Other Cptsd from the internet; am i a cyberstalker

[Deleted member 46752]

A while back in 2014 I was in some Facebook group about faith based healing. Now this group was a strange amalgam of some truly disturbed types who tried to use it to spread misogyny and other vile concepts(don't ask how I found the group or how others did it was all quite strange). Everyone in the group generally got along once the trolls were removed. Then out of nowhere someone in the group(person A) who was respected by the members added their friend a sort of aging perma-student internet addict living in a different country. This person who was just added then began to shame and bully the members of the group for being "weak" because they didn't ascribe to his rigid legalistic toxic theology of country.

It was quite bizarre to be honest like people would be talking about a movie and he would say stuff like "your countries should be destroyed because you don't preach the gospel and instead spread degeneracy", also his idea of degeneracy was human rights and stuff. sounds crazy because it was this subject was clearly disordered and still freaks me out. The subject(person B) would post lengthy diatribes of cherry picked theology and bible quotes to support his disordered sadism, and had a habit of viciously and smugly without remorse shaming the members myself included just for existing it seemed and all the while made it a point to drive home how smart and safe he was compared to us. Eventually the subject was blocked from the group but turns out the person(more on this fellow in a bit) who added him recruited this guy to troll us because we were perceived as "weak and whiny" so thus deserved to be abused.

The things said have actually scarred me and terrified me. I will always remember that person as being the manifestation of all my fears incarnated. I still beat myself up for even coming across the person and trying to engage them in good faith. It messed my head up as it felt as if even my safe spaces and tools of healing were not safe from outside abuse and had betrayed me. The hurt this person across the globe caused me is extreme, as I found myself getting angry and typing back responses that started off asking for empathy to which the subject would respond "empathy is an illusion", this only lead to more doubt and confusion and ultimately anger. Trust me when I say this person was by the far the worst person I have ever encountered in my life arguably worse than previous abusers, and the scary thing is he seems to have a following amongst people who seem fairly decent. this person is a master manipulator.

After this incident with this internet wacko I noticed myself changing gradually first it started with stomach pains, then I noticed generalized anxiety like a pervasive feeling of not being safe, noticed anger in me growing which is something I never really felt as I prided myself on being slow to anger, obsessive thoughts like I felt this person ruined my life and needed to pay, nightmares,etc. all these things happening to me I blamed on this person because they to me imploded my belief systems. so in turn I started to stalk the person, I later found out that this person has some repressed sadistic paraphilias and was writing pro ISIS pieces along with NAMBLA and child sexual abuse propaganda.

I began sending messages to the parish he claimed to be affiliated with and some of his in real life associates about all this stuff and felt I had to warn others about this person. My vendetta against this person consumed me, this person became all I could think about and the hurt they caused so many others. I eventually went back on meds after a bit of an upswing because of this. Now what I did might constitute cyberstalking but I truly think this person is vile and was just trying to warn others so people don't get hurt.

Now this is where the story takes a turn where "person A" exposes his true colors to me and reveals his motives. "Person A" was the person who added this guy to the group and got defensive that I exposed his acolyte and plan so in turn wanted me to meet him across the country to fight him, then sent me a message about how he knew where someone close to me works, and other such veiled threats including making another alt account with his location updated to where I lived. By this time the group become fully toxic as all the decent people left and the remaining folks(mainly trolls) splintered into some sadistic misogynist Internet echo chamber mainly at the behest of "person A". Now "Person A" is a big fellow with street fighting experience who could easily beat me up this added to my sense of terror and his buddy the cerebral narcissist "Person B" is a desk bound egghead who is extremely well read in a manipulative mechanical way who made me feel emotional disintegration through his deceptive calculated cruel wordplay.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that the Internet will become the new frontier of CPTSD formation. also apologies if I was ranting just wanted to air this out and see if anyone had any feedback. Also it should be noted that around this time I was put on adderal and Zoloft which seemed to help with my obsessions,dislocation,and somatic symptoms. I deactivated from social media for like over a year until a tragedy happened to s Eventually I got off the adderal and was only taking the Zoloft but sort of stopped the Zoloft cold turkey which caused a relapse in my symptoms only more intense I'm now back on Zoloft with MiniPress added. Thanks for reading and advice would be much appreciated

 

[Swift]

Dude....
I dunno if you've had other experienced in your life that could have made this in to a retraumatizing thing for you, and I'm sorry it was such a painful, disconcerting, scary experience.

There are good reasons why we differentiate "trauma" and PTSD from a scientific perspective. Like, there's a noticeable change in brain structure in C-PTSD and PTSD. These structural changes respond to different treatments to other types of mental health conditions.

Of course, that doesn't mean stuff that isn't clinically defined as trauma isn't painful and scary and whatever else, but it means that it responds to different treatments. If you break your foot, it's not going to get better if you get treatment for a broken hand.

One of the key aspects of trauma is it is inescapable. One of the other key aspects is that it is outside your ability to control your exposure to.

How do you think other people might feel as they read this post? People with, say, C-PTSD from years of sadistic sexual abuse for example? Do you really think knowing someone who's so dangerous on the internet compares to having them in your life in a position of power over you, having them actually act out their sick fantasies on you? And - can you see how it might be upsetting to suggest that you can get the same condition from exposure to someone in the internet as opposed to knowing them in real life?

Once again, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. But calling it CPTSD or Criterion A trauma doesn't help anyone, least of all you, because you'll get treated for the wrong condition.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think the bigger problem is that you want PTSD when you don’t have it.

 

[Ronin]

No, dude, internet weirdos are nowhere near real life stalking issues, & things would be different if you met in person and there was a relationship but there was not anything? :wtf:

And I get your anxiety is very troubling you, but Might is nowhere. damned. near living with people that already *do and did* stuff to you and yours, et cetera, Long Rant Saved: Chill out, that scare is something you are making, and not something you need to be concerned with, security wise.

 

[joeylittle]

@TommySunlight - I don't doubt that you are struggling.

I really encourage you to either get better psychiatric help than you currently have, OR use the help you have, more thoroughly.

It's hard to tell if you've ever been correctly diagnosed. You've indicated that you don't tell your therapist everything, and if that's still true, I think that's a big part of the problem. Are you getting your prescriptions from a psychiatrist, or just from your general practitioner?

 

[frogthroat]

The internet isn't a real place. If it's bothering you take a break from the internet. One thing I don't understand and it seems to be prominent with people under 20 is that they think the internet has standing over their real life and is as real as the ground they stand on. Kids are killing themselves over things people say on the internet. Who gives a shit about what someone says on the internet? If you don't like them don't engage with them. Not everyone is going to get along and lots of people are assholes especially when they can hide behind an avatar.
There's no way you have C-PTSD. I'm sorry. People don't get this shit from bad drug trips, the internet, or a break up.
I have PTSD from a childhood full of sadistic abuse and I would do ANYTHING not to have PTSD. It's not trendy and hip to be a giant weirdo that can hardly talk to other people, have sex, or even have acquaintances that you go out with sometimes. PTSD is f*cking miserable. I don't understand people throwing the diagnosis around.

 

[Deleted member 46752]

The internet isn't a real place. If it's bothering you take a break from the internet. One thing I d...

What I witnessed on the internet was extremely distressing it included doxxing, cyberstalking, and engaging with a high iq NAMBLA member who I tried to expose

 

[Muttly]

Well, folks have acknowledged that what you experienced was distressing. I am curious what you want from this thread? If you want folks to agree you have cPTSD, or that internet caused cPTSD is the wave of the future, I doubt you will find the response you are seeking. Just because people here don't agree with you, doesn't mean they can't provide you with responses that can be helpful.

I'm curious, did you have mental health issues before getting involved in the group that caused you so much distress? did you have a prior history with trauma? When things started going wrong, it sounds like you were unwilling or unable to disengage. I'm not saying that as a judgement but to point out there may be things underlying the experience you had with this group. You state

I will always remember that person as being the manifestation of all my fears incarnated.

This strikes me as an unusual response, unless there's some history of yours that was coming into pay.

 

[Swift]

Considering some of us have actually BEEN doxxed, cyberstalked, actually stalked, and actually abused by high IQ paedophiles....
Do you see why people don't seem to be giving you the response you want?

No one's saying it wasn't troubling or distressing, or that you're suffering, because we don't doubt that.

Just - it doesn't cause complex PTSD. You might feel bloody awful with a cold, but it doesn't mean you've got the measles.

I'm not entirely sure why I'm bothering to argue with you. I don't doubt you're suffering. No one here does.

 

[Deleted member 46752]

Considering some of us have actually BEEN doxxed, cyberstalked, actually stalked, and actually abused by...

Thanks for the response but I think you are minimizing this as cyberterrorism and it's aftermath is an understudied field, the people in question were affiliated with 4chan "pol" so one can imagine how perturbed they

Well, folks have acknowledged that what you experienced was distressing. I am curious what you want from...

I had a history of anxiety, depression,ADHD,and trauma previously and the event manifested in a person who embodied all my biggest fears and manipulated my insecurities

 

[Deleted member 47388]

Hi TommySunlight,
Sad that you have such experiences and I came to wonder if you are white, christian or earlier defense employed?
Reason I'm asking is because you said he "wrote pro ISIS pieces along with NAMBLA and child sexual abuse propaganda"

I can tell you from my own experience that it's initially a freaky feeling, but understand that this is only a way to make you hesitate and create mental imbalance to give you the impression that he has control over you, even if he actually had information about you. Psychological warfare of selected ones they studied is at least to say scary. I don't know what else to add for the moment, but I myself preferred to understand the character of terror to cope and then have back the control that was taken from me.

If I'm right in my assumption then you've found someone who understands you very well.

Sincerely
/Backslide

 

[Swift]

I'm not saying cyberterrorism isn't bad.
It's part of my experience, too, and I really don't think seeing someone act like a psycho on the internet can cause complex PTSD.