My husband says that i'm selfish

[Gs172003]

I had the same conversation with my ex about me "not being enough". Remember your husband has flaws...

I don't know what's going on with me.

 

[Supervixn]

It's ok. I rarely know wtf is going on with me either.... seriously. How do you feel? What's confusing to you right now?

 

[Gs172003]

It's ok. I rarely know wtf is going on with me either.... seriously. How do you feel? What's confusi...

I just realized something a few minutes ago. My husband went back to his "sex addicts" recovery group after a long hiatus because of work a couple of weeks ago. I know what kind of men he is in that group with ( his issue was porn) and I realized that day that it triggers me. I didn't realize until today just how long and how much.
It really is me.

 

[Supervixn]

Yeah but you're okay to feel hurt and triggers happen. Id be outta whack too, paranoid, worried, insecure etc. Are you in counciling?

 

[Gs172003]

Yeah but you're okay to feel hurt and triggers happen. Id be outta whack too, paranoid, worried, inse...

Yes but I've only been back for about a month. I went for about six months a year ago and quit.

I am calming some now that I've ID'd the trigger but at the same time his statements weren't ok either. But he's all I've got besides my kids.

 

[Supervixn]

Be gentle with yourself. This is normal and part of our process. We are human. Can I suggest journaling your feelings or even writing your husband a letter? There should be an agreement between you two about name calling bc it's not helpful to either of you..

 

[Gs172003]

Be gentle with yourself. This is normal and part of our process. We are human. Can I suggest journa...

I know :( it got very heated.
I think he gets overwhelmed because he's all the support I've really got.

 

[Supervixn]

I think he gets overwhelmed because he's all the support I've really got.

This is what really strained my last relationship. I had moved to another state to be with him, I didnt know anybody and had no support from home, and he was the only friend I had. I understand how it feels :(!

 

[blackemerald1]

Maybe when things settle a little ask your husband to not speak about your sleeping arrangements or other private, adult & marital issue's with your daughter?

I think kid's should be left out of those things but just my thought on this.

 

[Gs172003]

Maybe when things settle a little ask your husband to not speak about your sleeping arrangements o...

Agreed. This is not the first time he has told personal things to somebody else.

 

[blackemerald1]

I think he needs to learn about boundaries then.

Personal stuff btwn couples probably should have agreed boundaries I'd suggest.

Marriage takes a lot of persistence & patience. I wish you luck!

 

[Gs172003]

I think he needs to learn about boundaries then.

Personal stuff btwn couples probably should hav...

Thank you. This is all so danged hard!