Accepting sympathy from therapist

[Taylormade73]

So I went to therepy today and finally shared my timeline from group with my therapist. I’ve been putting it off for a long time, I always feel insecure about how much I need to share, whether or not someone will think I’m disgusting because of my past behaviors. Anyway, while we were going over some of the events that I listed she apologized several times for things that happened throughout my childhood. I wasn’t sure how to respond so I just sat there. Here compassion made me feel very uncomfortable. I felt like I should have responded in some way, I’m curious to know how other people respond in situations like this.

 

[Rumors]

Yeah it is weird. The valadation it was that bad made me cringe and feel like I was broken. I quickly replaced it with the proper empathy that any human would have for another after hearing that story. It was only because I had never had that before. Please try and take that gesture as a normal and kind reaction and one you deserve. Hang in there

 

[barefoot]

Yes, I have found this strange too and, like you, I tend to just sit there when my T says something compassionate about my historical stuff. I think, for me, it’s sometimes that I am mystified by her feelings about something because, in my mind, “it wasn’t that bad.” And yet, here she is, acting as though it was and having some kind of...feeling (yikes!)...about that.
It’s confusing.

And partly it is just that I don’t really know what to do with her compassion. A bit like how I can’t really take compliments - because I don’t know what to do with the kind words. And I don’t know whether I believe/can trust them.

I think I have got a bit better with T’s compassion in that I don’t now (4 years in!) find it quite so alien and I think I now feel that I can trust her intention when she says these sorts of things. That said, I think I have only really progressed from saying nothing and just staring at her blankly to frowning a bit and saying “Mmm...”

I’m glad you have a compassionate T who can support you through this difficult work.

Look after yourself - sounds like you got some difficult stuff out this session.

 

[Skywatcher]

The first time I witnessed compassion, it came from a really close friend. I am pretty sure that I looked like a deer in headlights. In therapy, my T has said some empathetic things that have managed to replay in my head throughout the week. I want to feel and believe them.

 

[Freida]

Here compassion made me feel very uncomfortable. I felt like I should have responded in some way, I’m curious to know how other people respond in situations like this.

It took my T a year before she could offer compassion without me bolting from my chair. It's not as bad now, but I still don't like it because I don't understand it. She believes that I will know when I have reached "healing" when I'm able to accept that other people think what happened was wrong and feel compassion for me. Stay tuned..... but don't hold your breath :rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

[Taylormade73]

Thank you all for sharing

 

[Mach123]

This is really hard if you mean like if she makes a sad face at you or goes "awwwww." That I can't do. I guess it's the same as people saying "I'm giving hugs?" Just don't, especially if I'm doing hard stuff? I don't know why I feel like that? It's like talking baby talk to an adult or that's how it feels? I never thought of it like "accepting sympathy." Maybe it's just being a jerk and not letting the other person express themselves the way they want but, it triggers me a little I guess? Thanks for making me think about it.