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Adult literacy issues with relative; how do i handle it?

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Dana1010

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I wanted to post this in anonymous, but was very upset to find that forum has disappeared. :-( I hope it is resurrected soon.

I have a sibling who has very poor literacy due to our parents' neglect (if not downright deliberate evil). I want to broach the subject with her, and get her on the path to improvement, but I have no idea how. Does anyone know of any good resources? I don't want to make her feel like a charity case (even if she basically is). How can I approach this without embarrassing her?
 
Does she like gifts? Giving her a present of lessons in a style that she’s naturally inclined to might work. It’s something that could take quite a bit of work on your end, in finding the right teacher/tutor to work on both aspects with her / the literacy and the skills, but could also remove a lot of the sting. Rather like buying a fat person a present of lessons in a sport they love, rather than a gym membership & dieting books.
 
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Thanks, @Esterio, but a program at the library is just the sort of thing I'd label "embarrassing." I'd like it to be more private and natural, something she can do at home by herself.
Does she like gifts?
I certainly assume she does, lol. I was hoping to find some online lessons or a workbook, something that doesn't involve sitting in front of a stranger who knows this really embarrassing thing about her. (Obviously, it wasn't her fault, but still.)
 
sitting in front of a stranger who knows this really embarrassing thing about her.
Does it have to be a "really embarrassing thing"? Maybe it can just be "a thing"? People who teach adult literacy deal with adults who need help reading and writing all the time. Seems like they know better than to use that as a way of judging people.

I've never helped anyone with reading or writing. I have, however, helped a couple people prepare for the math part of the GED. I admired their grit and determination. I think the whole process was easier for them because they had a live person to bounce stuff off from. Online seems like it would be harder. (I could be wrong.)

Has she ever expressed the desire to learn or mentioned she feels like she's missing something? What kind of learner is she? How does she interact with people?
 
Has she ever expressed the desire to learn or mentioned she feels like she's missing something? What kind of learner is she? How does she interact with people?
I haven't seen her for years, so I honestly can't really answer.
 
I was hoping to find some online lessons or a workbook, something that doesn't involve sitting in front of a stranger who knows this really embarrassing thing about her. (Obviously, it wasn't her fault, but still.)
Most of the cool stuff is really geared towards kids, which can be fun if she’s got that kind set, or horribly demoralizing and insulting, if she doesn’t. It’s also largely free, so I’d bet if she did tend towards that stuff, she’d already have done it.

The stuff geared towards adults is very one size fits all clunky & fairly pedantic/boring. (Boredom is my enemy).

So one of the benefits of finding a tutor is that they can work with her passions; cooking to car repair, fashion to forensic crime scenes, sex to sailing... whatever it is that she really digs and use that as a platform to get literate inside.

IF this is something you might do... check out Speech Pathology grad students / put a want ad in their building/website. It’s a doctoral program, so they’re all mostly broke / eager to take side jobs that they can use in their CV / are related to their field, and the treatment methodologies used in Speech Pathology are super relative to building a person up. (SP peeps do CBT and a metric shit ton of other cool things, because they’re often working with neurology patients &/or adults who have suffered from head trauma and are having to relearn skills, including emotional monitoring and regulation, conceptualisations of self, graduated levels of reaponsibility, occupational therapy, tons of neat stuff). Literacy isn’t exactly in their degree path, but there will probably be at least a few students who are passionate about it. Almost always are in psych and neurology majors. There’s almost always at least a couple volunteering at the library, writing lab, taking on clients.
 
haven't seen her for years, so I honestly can't really answer

Well.... if you haven’t seen her for years, I might hold off on the improvement projects? Maybe just get to know her again, first? It would be a very rare person who wouldn’t be insulted at the idea that the reason you got in contact with them is that the mere thought of them existing embarasses you.
 
It would be a very rare person who wouldn’t be insulted at the idea that the reason you got in contact with them is that the mere thought of them existing embarasses you.
I get this, but I won't be in town for long, so I want to pack as much damage control into my visit as possible. What's driving me is more a sense of guilt at having been MIA for so many years, honestly. It's not, "Hey, the thought of you embarrasses me." It's more, "Hey, I didn't forget you, and just because our parents didn't give a flying f*ck, doesn't mean I don't."
 
I think that starting off with improving her literacy is likely to backfire if you haven’t seen her in years.

I’d think...

“Oh great, my sister doesn’t care enough to keep in touch, but she wants me to read better?!?!”

Just start by improving your relationship with her. Save the literacy concerns for later.
 
What's driving me is more a sense of guilt at having been MIA for so many years, honestly.
I think asking her what you can do for her, and helping in a way that is meaningful to her right now, would likely be more meaningful for both of you.

Giving her a present as a way to assuage your guilt is about you, not her.

Starting to be there for her now, in a way that she is comfortable with - can be about both of you. Even though you aren’t going to be in the vicinity for long.

Just a thought.
 
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