Sigh... I shouldn’t, but, here goes:
why am I getting so much negativity and mean comments just for looking for help
Mostly because you came on a PTSD site and tried to tell people that your boyfriend has PTSD because you know he does.
If you want information, ask for it - but copy-pasting oversimplifications of a mental health disorder, like this:
The symptoms of PTSD can be divided into three general categories: 1) re-experiencing the traumatic incident, 2) avoiding experiences that evoke memories of the incident, and 3) symptoms of hyperarousal, such as irritability, anger or extreme anxiety. People who experience these symptoms for at least one month may be diagnosed with PTSD. Alcoholism and drug abuse fall into the category of avoidance symptoms, as the individual may use these chemicals to avoid memories or to numb fear
Will not play well with a board full of people who have been diagnosed, or support someone with this diagnosis.
God knows, we can all play armchair-doctor...it’s very tempting.
But you are describing problems that are better understood as resulting from having a long distance, not-fully-formed relationship.
All psychiatric (medical) diagnoses have one thing in common:
if they can be better explained by a different diagnosis, use that one.
There’s a similar rule of thumb when it comes to relationship issues involving people with mental health disorders:
if it can be better explained by a common relationship issue, don’t blame it on the mental health.
It’s a good rule of thumb, for both new AND established relationships.
why would you say we should end the relationship when we are both trying to make things work? We were both immature but trying to fix things
I said it because life seems too short to waste it on all the drama around a person you barely
know in person. Why shouldn’t you be able to have male friends? Why feel dishonest for doing so? Why have to break up w/bf in order to get his attention? And more examples.
You are developing bad interpersonal habits by doing all those things - likely reinforcing whatever your own developmental issues are. Everyone’s got something that interferes with them doing what they want in life....some big problems, others small. It’s a cliche for a reason: love yourself before you try and love someone else. We date and often those attempts at connection fail, or aren’t right. I mean this with empathy: you’re spinning your wheels, sounds like. Move forward with your life.
It’s very discouraging when you try to get help about a situation and have people lashing out at you when they don’t even know the full story.
I hear you. You’ve been piled on, and that’s no fun.
But you’re getting some very sound perspectives from both supporters AND sufferers alike. Those perspectives are:
Three months in person is barely any time at all.
We can’t diagnose his PTSD over the internet - but neither can you, over the phone/based on your experience growing up.
What we can tell you is that not all trauma leads to PTSD. Not even the
majority of people who have Crit-A trauma develop PTSD.
It’s just as likely that he’s dealing with a mood disorder, an anxiety or personality disorder...hell, it could be schizophrenia for all you know. Or it could be purely situational/hormonal/maturation-related.
I’m trying to find out how to be helpful and supportive to my boyfriend, and I can see him trying to get better and trying to communicate to me when he needs space and things have gotten a lot better but I know he needs therapy, so until he can get time off of work to get therapy, I’m trying to find some information to help him.
He needs to help himself. That’s the hard truth of it. And whatever it is - if he doesn’t want to help himself, he’s not going to have the necessary motivation to participate in treatment.
You can suggest websites, reading material, you can challenge his own assumptions about barriers. If therapy really can’t happen right now, what about a group? A hobby? You can suggest.
But you can’t take care of him. That’s a hard lesson to learn, especially if you are the sort who wants to take care of people. Try and funnel that into the world, not your relationships. It doesn’t tend to turn out well.
