Thoughts - conflict between two therapists

[grit]

I think too much loving of therapist is a trap. For one thing it shows you are not broken by your earlier experience because you can still feel love so this is a huge breakthrough but in all fairness, the rest, you need to let your adult self take care of your inner child and stop convincing this woman's hugs are real love. All these loves are pure transferences. I hope you get the guts and the power to say that touchhy touchy feeling therapist, you are not interested and also I hope you acknowledge the love for other therapist is a sign you can love...your true loving nature was not broken and take that to the world outside of therapy globally...CELEBRATE!

 

[piratelady]

I think therapeutic boundaries are there for a reason. When I was at my worst I craved that same thing from my therapist. I just wanted to feel loved and cared for, something I didn’t get growing up. I never got that from him. But as we worked through more of my issues I craved it less and was able to go find love on my own.

 

[Snowflake]

I think too much loving of therapist is a trap. For one thing it shows you are not broken by your earlier...

Thank you

 

[Friday]

Just because it feels good doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Your inner child with thank you for ending it now before getting enmeshed with a therapist that can’t hold her safely in the work you need to do

@Snowflake

One of the things I’ve learned is that in breaking old patterns, teaching myself healthier versions, is looking for that feels good! do it! and viewing that as an early warning sign on not doing it.

Kind of in the same way a kid might want brownies for breakfast, or to run into a street filled with traffic, or to go snuggle with the tiger in the zoo... but as the adult it’s my job to A) Stop them B) Teach them why we do or don’t do those things C) Teach them how to evaluate those and similar situations ...D) In such a way that it makes them stronger, more self confident, more trustworthy. IE NOT by yelling and swearing at them and calling them names, or hitting them, or letting the tiger eat them, or by instilling the fear of god in them / terrifying them into blind compliance... but by any of 1,000 ways best suited to that child.

-scared to quit.

AND this right here? Is another waving flashing practically bonking me on the head whilst blowing an air horn neon sign with red flags dotted all around it... I had to learn to see. If I’m scared of leaving a voluntary relationship, with absolutely no real consequence -or very manageable consequence- for doing so? (Manageable consequences = job, lover, etc.) Ive already gotten really unhealthy with it. I’ve set myself up IN an abusive dynamic, even if there is no abuse.

So I’m reinforcing / normalizing abusive behavior, instead of learning healthy behavior.

 

[Snowflake]

@Snowflake

One of the things I’ve learned is that in breaking old patterns, teachi...

Wow-that gave me butterflies to read that. I get it.

How should I do this ....email?

 

[Nessa7]

I think email would be a good idea. I would be concerned that any other method would give her an opening to more effectively pressure you to stay.

 

[blackemerald1]

Yeah I agree with @Nessa7 - email.

 

[Snowflake]

Yeah I agree with @Nessa7 - email.

Yep I emailed Monday and quit. It felt awful but I knew it was something I had to do.

 

[MyWillow]

Well done @Snowflake :) You should be extremely proud of yourself. That can’t have been easy.

 

[Snowflake]

Well done @Snowflake :) You should be extremely proud of yourself. That can’t hav...

Nope

 

[hithere]

I think therapeutic boundaries are there for a reason. When I was at my worst I craved that same thi...

did this actually work for you? I mean "really" work for you? I ask because it doesn't really seem possible for me.

Yep I emailed Monday and quit. It felt awful but I knew it was something I had to do.

so how do you feel now that it's a few days later from you quitting via email?

 

[Snowflake]

so how do you feel now that it's a few days later from you quitting via email?

I know I did the right thing. If I didn’t quit I think I would have lost my current therapist. However, it still hurts-