ED (healthy) alternatives to restricted eating for gaining control?

[bellbird]

I'm starting to really struggle with my eating habits. I've been restricting my eating for the past several weeks, though these last few days I'm feeling like this is very fast becoming a slippery slope. I use losing weight (and seeing the numbers on the scales going down every morning) as a compensation for the lack of control I have over my nightmares especially. I also suppose I use it as a form of punishment towards myself- after being in an abusive relationship up until 3 months ago, I feel like this is my way of saying: no, the only person who has the right to hurt me is myself.
But the (very small) rational part of me knows that things are just going to get worse as there's only so much weight I can lose before I get very ill. My doctor and counselor know this is happening, and at this stage they are encouraging me to just have an open mind about potentially seeing a dietician or out-patient type place, though at this stage it would all be voluntary as I'm not ill enough to be involuntary yet - it would be trying to stop this before it gets totally out of control.

I suppose I'm just wanting to ask if anyone has been through similar experiences/ has any suggestions for an alternative (and healthy, non-destructive) means of control that could take the place of this disordered eating, as I feel that control is really what this boils down to. I've thought about controlling my weight to be the same, or increasing slightly to an arguably healthier weight, but they just don't fill space for me in the same way.

 

[Friday]

I went all ‘foodie anorexic’ halfways on accident.

The element of control is still there, the time spent thinking/planning is still there, the punishment is still there to a degree (sourcing ingredients esp, haggling, having to be very social in very public = exhausting = as does the physical work of making a lot of stuff)... and then I added in cooking for luxury diets (vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian, paleo, etc.), religious diets, & medical diets for even more added challenge :bag: And out of sheer stubbornness added in college level nutrition courses (didnt minor much less major, but enough to solidly understand the basics. No fads. No nonsense. ) and insisted on meeting those standards, as well. :bag::bag: And then there’s also the cost. My grocery bill, bought straight (all ingredients from one store, at full price), would have been over 2k per month. I got it to under 600 a month by shopping regularly at 5 stores, individually at up to about a dozen others (duck from Wu’s ONLY!), by keeping a running tally of prices/sales and building relationships with vendors.
:bag: :bag: :bag:

I went from not being able to boil an egg (without half being raw and the other half being overcooked) and burning water :facepalm: (it’s a thing), to being a decent enough cook that one of my fallback jobs is working in restaurants. (It’s where I learned to cook, and how I feel into the foodie anorexic thing on accident). I’m a talentless hack as far as chef-ry is concerned (soooo not a chef, nor ever wish to be), but I can seriously cook. Enough that talented people will take me on. Mostly I prefer not to work in restaurants. I don’t need that much punishment! But if I need the cash, put me in the back of the house with the food, (and music! And laughter! :D But also “the food” :meh: ) rather than the front and... gulp... people. (shudder).

I still have a lot of complicated food issues, but the core of them is based in trauma, rather than in anorexia. At least in part because I can scratch all the ED itches in really healthy ways. So disordered eating is still problematic, but the eating disorder side is well looked after, if that makes sense?

 

[MyWillow]

Oh. I didn't realise this was a thing. Feeling stressed to the point of not being hungry....(I am tall and slim and a foodie)....I end up eating one main meal a day. If I have a decent breakfast (muesli, yoghurt and berries) I don't eat lunch or much dinner. I skip breakfast, have a nice lunch, then it's a few biscuits and cheese and wine for dinner. Hmmmm....I hate it when you lot are so honest ;) My T keeps talking about control. Damn you all :roflmao:

 

[littleoc]

Oh. I didn't realise this was a thing. Feeling stressed to the point of not being hungry....(I am tall...

I do something similar to this.


If I don't feel like eating or feel like I don't want to eat, I pull out this little guide a hospital gave me once that tells me what kinds of foods I should be eating, and work from there.

The other day, for example, I really didnt want to eat, all day. By 11pm I could have gone to bed, but instead I got control of myself and accepted the fact that I won't get better if I keep doing this to myself. And I can try to force that healthy feeling in a different, non-damaging way. Overtime. The guide said for dinner, have one protein, some carbs, a fat, a vegetable, and water. So, I made broccoli cheddar soup, white rice with plant butter, and English muffins with animal butter. It was fast and I was able to eat it slowly and it felt light. White rice in whole milk is another thing I go to occasionally (taught to me by a Chinese roommate in college who had similar issues), as well as oatmeal with raisins in milk. Anything to get those basics.

I also exercise and am building my muscles back after a long period of barely being able to walk. My goal is to be athletic again -- ambitious, but it doesn't have to mean big sports stuff anymore. My point is, though, muscle helps you gain healthy weight AND keep it, because maintenance of muscle takes energy for as long as the muscle exists. It changes your metabolism, and encourages you to eat certain nutrients to keep up your muscly health.

I hope that maybe something here will help you :)

 

[Rugby02]

I've chosen to be kind to myself recently while maintaining great control. (Formerly had a lifetime of eating issues with my weight.) Six days per week I'm on course and on the 7th I eat whatever my mind imagines. BFL by Bill Phillips is my baseline on eating and exercise although I don't push to the nth degree on crunching out a heavy set anymore.

Six days per week, I consume Plnt protein shakes every three hours or so (I set alarms to remind me, lol) for the main part of the day and ample water because it doesn't require cooking and it's fast on busy days. Then I consume one healthy meal in the mid-afternoon or evening. If I eat earlier then I zonk out with sleeping which makes my day useless.

Some of my very healthy friends in their 70s have done this for a lifetime with a full and active lifestyle sans eating issues. I've gone from 191# to mid-140s# over a year. All my labs reflect great health and great teeth.

Grocery bill: less than $300/month most of the time.

 

[littleoc]

Another thing:

Don't let mental illness take control over you by tricking you into thinking it's you taking control of nightmares.

Take control by being healthy :)

 

[MyWillow]

Damn. That's what the alcohol is for lol

 

[EveHarrington]

Stop weighing every morning.

If you can’t stop weighing, get rid of your scale.

This helped me stay away from unhealthy habits getting worse when I was so sick I was eating practically nothing.

 

[mumstheword]

I avoided food for years. I wanted to be anorexic. Childbearing saved me. Still, it wasn't until I was 33 that I stopped deliberately undereating. I've found since that my body doesn't trust me so much. Long term deprivation can do that It stores and withholds too easily now. If I undereat my body fights back by making me tired and hungry.Mindful balancing, self-care, exercise and self-compassion work much better in the long run, I've found.

 

[bellbird]

Yes that makes sense @Friday thanks for sharing :) I definitely can understand the 'foodie anorexic' thing.

@MyWillow this completely describes me:

....(I am tall and slim and a foodie)....I end up eating one main meal a day.

I cook all my own food, no junk food, which I think makes it that much harder to see all that time and money just sitting in the fridge and going to waste.

Yes that helps thanks @littleoc . Exercise has been helpful for me in the past, but something I've given up recently (which I probably should get back into doing). I used to do quite regular pilates and yoga (just from youtube videos so I didn't have to do it in a room packed with other people), so I maybe I will try slowly transitioning back into exercise. Also nice work for being able to take back healthy control of yourself in that example you gave. This was a really important reminder too:

Don't let mental illness take control over you by tricking you into thinking it's you taking control of nightmares.

I've chosen to be kind to myself recently while maintaining great control. (Formerly had a lifetime of eating issues with my weight.) Six days per week I'm on course and on the 7th I eat whatever my mind imagines

I'm really glad that you've been able to do that @Rugby02 :) and the 6 days per week idea sounds quite good.

Stop weighing every morning

Yeah it is such a bad trap to fall into @EveHarrington I resisted the temptation for so long because I knew as soon as I started weighing I would just keep doing it. They're my flatmate's scales that are just in our communal bathroom though. When I had eating disorder issues 3 years ago I had my own scales but threw them out when I recovered as I knew they were toxic for me but these are a little harder to avoid now.

Mindful balancing, self-care, exercise and self-compassion work much better in the long run, I've found

Thanks @mumstheword :)

 

[Rugby02]

The six days per week REALLY works for me. I could never give up forever on _____. But I can postpone for a few days and think about ____!!!

If I have a planned outing, I can make that my off day OR I can just hit my mile markers and then tell myself that on a certain particular day I'm going to eat a gazillion French fries slathered in ketchup along with another gazillion hamburgers---the end result is that my service dog barks when we get in the drive-thru because there is just no way in tarnation that I can eat it all and the dog knows he gets the rest. I won't let myself out of the car until it's gone so that none of that junk goes into my house. I even take the junk bag to the outdoor trash.

The bizarre part that kicked it into high gear is that as I ate it, I just mentally decided that my body would kick my metabolism a notch to take care of all of the sudden influx of extra calories. The Secret by Rhonda Byrne can probably explain this phenomena best.

Goofy, maybe but my plan works for me and I feel that it can be replicated for my lifetime:) It took me about six weeks to really get into the rhythm of it all though then it became habit.

 

[ChanandlerBong]

I'm starting to really struggle with my eating habits. I've been restricting my eating for the past se...

I’ve struggled with an eating disorder as a way of control since I was very young due to trauma. I restrict and weigh myself multiple times a day. I’ve been told to meal prep and exercise lightly as a healthy way to control, but sometimes I take it to the extreme. There is always that root for wanting control and the best advice I can give is to continue seeing a therapist and a dietician to explore and heal. Your feelings are valid. The only thing that sucks about dietitians is that insurance is literally Satan and won’t cover a lot