Sufferer Car hit by a drug driver during police pursuit

[reaching_out]

Hi everyone.

This is my first time on a forum. Thanks for having me.

I'm here because I've been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression. Nearly 2 years ago, I was on my way home from work when my car was hit by a drug driver who was being pursued by police. He failed a roadside drugs test and eventually got 18 months in prison. Incidentally, I was a police officer at the time.

I've had counselling and EMDR but I don't feel like it's helped. I'm on citalopram too. I still feel the effects of the physical injury of the crash.

My main issues right now are avoidance (I have a huge pile of solicitor's paperwork and thinking about it makes me feel physically sick). I also get what I call 'anxiety waves', where I'll be getting on with something and then out of nowhere this sick, anxious feeling will hit me in the stomach. It can happen any time, anywhere, and it just makes me want to sob and scream and beg for someone to help me. I haven't driven since the crash and being in a car is not a good experience. I feel like, through no my fault of my own, my independence and confidence were taken away from me in the blink of an eye. I hate being alone in my mind - the worst time of day for me is when my partner falls asleep at night. I feel like everything I do is just a distraction from dealing with what's really going on in my mind.

I have a sense of utter desperation and loneliness in these feelings. I've read lots of the threads on here and I already feel less alone.

Thank you.

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums!

 

[Sweetleaf]

I feel like, through no my fault of my own, my independence and confidence were taken away from me in the blink of an eye. I hate being alone in my mind - the worst time of day for me is when my partner falls asleep at night. I feel like everything I do is just a distraction from dealing with what's really going on in my mind.

You're not the only one that has to deal with those sorts of feelings. Many other people, with many varied, different trauma histories, have similar feelings.

My trauma didn't involve any vehicles or any accidents. Yet I, too, feel like my independence, and confidence, has been stripped from me. I feel like I am distracting myself, so often, when I do things. Often, I am legitimately intentionally trying hard to distract myself, and sometimes it's impossible. It helps to talk to others though, it can really help me pull myself out of panic attacks, and other things. Yet I isolate. I too hate being alone in my mind, but it helps to reach out, and talk with others who have to deal with some of the same things. I'm glad you came to the forum, it is really helpful that this place exists. It has legitimately helped me progress faster in my healing, because it really helps me sort out my thoughts, and feel better about things sometimes. All sorts of benefits of being here. Thanks for coming along. Welcome.

 

[mamachick]

What set mine off was a fall in a grocery store. They cleaned and did not put up any signs. I had a head injury, a broken rib the hospital initially missed, which caused a collapsed lung. This was the beginning of changes. Two yrs later I was assaulted by a police officer who thought I was someone else. This is when the hard symptoms began. However, after the store accident, I avoided large stores and if I had to go, I was hypervigilent. It was caused by negligence but it wasn't the feeling of blame, more that in just one second, my life could be changed by such physical damage. Glad you are here....you are not alone.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome to the forum. :hug:

 

[LuckiLee]

Hi there. Glad you found us!

My guy is a combat veteran and he's not a fan of paperwork either. He would procrastinate until he was down to the wire and all h*ll would break loose. Through alot of trial and a whole lot of tribulations we came up with a plan...

Memory loss is a problem for my guy. He wasn't able to read and comprehend a question let alone answer it. So now we do paperwork together. Sometimes we have to go over a question a few times before he completely understands it. It's not easy sometimes. It definitely fills his stress cup. Maybe you have someone who could help you through it?

So sorry you're struggling right now but you came to the right place. This is a very supportive and understanding community.

Good luck on your journey.

 

[Rugby02]

@Link Removed, welcome to the Forum and kudos to you for introducing yourself. Like you, I have issues with paperwork piling up--even the checks that just need to be deposited are in that pile.What steps are you trying to implement to get the pile under control? Is it just specific paperwork like legal stuff? Or is it everything in general?

This is what I am trying to implement--I pick a day that I'm doing nothing else except to get to the bottom of the pile. I have a shredder, recycle bin and file cabinet nearby . I drink a whole lot of something with sugar and caffeine to make me too wired to do anything else. Plus, I put on some angry music because I'm super amped. Then, I triage for the shredder/recycle (it's amazing how much garbage there is). From there, I create the file pile and file it. The hardest part is the pile that I have to something with because just getting a stamp on an envelope to mail a deposit is sometimes too much. But, my goal remains to get to the bottom of the pile. But, for some odd reason, if I do this once a month then things are manageable. I consider myself a success if I can get it done every month.

I'm keen to know what challenges you have and what works for you. Have you considered hiring someone to help you with the solicitor's paperwork? it helped me a lot for a few hundred $$$.

Be well.

 

[reaching_out]

Thank you for your replies everyone - they mean an awful lot.

I actually had a brave day a few months back and did an initial sort-out of the paperwork. All that's really left is to send a list of my losses to my solicitor, but it feels like a big challenge. I'm not looking forward to thinking and contemplating each one. I'm going to take your advice and pencil in a whole day, and ask my partner to keep the day free to help me. I'm going to wear my comfiest clothes and put on my favourite playlist - do every little thing I can to make the big thing more manageable.

Thanks again everyone.