Relationship I’ve left him and he doesn’t care

[LuckiLee]

I had empathy for your veteran. All the things he was doing was related to untreated PTSD. But this whole bathing thing? That's just crazy making!

My guy always let's me shower first. That's what gentleman do. This will probably hurt your feelings but I bet his dog got fresh warm water for his bath? WT actual f*ck??

I'm glad you're feeling stronger. A month or two from now you'll be unstoppable!! If you want to stay in the mountains? Stay in the mountains. He's controlled you long enough!

I'm really proud of you. You're going to have a great life. I know it! Now go have some fun! XO

 

[blackemerald1]

I think you have choice! If you love the mountains & want to live there you are entitled to do so.

 

[Sighs]

@LuckiLee - I - and quite a few other people - have told him that he treats his dogs better than he treated me. And it was literally true.

Now I’m treating myself AND my dog right.

 

[talon]

So I’ve left him. Quit my job, taken my dog and whatever I could fit into my car and gone. He’s not e...

Well that's sad but see it as a lesson learned and remember if people use us its only because we allow it . Use this experience to give yourself that inner strength to start again . Don't be too easy or too desperate to find another take your time as someone as special as you is worth waiting for . You need to remind yourself walking out is his loss but beware if things don't work out for him he might want to come back don't be too eager to allow this once bitten twice shy as they say

 

[Teasel]

remember if people use us its only because we allow it .

I actually think abusers bear some responsibility for abusing :-)

 

[Sighs]

I kinda get both sides here. I refuse to blame the victim - I didn’t “allow him” to bodyslam me into a wall. But on the other hand if I’d been able to set healthy boundaries I probably would have left the relationship long before I did.

 

[Freida]

She was kinda speechless. Guess that’s a wee bit controlling?

holy crap. I have no words for this. I mean....holy crap.
Ok -- I do have words! book mark this post. Every time you think he has changed or it wasn't that bad or it will be different next time go back and read it. It will help re-enforce the strength it took to leave him and how much better your life is now.

But part of me thinks - bugger him! Why should I leave?

Exactly!!!!!!

 

[Pippi427]

So... I was talking to my therapist this morning and she asked me what I was enjoying doing now that I’m away from him and I said that I had had a long hot bath last night. She was like “couldn’t you do that when you were with him?” And I explained how I would have to wait until he was ready to bath, run him a bath and then wait til after he had finished to have a quick bath in his dirty water. If I ran more hot water he would yell about wasting water. (We were on tank water.) If I took too long he would yell at me to hurry up and make him a cup of tea.

She was kinda speechless. Guess that’s a wee bit controlling?

My ex would refuse to clean up after himself, I mean even put his clothes in a bin after work. The living room and office would be littered with sweaty socks and work shirts. Then, he would yell at me to be a better house keeper even though I worked 50 hours a week. So, I hired a housekeeper (I make 6 figures, I can afford a dang housekeeper.) So he yelled at me about spending too much money. You will just never please those types. It's not about the money, it's about them forcing you to do what they want whether it's for your good or not.

 

[Sighs]

Ha! I spoke to him tonight and he was whinging about the cost of keeping our property (which I have just walked away from rather than try to take half) and about eating boiled eggs for dinner.

I said “well all you had to do was treat me with respect and kindness and I would still be there but you didn’t so you’ll have to figure it out on your own”

Ha!

 

[Sweetpea76]

Ha... life is a little rougher when the ATM and personal chef moves out. I wonder if he's figured out how to run his own bath yet?

 

[Pippi427]

This is the proper response. You did not insult him and you told the truth. Honestly though, even if you held on to the responsibility he would find something else to abuse you about. I gave my ex $27K to go put a down payment on a new house AND took over the mortgage for our existing home and he STILL bitched that I should have given him 1/2 my retirement account. They always find something to hold on to and grate on you about.

 

[Hojay]

Ha! Perfect response. Sounds like the first twitches of the “I’ll change, I promise!” phase to me. Little does he know how very over it you are.