Was my therapist now my best friend

[Friday]

So I have been waiting (and working) all day for the call.

:sneaky: Try turning your phone off.

Another good transition thing, when you aren’t yet at the point of blocking a number, and your phone doesn’t have individualized call-ducking (forwards all calls from that number into voicemail, and doesn’t alert for texts), or you don’t feel you have the willpower not to be checking your ignore-list every 2 minutes or the emotional strength to see the messages when you go to make another call (ie pretty much everyone in the first couple weeks of breaking up)? Burner phone. They can be as cheap as $5 all the way up to a couple hundred dollars. Plus a $2 per day unlimited calls/texts plan (if you don’t plan on using it every day), lets you just shut off your regular phone, stick it in a drawer, and go about your life

It’s cumbersome, so most people only do the transition thing (either ignore list, or burner phone) for a couple of weeks while they get used to not asking “How high?” when the other person says “Jump.” It’s normal for transitions to be fairly rough. When you care about someone, taking a step back can be really hard. Even when you know it’s the absolute right thing to do.

 

[Bird33]

@NightSky I just don’t understand why it hasn’t happened with my new therapist or with anyone else for that matter. Why her?

 

[NightSky]

@NightSky I just don’t understand why it hasn’t happened with my new therapist or...

I never felt this way with previous therapists. Maybe it’s sonething about how your inner child perceived her ability to understand and/or help you, that you haven’t encountered in other relationships.

 

[Bird33]

@Friday I do turn my phone off at times but I have three kids (that are all driving) so I usually keep it on if they need me. I have since things have changed out my phone away at night. I used to keep it so close by but I have changed my habits. It has helped somewhat.

@NightSky Yes maybe. She has a good sense of humor and some trauma stuff which none of my other friends have so I felt like she really understands me.

 

[Sideways]

You’ve commented a couple of times that your hubby could help out with managing these calls and texts for you, but that would be humiliating.

If you can? Maybe talk to him about this. For all that you feel humiliated? It might actually be something that he’d really like the opportunity to help you with. It’s okay of you feel humiliated, but you don’t need to feel that way, because someone in a position of authority has taken advantage of you. It happens. It’s not your fault.

And it seems like the kind of thing that, if you could allow hubby to help you? That would be potentially incredibly powerful for your relationship with hubby, your trust in him, and the role he can play in your recovery moving forward.

 

[Bird33]

@Sideways Often we talk and text during the day when we are working. My husband is not with me. The humiliation is bc he saw how much I needed her. I felt terrible. And you know guys (no offense) they are always trying to solve things rather than just listen and be supportive. Bless him!

 

[Friday]

kids (that are all driving)

:D Same! Well. Just one. Still, being reachable by kiddos in the event of an emergency (or to be able to prevent one... Mom? Should I...YES! :tup: NO! :eek: ) = damn good reason to always be reachable.

Why is why if you’re not at block number...the call-screening or burner phone suggestion.

It’s a lot like using time-outs to learn to control your temper... by not being instantly available to someone you’re learning to distance yourself from, but only checking/returning calls & texts once a day, or once every few days, week, few weeks? Starts adding in a bit of internal regulation, by creating external regulation.

 

[Bird33]

@Friday Gotta love the kiddos and mom? Mom? Mom? Hahahaha!
Yes, I agree with you and I have been doing just that not instantly returning calls or texts. It’s a process. I guess I just question if I am overreacting. I worry I guess bc I was the client and she was the therapist. So I have to be the wrong one. That’s where I go I guess.

 

[EveHarrington]

Would it help to remember that she is violating the ethics of her licensing body? And she isn’t above the rules that enable her to stay licensed, right? And with just one phone call her license could be put in jeopardy because she isn’t following the rules that are designed to keep you, the client, safe. She’s essentially committing malpractice.

Would keeping this in mind remind you that you’re not in the wrong here?

 

[Ronin]

I just question if I am overreacting.

If so? You could be overreacting in waay worse, and way less socially acceptable, ways.

You are not causing any harm to anyone trying to get out of a relationship that is not working for you and actively hurts you.

Neither are you embarassing anyone, yourself included, by needing support during it.

 

[Bird33]

@EveHarrington Yes I guess if you put it that way. I would never do report her bc I am an adult and made the decision to be friends too. But I understand what you are saying.

@Ronin Thank you for saying that it’s okay to need support in this. I feel like I should just be able to handle this and I am so frustrated with myself for having such a difficult time with this for so long. I am usually a pretty strong person but I am not at all with this. This is breaking me. I don’t understand it and I am so frustrated by it.

 

[NightSky]

@EveHarrington Yes I guess if you put it that way. I would never do report her bc I a...

I think maybe try to have compassion for the younger attach part of you. Of course your adult self struggles to understand why it’s so hard, but that’s not the part that feels like she needs to be saved. This doesn’t have to do with being weak vs strong. Attachment issues are incredibly painful because they come from such a young, vulnerable place/part. The littler the part the bigger the feelings.