Sufferer Sad, hurt, crazy, and confused - sexual & physical abuse, murder, & recent stressors

[Lost_Soul]

Hi I came here because I’m trying to figure out ways to refrain from going crazy and my Dr. tells me I have PTSD. In 2016 I found out that my husband of 15 years had been having affairs, had a live in gf while he was overseas for work, and also seeing prostitutes. This had been happening since 2013 from what I could find and get him to admit, which was around the time my mother died and I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I became so consumed with finding out everything I wasn’t able to work, eat, or sleep. I found all of the accounts he had, the girls he had been with, addresses of where they lived and worked, all in another country. I lost over 50 lbs in less than 2 months from living on coffee, cigarettes, and alcohol. He came home and didn’t want to touch me which made me feel horrible. We moved to another state and he saw another prostitute which led us to counseling. The counseling did not help as she told me I need to just accept it for what it is, that it was the past, and to focus on the now. That there’s no point to try and figure out why it happened just understand that it did. Which is something I can’t just do. Like I feared it happened again. I finally told him to leave. He broke down and admitted he had a sexual addiction and doesn’t know why. He’s been going to SAA meetings and is doing really well, seems to be getting better and is no longer depressed which I haven’t seen in years. Me on the other hand not so great. Certain names triggers anger and hurt. Certain things he finds gross triggers me to want to say something mean to him about not thinking prostitution is gross. Although I can go out in public again and not get the shakes or have a panic attack, I still feel ugly and undesirable. There’s things he did with them or acted with them that he doesn’t with me and that bothers me. He says it wasn’t real or fake with them. I still love my husband and don’t want to tear apart my family as this is all I have left. At the same time I’m tired of feeling like they’d be better off without me, constantly having crazy thoughts, or visions of killing myself. I just wish I knew how to turn my brain off, it never seems to stop having thoughts and visions. Sorry for the long rant there’s just so much.

 

[Fadeaway]

I am sorry for all you have been through. While what you have gone through is hellish, it doesn't meet the criteria for PTSD. No doubt it has caused a host of emotional traumas, anxiety and depression, but unless you have had a qualifying violent, life threatening issue you are probably lucky enough to not have PTSD which isn't curable.

You deserve better! He isn't worth it, nor are the STDs he is probably bringing home. Protect your self.

 

[EveHarrington]

Agreed. You deserve better!

 

[Friday]

If you have PTSD, it won’t be caused by the affairs & cheating, but by some kind of life threatening trauma or sexual violence in your past.

Criterion A: stressor

The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, as follows: (one required)

1. Direct exposure.
2. Witnessing, in person.
3. Indirectly, by learning that a close relative or close friend was exposed to trauma. If the event involved actual or threatened death, it must have been violent or accidental.
4. Repeated or extreme indirect exposure to aversive details of the event(s), usually in the course of professional duties (e.g., first responders, collecting body parts; professionals repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse). This does not include indirect non-professional exposure through electronic media, television, movies, or pictures.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0890425558/?tag=ap0f5b-20

Do you have ^^^ that ^^^ somewhere in your history?

 

[Lost_Soul]

Yes history of sexual and physical abuse, as well as watching people be murdered. Just grew up sort of feeling that was the norm which is why I don’t understand why this is bothering me and I can’t seem to keep it together.

I am sorry for all you have been through. While what you have gone through is hellish, it doesn't meet...

That would be good to know if I don’t. I don’t want to be like this forever.

 

[Friday]

Yes history of sexual and physical abuse, as well as watching people be murdered

Yep. That right there is what makes the PTSD diagnosis possible.

The affairs would be the stressors that kicked you into being symptomatic.

Once you already have PTSD any kind of stressor, loss of coping mechanism, or new trauma can kick start symptoms into being active, or active again.

Do check out the The ptsd cup explanation, super helpful on a lot of fronts.

<Putting on my mod-hat for a moment, I’m also going to edit your title to reflect your trauma history // will avoid a few pages worth of people saying you can’t get PTSD from infidelity>

 

[Lost_Soul]

Thank you for your help. That’s exactly what it feels like. So much keeps happening that I can’t deal or process with one before the next wave comes.

 

[Cactus Bloom]

Thank you for your help. That’s exactly what it feels like. So much keeps happening that I can’t...

I’m so sorry with what you have and continue to go through. It is awful being betrayed like that. I’ve had a lot of betrayal happen in my marriage and after 8 years of being with him I finally left and got a divorce. I do not have children so it was easier for me to leave. Are you currently in therapy to help you especially now because you need some support so you don’t hurt yourself?

 

[Lost_Soul]

I was but we stopped going. I didn’t like the counselor to begin with and my husband had a relapse which made him not want to go either. Since then he has admitted, accepted the fact that he needs help, and has been committed to going to his meetings as well as being overly transparent. I however just stay in the house as I work from home anyways, and feel like I’m driving myself and him crazy. My husband says that I need to go out more as well as go see someone to work on myself as he’s doing. He was diagnosed with PTSD also from his childhood and the military. I believe him and all of you guys are right, this is something I just can’t suck up anymore, and I need help. Any recommendations of what to look for in a counselor? I feel I need someone that’s going to actually provide steps or methods vs. just listening to my life as if it’s a soap opera.

 

[Cactus Bloom]

I was but we stopped going. I didn’t like the counselor to begin with and my husband had a relapse...

I’m a terrible one to ask about what kind of therapy would be best so Im sure others on here have great advice for you on that matter. A couple therapists I had seen in the past had actually told me that couples therapy really doesn’t help but that was of course, their opinions. You definitely need to start getting help for yourself and your own trauma. Hang in there!

 

[Lost_Soul]

I’m a terrible one to ask about what kind of therapy would be best so Im sure others on here have gr...

Thank you for your help.

 

[Cactus Bloom]

Thank you for your help.

Do you have close friends or family that you have as a support system?