Is my t being reckless by suggesting emdr?

[EveHarrington]

I think he was wanting to do EMDR for the reasons you reached out to him. That is you overthinking things with him.

EMDR can be used for many things.

I think you are freaking out because of your own incorrect assumptions.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I think he was wanting to do EMDR for the reasons you reached out to him.

EMDR can be used for...

Which is entirely possible and a good reason to listen to what he has to say. Which I completely will. I think I let the horror stories I heard scare me and got angry instead of vulnerable in my reply. Like “how could he want me to do THAT and get nightmares” when he was probably thinking “Hey this could really help her”. I plan to say that.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think you’re quite reactive.....first you snapped on your therapist, now you’re snapping at @Suzetig

People are trying to help but the help they are offering isn’t what you’re looking for it seems.

I really do think you should consider ditching email communication with your therapist. So many misconceptions that could have been worked out in a few minutes of verbal communication is now becoming a days long drama. (This seems to be a theme in your threads.)

 

[UnicornSightings]

I think you’re quite reactive.....first you snapped on your therapist, now you’re snapping at...

I’m not snapping at her. I’m finally standing up for myself. I’m tired of her coming on my posts and acting like she knows everything about therapy. Usually I just feel bad when she comments. And same with you. But I’m getting better at having my own voice here. I don’t think this is an unnecessary drama. I think seriously questioning the judgment of a therapist who would go from “how do I start to talk in order to trust you more” to something that requires absolute trust is important. And why I posted on here. I didn’t have to mention I emailed a reply but that’s what you focused on. I admitted it was an error but I’m human and got angry. That happens for everyone. I don’t think it’s crazy to expect a reply to my original question. If people don’t have productive things to say in response that’s cool. The time is on them. But criticizing how I go about trying to work on myself is a bit weird.

Also this is the first time email with him WASN’T helpful so to say “oh you shouldn’t email him now” doesn’t make a lot of sense. It’s also gotten us a better point in our relationship where I could be more honest with him in the beginning.

 

[Suzetig]

. His reply to do something from “Hey I can’t tell you even the little things” to “let’s have you tell me your worst moments in life!” was a little insane so my anger kind of makes sense

One of the helpful things about EMDR is that you don’t need to verbalise the worst things - so for stuff that is pre-verbal or too difficult for talk therapy EMDR can be a real game changer. And there’s no need to dive straight into stuff that is the very worst, you can feel your way in in exactly the same way as in talk therapy. In that sense, his suggestion was a good one though maybe not with him if he’s still in training.

As for the rest of it - this is an open forum, folk post in response to others and you can take what’s helpful and leave the rest. Kicking off at your T, at me or anyone else might make you feel better but it is a huge over reaction to not hearing what you want to hear.

On the other hand, I could tell you your T is awful for suggesting EMDR, that he wants to use you as a guinea pig and ruin your life, that you’re right to use email to tear him a new one (in his own time) and that he’s mistreated you. I’m guessing that feels much better.

Contrary to your seeming belief, I don’t post here to make people feel bad, to express my “superior” knowledge or because I have f*ck all else to do with my time. I do it because I care that people recover and having been in the PTSD fight for more years than I care to think I hope I’ve got something worthwhile that can save folk from some of the dead ends I’ve been down.

I did the raging at my T, mind reading, kicking off at everything thing for years, for all the good it did me. My experience about healing, recovery and PTSD is hard bloody won and if I can save someone an ounce of that agony, I want to do it. That’s not helpful to you, that’s fine.

 

[UnicornSightings]

One of the helpful things about EMDR is that you don’t need to verbalise the worst things - so for st...

So say something like THAT instead. Relate to people. “Hey, I was angry, too. I mind read, too”. Offer something before the harshness. Otherwise it just sounds like you think you’re better than us. I appreciate a lot of what you said and I generally do take what I need and leave the rest. I’m not out to get only responses that make me feel good but I do appreciate respectful ones.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it’s total BS that you’re blaming me for feeling bad because you don’t like my responses. What I said still stands. You create drama that could be solved by simply TALKING to your therapist....yet it’s much more enjoyable for you to get “backup” for your stance instead of simply talking things out with your therapist. This is a repeat pattern. Until you learn how to be vulnerable, you’re going to be stuck in this forever loop of nonsense. Good luck to you!

 

[Justmehere]

If you really are sorry for your angry email and you really are not trying to avoid the work on the symptoms that brought you into treatment, then I’d suggest owning your stuff and sending the apology now.

If you are seeking to apologize, then apologize. Just own it.

I mean, think about it...

If you offered to help someone with a new skill you were going to get trained in, and the other person said sure with no expression of hesitation... and then you go get that training, pay all the costs, and on your free time outside of work you ask them again if they’d like to give it a go, and the person you are trying to help doesn’t calmly say, actually I’d like to wait until you have more experience, but instead reacts with anger for the simple offer of help... hoe would that strike you?

Let’s say the situation carries on further. You get the angry response and you pay with your free time to type a response to address that anger, carefully trying to address their concerns while also trying to help them identify their mistake, and learn healthier ways to say no and handle anger...

What if you found out later they had already identified their mistake, a pre-drafted response already to apologize that wasn’t dependent on what you did or said...but wasn’t sending it just to try to get another response from you?

How would that seem to you?

I’d feel manipulated. I know that’s not your goal, but that’s how this all comes across.

I don’t see anything he’s done wrong. In fact, he’s operated with considerable care.

Some of the best therapy I’ve had have been therapists in training. They are humble, seek advice, are usually supervised, follow protocols correctly. Some of the worst therapy I’ve done is seasoned therapists who are too full of themsleves and way too confident and don’t bother with protocols.

You’ve been struggling to share in therapy. Because of you and other clients who need tools to help them process without talking, he paid all this money and paid with his free time to seek out techniques that could help without talking, and did the training likely with you and other clients in mind. He also paid with more of his free time to email you about it, to see where you are at with it.

It is also completely ok and fair for you to say no and let him know (calmly) that you’d like to wait until he has more experience. Totally ok. Very reasonable. It makes a lot of sense to want to wait. Not everyone would want to do that.

The title of your thread is: “Is my t being reckless?” No. He’s done nothing that is professionally reckless.

Furthemore, he is not the enemy. You had a big fight or flight type of response to him simply asking if you’d like to do EMDR. He’s not a perp and yet you’ve treated him as if he is a threat. He was asking to see if you wanted to proceed as you said you did not very long ago.

All you had to do is say no. That’s it. But you fought him off on email as if he is an attacking tiger.

The impact of your trauma comes out sideways ALL the time with therapists. You futz around the edges in terms of taking about it but you act out of it quite well.

If you want to keep avoiding addressing the trauma more productively and risk burning him out between sessions, carry on.

If you want to get better and get through therapy and start spending all this money on amazing vacations instead... then practice not just accessing your anger, but also owning your stuff, and sending the drafted apology now.

 

[UnicornSightings]

If you really are sorry for your angry email and you really are not trying to avoid the work on the...

I appreciate everything you said so thank you. The reason for saying the apology in person is not to manipulate but to own it with sincerity in person and not send him yet another email.

I also said I was remorseful about the response so don’t know why some of you are still trying to shame me for it. I know it wasn’t the best move but that’s why I’m in therapy. I have a tough time with things. I think owning that is very awesome and I’m doing my best here. But you know, shame away if it makes you feel better.

 

[Justmehere]

I’m not sure why you believe anyone is shaming you here. I don’t see it.

Is it painful to be called out on ineffective actions and behaviors? Yep. I’ve been there. Regularly. Online and offline.

It does not mean you or I are being shamed when we get feedback that’s hard to face.

You asked a question. You’ve gotten feedback that pointed out mistakes and suggested a more productive path forward.

Nothing shameworthy about that and nothing shameworthy about you.

 

[Suzetig]

Offer something before the harshness. Otherwise it just sounds like you think you’re better than us.

I wasn’t harsh, I was direct and most people who know me here would recognise that I’m pretty direct. You may have experienced that as harsh but given your reaction to what is a helpful expression of care by your T could it be possible you’re reading a tone into what I wrote?

I don’t see people trying to shame you, I see folk who recognise a pattern in the way you talk about therapy and your T who are challenging you. That may feel shaming to you but my sense is that that shame actually belongs elsewhere, to another place and time. Or possibly to the part of you that is fighting dealing with your trauma.

No one here is trying to hurt or harm you, quite the opppsite, and neither is your T from what you said. Really working on your activation levels will help in being able to do the work in therapy in whatever way you choose to but blaming other folk for the way you react, seeing motive that simply isn’t there in how people respond to you is going to keep you on this merry go round.

As for my trauma history, the shit I’ve pulled in therapy, the stuff that still bites me on the arse - it’s all here, I don’t need to post an “I’ve been there too” disclaimer for folk to know I’ve been there.

 

[ms spock]

Be wary the therapist who has just fine a workshop!

Can you ground yourself?

Can you self soothe?

Can you manage your triggers?

So you have sleep hygiene?

Are you able to feed yourself?

So you have social connectedness?