Do important events ever trigger something like survival instinct in you?

[SeekingAfrica]

I had this thing around the time I got PTSD, there were a lot of dangerous situations and they would make me start planning and thinking in survival mode. Thinking that every moment is the last chance for something and getting set off into anxiety spiral feeling threatened if something goes wrong.

Obviously, that gets WAAAAY better over time.

But there are moments and this feels close to one of them. It feels like I'm a little touchy and unstable, not fully set off yet...But I'd like to prevent that. I have to apply for my visa tomorrow to be able to stay where I am, and because of life circumstances, things aren't ideal. I can't be sure I'll get it. It's more likely that I will. However I feel more vulnerable than I should about this.
I spend a long time rebuilding my life after I got PTSD, and I finally build a life I like here. Where I am. I have apartment I like, I have friends, I have a place that feels like family, like home. I spend some time back home in the winter and it was toxic. So the slight possibility of not getting visa feels harsh. Of course I can handle it if I had to.

And of course this will pass. But it's the last day before I go to apply, and I'm overly nervous. And it's triggered some feelings I have when I get flashbacks, just without the flashbacks. Feeling weak, mood swings, dissociating and finding it hard to so anything, pushing through tasks really slowly. It's not a good head space for when I have to go apply tomorrow. What can I do about it, other than keep waiting for tomorrow to pass to see I'll be okay?

 

[Abstract]

Oh I am there too at present but because of a work situation. My theory is that it tends to mostly be about hypervigilance for me when I react like that. Overreact. What helps you with anxiety usually?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Oh I am there too at present but because of a work situation. My theory is that it tends to mostly be a...

Yes, I think hypervigilance is exactly right, with a touch of dissociation, hah.
Hmm...to be honest I don't always know what helps. Dance classes, the more physically tiring the better- but I did 2 this weekend so I'm too sore, today is my rest day. That did help me be a bit calmer during the weekend though. Writing, here, in my journal and also fiction. I've done them all today, and it's kept me somewhat calm, but not less worried, and not productive at all. Hot baths, hot drinks, generally warmth has calming feeling on me I guess.

I am feeling really rattled now, so maybe I'll try to finish the most important things for today and then do calming things. It's anyway like 12-14 hours left now. And after that, I really begin the process and hope it either goes easy and fast(ideal), or longer but still okay(acceptable), and not in any other way. If it goes in a different way, of course, I'll have to adjust and adapt. I'm praying it doesn't come to that(and I've never been the praying kind). But I've been going towards this moment for a full year, and it feels like it's the most important day of the year for me, and that if I really thought about it, that fact would really scare me.

 

[hithere]

I went through this a few days ago due to a work situation-it threw me into a state of terror/ it was like one big flashback and though I could tell I was "back there," that knowledge didn't help with the current fear. Any normal person in my position, without PTSD, would be stressed and nervous about the current work situation I was in. Likewise, anyone applying for a visa who wants to stay feels that nervousness and stress. My job has jeopardy involved in it-it's just the nature of the job. However, due to the nature of my trauma I had a double-whammy PTSD effect- I was falling into a "mute" helplessness which is the way I survived the jeopardy I was in during the traumatic events. It was the opposite of what my work needs demanded. It was horrible. I do think it was "hypervigilance." I kept imaging every possible scenario and the worst possible scenarios were in my forefront mind. I kept trying to tell myself the current truth, and other CBT stuff, and tell myself that I would get through it. Alas, my PTSD brain was on primitive survival and it would not listen to reason or any CBT stuff. I tried doing some "parts" work-but that made me worse! (maybe with practice I'll get parts work right) What helped me in the end, may not help you. Please ignore me if my answer isn't helpful (or you aren't spiritual, which is OK.) After days of terror what helped me get "current" was I went into the bathroom, locked the door, and got down on my knees and prayed like a little kid. I prayed a prayer for everyone suffering what I was going through and I prayed for everyone who wanted to kill themselves. I know that sounds dramatic, but SI is my go-to coping mechanism and it really makes things worse, obviously. I "asked" that everyone receive help with their situations, and that it would work out favorably. I asked for angels to help me and everyone suffering. As embarrassing as it is to write all that, (as a past therapist told me that is magical thinking) that's what got me through it and gave me a calm mind. I was then able to deal with work from a grown up, educated position. I've only little twinges of what I would call normal stress. I'm just glad you wrote this post, because it highlights for me what I thought was going on with me--your post validates for me that my over reaction was a "back there" reaction.