Was my therapist now my best friend

[Bird33]

@Scarlet13 i understand now that the relationship should have stayed professional. It’s good that you can see that and can talk with your therapist about it.

I have not told my ex therapist that I even told my new therapist. When my ex therapist and I began our friendship relationship we talked about what we would say to family and friends about how we met. None of her family knows I was a patient. My husband, sister and a few friends know because they knew her name as my therapist so I could not say differently.

 

[littleoc]

Almost like she knows it's inappropriate

 

[ms spock]

Do you think my ex therapist purposely picked me and do you think she is doing what she is doing on purpose?

You had friends, and she had no friends. She found out that you would do anything for any of your friends to ward of the pain of the bone crunchingly loneliness of being and/or living through the being a child victim of child abuse. The same way that you doubt yourself with your other friends - she doesn't have to take that risk with you - to risk vulnerability in relationship. You are a no risk person to have in her life, she knows she was your therapist and you have her on a pedastool, so you are not going to call her on stuff, as clients do with their psychologists and psychiatrists. She chose to end your thereupetic relationship to become "friends", when the power relationship is totally unequal.

She may not be totally conscious on all levels, but she has to be aware of quite a bit of it.

 

[Bird33]

@littleoc She knew it was inappropriate. She told me she never did this before and could lose her license. She later told me I was worth the chance of losing her license. Of course this made me feel really good and special.

@Disco Dancing Queen Your right she knows there is no risk with me. She knows I value my friends and always give them the benefit of the doubt and she knows why. We used to talk about the relationship but that has stopped about 5 months ago bc she would never respond. So I don’t try anymore.

 

[littleoc]

That is incredibly troubling

She's making you feel bad for reporting her or cutting her off, in a way. She couldn't have not been aware of that.

 

[Bird33]

@littleoc Sometimes it’s surprising to me how unaware she is. So it makes me wonder is she really unaware or is she playing me. In my heart I hope she is unaware.

 

[LuckiLee]

174 replies. I think everyone is in agreement that this is an unhealthy situation for you to be in. Put this energy into you and your family.

She'll leave you alone if you threaten to report her because she knows what she is doing is unethical. This situation is the reason there are laws in place. To protect the client. She's causing you undue stress. "Friends" don't do that!!

 

[EveHarrington]

@littleoc Sometimes it’s surprising to me how unaware she is. So it makes me wonder...

How “unaware” can she possibly be when her degree most likely involved learning about client provider boundaries, she would have learned about such boundaries while working under direct supervision, AND, her licensing body has impressed this rule upon her so much that she even tells you she could lose her license?

Unaware my foot.

I know you want to believe that she has your best interests at heart, but she doesn’t. @LuckiLee is right. Friends don’t do this to friends. This woman is not your friend. She just provides an image of friendship that is nothing like the real thing.

 

[LuckiLee]

I want to report her myself. She needs her own therapist. IMHO.

 

[Sideways]

Sometimes it’s surprising to me how unaware she is. So it makes me wonder is she really unaware or is she playing me.

You’re going in circles now. This point has been thoroughly addressed already in this thread. She knows how inappropriate it is. Who are you kidding?

In all honesty, it’s not that complicated. The relationship is unequal and abusive. She has you misleading your husband, lying to her family and friends.

This isn’t love. When she says that? It’s BS.

We only have so much emotional energy available to us. Sticking with this “friend” means you’re devoting your energy to an abusive relationship, rather than the healthy relationships you have with your husband and (real) friends. There’s no painless way out of an abusive relationship. And if you wait until it ‘feels right’ to move on from her? You’re putting your other healthy relationships at stake, and essentially trying to treat a hangover with more alcohol.

Choose you. Choose your husband, your friends, your family. Choose recovery. And move the hell on.

 

[ms spock]

So it makes me wonder is she really unaware or is she playing me. In my heart I hope she is unaware.

You need to really focus on nurturing your inner child so you don't feel the need to engage in this magical thinking in order to maintain this abusive relationship. You need to shore up your resources and be prepared for a terrible onslaught when you terminate this situation. You need to really build up Self Compassion Breaks (see Kristin Neff's website - all for free) and have you read David Burns' book called "Feeling Good"? You need will need assistance with your distorted thinking.

She is not unaware, she knows she can lose her license, you have a need to see her as more innocent than she is to maintain this situation.

Can you go away for 3 months?

Can you go into a treatment facility to manage the immediate fallout from distancing yourself from this situation? If you are in an institution they can support you in your withdrawal from this abusive situation. You may well need that to assist yourself to get away from her.

She needs her own therapist. IMHO.

She has probably got one to whom she is lying to at this stage.

 

[ms spock]

i understand now that the relationship should have stayed professional.

It is a good thing to understand.

I have not told my ex therapist that I even told my new therapist. When my ex therapist and I began our friendship relationship we talked about what we would say to family and friends about how we met. None of her family knows I was a patient. My husband, sister and a few friends know because they knew her name as my therapist so I could not say differently.

So she has deliberately lied and misled her family. Deliberately lying shows that she is definitely aware.

Notice why you have a need to believe that she is unaware, which she is not, but notice why you have that need.

If you go into a treatment facility and be there for a couple of weeks to process how she has treated you, you could possibly manage this.