Sexual Assault What would you call this?

[13ReasonsWhyNot]

Yes. This is 100% rape and I am so so sorry you experienced this. He had no right to violate y...

Thank you so much and welcome! I’ve been through sooooo much since this original post. I’ve gone to therapy, done a lot of reading, revisited the scene of the crime and our old neighborhood and school, written everything I can remember and even did a public monologue telling my story!

Long story short-just when I got the PTSD under control I actually got a friend request from him! After initially panicking and freaking out, I responded by sending him the video of my monologue, along with a note saying “funny.. I was just talking about you.” Well he was horrified and had never realized what he had done to me and has apologized profusely many many times. Sincere and heartfelt apologies-not just half assed ones. We even met in person and we talked about it for six hours. And he filled in a lot of the gaps in my memory. I couldn’t stand not knowing what happened, and even though I didn’t like what I heard, it was good having my questions answered. It was shocking finding out how much I still don’t remember.

He has had a lot happen to him over the years and is not at all the same anymore. He is virtually unrecognizeable now as the person who did that to me. I must say he is the last person on earth I ever expected to have empathy and he has been so remorseful and owned up to every bit of it. He even went to therapy because he was so shaken up at realizing what kind of person he was, and his therapist also told him he raped me. It’s actually been an extraordinary story. I wish everyone who has ever been assaulted could have this kind of closure. I have been fortunate. In some ways I won’t ever really be over it, but I am able to live with it a lot easier now and I don’t have the fear I did before. It was good seeing him in person because it showed me the image of him I had carried around in my head is not at all the same as it was.

You were so right in your comment-I had every right to friend zone him and he had no right to do what he did. He has also said that many times. When I am able to separate my emotions from it and try to look at it objectively, it’s actually a fascinating academic study and example of “rape culture”. What he has said his motivation was is classic textbook entitlement. I have learned a great deal.

Today happened to be the one year anniversary of being majorly triggered and starting this journey. I think it’s about the happiest resolution anyone could ask for.

 

[Scarlet13]

Hi, I went back and read your story after I had liked your update. I do still like that you found closure and maybe people can change...
But, seriously after re-reading your story you were brutally and viciously raped. I was almost raped and we were drunk and it was consensual at first, but I changed my mind and he felt entitled and forced me down, he changed in the moment and it was very scary. He stopped when my roommate came home and I kicked him out. I was assaulted.
You were the victim of a planned attack where he dragged you into the woods and violently raped you. This was vicious.
I think every rape and assault is vicious in some way, I thought I was going to die because he pinned me.
But your rape was planned and brutally carried out. You were bleeding, you could not sit down. This was a violent, hateful crime. Then he brought it up at school? So he was bullying you?
I would argue that all of those "games" weren't so innocent. He was testing you, grooming you. He wanted to carry this out all along. He sounds like a sociopath or a narcissistic prick. He is a perpetrator and probably has and will do this again.
I hope I am not taking away your progress or coming across as judgemental, but I would not trust him at all. This man sounds like a criminal. He sounds charming and manipulative like he is trying to clear his conscience and using you to feel better.
Sometimes we think we have the power, but we maybe are falling into a trap again.
I am sorry if this is out of line, but this was my gut instinct.
Keep going to therapy and good job for telling your story.
Sorry to be a downer, maybe I am totally wrong.

 

[13ReasonsWhyNot]

Hi, I went back and read your story after I had liked your update. I do still like that you found clo...

Wow—good points. I really appreciate hearing what you said. He seems on the level but I do tend to want to give people the benefit of the doubt, obviously sometimes at my own peril. I have gone into times where I withdraw and freak out that I’ve actually communicated with him and I think of those times as a reality check and a reminder that he completely destroyed my life once and to be so careful to make sure it doesn’t happen again. I am really vulnerable and I shouldn’t forget that.

Further complicating the situation is out high school reunion is coming up in August, so I know I will see him in person then-and this time my friends from that time will be there, and I’ve told them everything now so there’s bound to be some tension. They are firmly on my side. :) So with that hanging over my head there will be more communication I’m sure.

Thank you so much. Your response is going to stick with me. I need to make sure I’m not falling into a trap!
I’m so sorry about what happened to you. That must have been terrifying. I’m so glad your roommate showed up. Who knows what could have happened. :(

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m calling BS on his turnaround.

To me it sounds like he wanted to re-torment you by telling you details you didn’t remember and the apologies were just more manipulation. This guy is probably a sociopath.