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Feeling completely overwhelmed and out of control

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MamaHopeful

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I am terrified at all times. My body shakes nonstop. I throw up constantly. When I try to sleep I wake up every 3 minutes screaming and kicking and feeling like my heart has stopped and I'm gasping for air. I have nonstop dissociation and intrusive images and flashbacks. And I mean NONSTOP.
I was doing good but now I seem to have just completely gone back to a complete nervous system breakdown.
I cannot get a handle on my overwhelm and obsessive worrying and terror. I wake up and all I can think about is the trauma and my symptoms and how to make it all go away. And when I'm not thinking about that, I'm thinking about the life stressors that I cannot handle, on top of everything else.
How in the WORLD do you calm down?????
I am snowballing, not just emotionally but my actual brain and nervous system, are RAW and in shock. I literally cannot sit still and cannot stop the constant waves of adrenaline. I mean CONSTANT.
Feeling hopeless feels like the nail in the coffin. I'm losing my grip on hope.
What do you do? What can I do???
How do I calm my body down?
 
I am sorry you're going through all this.
I am not really in a place to give advice or anything, but what i have learned from others on this forum, when you are in a panic attack or need to calm down a bit, use an ice pack, when you hold one in your hands or on your neck/forehead, it calms down the nervous system. For me it really works. I fell asleep with one in my hands last night.
 
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I've been really struggling myself but sometimes what helps me is putting a pillow behind my back and snuggling back against it, or holding a pillow. I'm on the lookout for a teddy bear now :)

Meditation is really helpful, though it can be hard to want to do it when I'm panicking but when I do it it's wonderful! I put my phone on airplane mode and play a guided meditation of up to 10 minutes. See if the Headspace free app is still available. The idea is to "come back" to the here and now.
 
I'm on a mood stabilizer (lamotrigine), a benzo (diazepam) as needed, a beta blocker (propranolol) as needed for controlling physical anxiety/panic symptoms, prazosin before bed for nightmares (makes me able to sleep through them and not wake up drenched in sweat, panicky, etc.), and naltrexone just got added for depersonalization/dissociation, I think it's kinda working but we'll see.

I also take a methylfolate supplement, fish oil, and a b6 multivitamin that has all sorts of stuff in it.

I've tried other meds too. Prozac made me manic, wellbutrin helped for my depression for sure, but made me more anxious. Mirtazapine made me have horrible nightmares, feel like I was drugged, no idea how it would have worked if I kept taking it because I didn't feel like finding out.
 
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