“going unconscious” and forgetting session content - any advice?

[barefoot]

I used to dissociate a lot in therapy and haven’t done so for a year or so.

T says this is excellent progress and I agree that it’s quite something that it doesn’t happen anymore.

Recently, I’ve chosen to refocus therapy sessions so that we are working more directly on past trauma.
I have started dipping a toe in “parts” - having been so resistant to that idea for so long, I am feeling ok about that now so I’m happy that we are now using that as our “in” to some harder stuff.

The last few sessions I’ve noticed that I’ve forgotten some of what we’ve talked about. I’m there, I’m listening, I’m taking it all in. Then my T will ask me what I think about that or will ask if I’m happy to take that away and reflect on it a bit before our next session...and, in that moment, it just feels like the entire contents of my head drop out.

I’m not dissociating. It’s just that I instantly forget. And I then feel an overwhelming urge to sleep - it’s a huge, huge effort to keep my eyes open.

T and I talked a bit about it this week. She said that I have done a great job in identifying some parts and describing them and she thinks I can listen to them. And she then said that, at the moment, I seem to be struggling with retaining information about the meaning behind it...something about struggling to make the unconscious conscious. Something about that process...that I’m going unconscious to things...that something (she may have said a part) is putting me to sleep.

Sorry...a bit vague and unclear...because I’ve forgotten this bit! :rolleyes:

She also said that my pace is my pace (ie slow!) and that we need to respect that and go at a pace that is manageable.

But I’m thinking, I’ve been so pleased that I’m not dissociating anymore...but now I just seem to have replaced one obstacle (coping mechanism?) with another. So, I’m not dissociating now...great! But now I’m just “going unconscious”, forgetting everything and struggling to stay awake. Which is still no good and is still me getting in my own way!

Is that how this works? That we get rid of one thing and then another pops up to take its place? And then repeat?

I hadn’t expected this and now I’m feeling a bit despondent. It took almost three years in therapy to chip away at the dissociation. The thought of now potentially starting another long process of chipping away at the next obstacle is...disheartening.

Has anyone experienced something like this?

Does anyone have any words of wisdom on the “going unconscious”/not retaining stuff front?

My T has suggested that next time I take a note book and we write some stuff down as we go along. So I’m hoping that will help. Because at the moment I keep forgetting what I’m meant to be reflecting on!

Any other thoughts/ideas/tips?

Thanks!

 

[Suzetig]

The whole process of therapy (assuming your T is psychodynamic) is about making the unconscious conscious - it’s an expected outcome of therapy.

What you’re describing still sounds like a dissociative process (akin to daydreaming - there but not really retaining stuff. I don’t think it’s a whole other obstacle necessarily unless it’s a massive problem. Most people don’t recall all of their therapy session - when they leave they’ll continue to process stuff and will remember parts of the session that matter at that time over the course of the week. Instead of reflecting on what your T is highlighting to you, trust that you’ll reflect on what matters to you.

If it really bothers you, ask your T if you can voice record your sessions with her to listen to at home. I’d expect she would be fine with that and it might help you remember.

 

[Tinyflame]

The last few sessions I’ve noticed that I’ve forgotten some of what we’ve talked about. I’m there, I’m listening, I’m taking it all in. Then my T will ask me what I think about that or will ask if I’m happy to take that away and reflect on it a bit before our next session...and, in that moment, it just feels like the entire contents of my head drop out.

I'm like this. ^^^

But if I can remember long enough to write it down it helps. But I (also) need to re-read it. :( :rolleyes:

I don't think it's dissociation for me, maybe overwhelm or just too new to remember?

There will be a way @barefoot ! :hug:

 

[jaccat]

It happens to me. Usually when my T is trying to get me to understand something particularly challenging. The words just will not stay in my head- the minute she says them it's like I know it's something massive but I just don't know what it was. It also happens when she's saying positive things about me, for the same reason.

I've always assumed it's simply that my head is unwilling or unable to process those parts of the session and that when I am ready then I'll remember.

I write up my sessions as a way of processing. I have found that over time I have been able to retain some of those things by making a conscious effort at the time of hearing, but I often have to fill in blanks. It has lessened over time, thinking about it I think the last time was a few months ago.

Sorry, I know give it time isn't what you want to hear.

 

[desiderata310]

When we were actually working on trauma, my therapist would email me certain things when he would notice me 'go away' or things that he was worried I would miss or forget.

Yeah. It's a frustrating process.

 

[Still Standing]

I relate quite well to losing content of conversations. However, I do this under stress...especially at medical doctor's I can be sitting there having a normal, informative conversation but as soon as I walk out of the office, nothing! I cannot recall what was told me. Or in an argument, or in a serious discussion, my mind simply shuts down: goes blank, blank, blank. Sometimes, when I get to a more relaxed and safe atmosphere, things will come back to me, but often, it does not. I know that I have also done this while is counseling. The psych doc will be talking to me and I will realize that I heard him but immediately lost everything he just said. If I catch this, I will ask him to repeat what he had just said. I'm not sure what this is, because I am not spaced out into La-La land, so it does not seem like dissociation.

I like all three of these VVVVVVVVV suggestions, with the email with highlights from the T, the best.

you can voice record your sessions with her to listen to at home

I write up my sessions as a way of processing

my therapist would email me certain things when he would notice me 'go away' or things that he was worried I would miss or forget.

If you figure this out, clue me in! :)

 

[SinkorSwim]

I have asked my T to summarize our session at the end of each session so I know what we all talked about. Sometimes I remember the whole thing and I am present the whole time other times I don't. I am getting better at telling her to help me ground myself when I need it.

 

[EveHarrington]

I take notes in my phone.

 

[hithere]

I used to dissociate a lot in therapy and haven’t done so for a year or so.

T says this is excellen...

I don't know if this will help you or not. have you written down the parts that you have "seen" or "felt" and what they look like and what they "do"? Have you gotten quiet and tried to see if there is a part that makes you forget and one that makes you sleep, or maybe it's just one part. I know for me I had a part that makes me dissociate, once I saw that I really don't dissociate that much anymore. I know I have a part that makes me go to sleep and one that makes me have amnesia concerning trauma and emotions from the trauma. They serve very important functions to help me with all the stress. I have not worked with these two yet and have kind of stopped some trauma work because it was too fast and too overwhelming for other parts. My next step will be to ask them to step aside, ask them what they are afraid of,... you know, all that therapy stuff.. or be nearby in case I need them to come back in and save the day. I'll need all the parts working together. So that is my experience. I have no idea if that is helpful for you or not.

oh one more thing. I record the session on my phone. that is very interesting to listen to later. I can hear something that was actually helpful, but in the moment it didn't seem relevant, but was.

 

[barefoot]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

What you’re describing still sounds like a dissociative process (akin to daydreaming -

It doesn’t feel like dissociation. I know that dissociation is on a spectrum so there are different levels, which will feel different. But even my low level experiences have had me feel very spacey and it is difficult to think of words and to form sentences etc. And I feel “here but not here.”

This is different in that I feel very present, I am engaged, I am listening and also contributing to the discussion.

It’s exactly this:

It happens to me. Usually when my T is trying to get me to understand something particularly challenging. The words just will not stay in my head- the minute she says them it's like I know it's something massive but I just don't know what it was. It also happens when she's saying positive things about me, for the same reason.

The psych doc will be talking to me and I will realize that I heard him but immediately lost everything he just said

I’m there, I’m grounded, I’m present, I’m listening and contributing...and then T says something that touches on something difficult and takes me to a deeper level of processing/making meaning and I know it’s something interesting and important and I’m there and I’m listening...and then, in an instant, it’s just gone.

Instead of reflecting on what your T is highlighting to you, trust that you’ll reflect on what matters to you.

Yes, I think there’s something in this.
I said to T at the end of our last session that I should probably just aim to work with whatever comes up in any given session rather than spend my time and energy trying to remember the bits I’ve forgotten from last time. And just try to trust that it’s going in somehow.

voice record your sessions with her to listen to at home.

Yeah, I’d thought about that but, to be honest, I find the idea of listening to myself talking in a session quite anxiety-making. Not sure why. Maybe I need to think about that more.

But if I can remember long enough to write it down it helps. But I (also) need to re-read it.

I do jot some notes down on the train home and often journal the day afterwards. These things work well and really help with processing. The only thing is that if the urge to go to sleep has fired up, I can be too exhausted to write much straight after session plus I have probably forgotten the new, important bits by then

I don't think it's dissociation for me, maybe overwhelm or just too new to remember?

Yes, the overwhelm bit might be what it is for me. It’s new, it’s getting into difficult territory, the meaning behind it is probably something I find hard to accept...

There will be a way @barefoot ! :hug:

Thank you for the encouragement. I’m sure you are right!

my therapist would email me certain things

Oh, this would be so helpful!
Not sure my T would’ve up for doing this though - email for us is for logistics/scheduling etc or for me to email her about whatever and she will read it and hold it til next session. She will then likely send a very brief reply at some point acknowledging receipt but she doesn’t ever get into session content.

I like this idea below a lot too and think I might suggest this and combine it with taking notes there:

I have asked my T to summarize our session at the end of each session so I know what we all talked about

have you written down the parts that you have "seen" or "felt" and what they look like and what they "do"? Have you gotten quiet and tried to see if there is a part that makes you forget and one that makes you sleep

Haven’t done this and it sounds like a good idea. The parts thing is a new area for me so I have only really identified some and done a quick brainstorm for each. I haven’t really explored any deeper or really sat and tried to “connect” on a more meaningful level. I think that’s what T is encouraging me to do when I then completely forget! Will have a go at this and see what comes up, thanks.

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't think it's 'parts' for me. But what does come to mind is, have you ever trained a puppy/ dog? At a certain point they will fall asleep like they are exhausted (they are mentally).

I think too it's a certain amount of relief? But then later, hard to remember exactly why it was if the concept is new, or believing it at a different level is new.

 

[EveHarrington]

To clarify, I take notes in my phone during session, as things are said.