised your mum hitting you but I’m wondering if, in y...

By neglect he means emotional neglect in my case...not enough bonding causing failure to thrive and attachment issues.

neglect is indeed very damaging and in different ways from abuse. My T and I separate the two.

I woul...

My session s feel very human as well... To the point where I forget to pay him sometimes after I leave cause it feels like I was talking to an uncle or smth.. I remember hours later and e transfer then..

I have two very split parts one that hates him and thinks he is not the right one and one who gets really upset and says no when I think about switching T's. I asked him whether I should get multiple T's to deal with the conflict but he doesn't think it's a good idea bc it might cause confusion. He thinks it's better to work through the conflict.

@Moo How would you feel if he called it childhood trauma instead of abuse ?
M...

Thanks.. I think part of the problem is how I present myself in therapy doesn't match up with what I feel outside of therapy. For example last week I was struggling with suicidal thoughts and all I could think about was that I need to be hospitalized somewhere where I'm surrounded by people like myself cause I don't know how to live..

In therapy I downplayed it a bit and said I'm depressed and sometimes I feel like I'm at my breaking point and think about going away somewhere for treatment. His response was that that will go in your medical record.. How about you text me when you feel down and I can spend ten minutes talking with you to lift you up....

After I left I was like I told him i was depressed to the degree of hospitalization and he was more concerned about my medical record. What a jerk!

 

[Suzetig]

Failure to thrive is is a medical/psychosocial assessment and is caused by pretty high level neglect - assuming it was professionally assessed and not just a turn of phrase. In such situations I don’t think focusing on neglect is in any way minimising what happened to you.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

@Moo How would you feel if he called it childhood trauma instead of abuse ?
M...

Childhood trauma is too broad... This is an illogical issue.. There is nothing he can say that would make me feel good..i have a sensitivity problem around this issue that I don't understand well. But what I think is that bc no one paid attention to what was going on or defended my parents . I've become hypersensitive... If anyone tries to name it or explain it at all my fight part comes out.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

Failure to thrive is is a medical/psychosocial assessment and is caused by pretty high level neglect -...

I think it was just turn of phrase...my T is good but he isn't a medical professional and I don't think he's done a thorough assessment....another reason to mistrust him

 

[Suzetig]

Failure to thrive (as a medical concept) is assessed in childhood so he wouldn’t be assessing from that now. My reason for asking about it being a turn of phrase is because neglect and and of itself can cause enormous physical harm to a child and I hear you say it sounded like he was minimising your experience.

You do sound in two minds about him and whether he’s right for you.

 

[Mee]

Moo, I empathise with your struggle about residential care. I have mentioned this to my husband, therapist and a friend who is a psychologist. Both the psychologist and my therapist and in fact a third friend were HIGHLY opposed to this course of action and it was hard for me to feel as if they were not seeing my situation as seriously as I did. This was when my suicide urges were at there worst too.

My T has taken EXACTLY the same line as yours ’ text me and as soon as I can i’ll call and we’ll touch base for ten minutes ’. She pointed out that residential care would itself be traumatising and that my few remaining ’safe places’ ( autonomy to shut out the world, not let people in / answer door/ phone, have sanctury of a private bedroom ) would be lost.

When I dipped last week and I felt unsafe with myself again I felt that urge again ; that inability to be responsible for myself and the duties I have. It's terrifying. For me knowing I can make the text helps but I feel guilty to make it, too guilty. The pressure of time not alloyed to me, imposing on her free time, bringing bad stiff into her good day, all that kind of stuff. But she told me too. One day maybe i’ll have to? And maybe if you or I do it will be progress?