Recovery and speaking out

[RoadtoHappy]

Hi, I am looking fon some advice please. Below is a message I have been planning to type for over 2 years. I have waited for this time and I finally want to tell me story and not be ashamed. Until now only close fiends and family have known about my struggles. Over time I’m more people found out or were told which is good but now I’m ready to say more.

I’m just wondering and looking for honesty please.. is below too much? Too private for a Facebook post? I don’t want to upset people or have anyone think I’m looking. For attention.. last thing I ever want! Thank you in advance.

Nobody knows what goes on in our minds. On Wednesday I did something I have worked towards for a long time. I made a final police statement over a crime committed against me many years ago. I did not tell a soul what had happened because I was so deeply ashamed and felt so much guilt. Emotions that were not mine to hold. Hiding such a huge secret only worked for so long. Slowly the nightmares, panic attacks, anxiety and ridiculous beliefs caught up with me! I was diagnosed with PTSD and OCD. I had kept all my feelings buried for so long and I was good at it. I always thought of mental health as something so alien to me. Something crazy people deal with. I was ignorant the whole time to my own mental health and how hard I was fighting it. Every human has that voice in their head. The voice of disgust, the voice that tells you you’re not good enough, kind enough, that you are a failure! When I started to tell my nearest and dearest that I was suffering, that I was in therapy, that my anxiety was so bad at times I could not speak to anyone or leave my house they were shocked. If you don’t live with me how can you see when I’m overwhelmed or fighting the urge to hurt myself. I received many comments saying ‘ you are always so happy’ ‘so enrgetic’ ‘never stop talking’. This made me feel like a bigger failure at first because I felt like an imposter already in my own mind. L people only let you see what they want you to see. I have experienced the darkest deepest feelings of pain and I have experienced the most amazing feelings of love and happiness. Every single thing that happens to us is an opportunity to learn and become better. Count even the smallest blessings everyday and it will make you feel happier.

I have finally found my voice and my courage. Speaking about it has taken away the shame and the pain. People are amazing and people care. Don’t suffer on your own, it’s easier with someone walking beside you.

I have worked towards Wednesday for a very long time and really did not believe I could come this far. I did it and I feel so much stronger.

I am no longer afraid to speak up and I am not ashamed to say I suffer with my mental health. I suffer with it but I am doing the work to help heal it. It’s eye opening the amount of people that have or are suffering. The more we open up, the more we talk about metal
Health in general conversations and the more knowledge we have about mental health for everyone, more support will be available for those needing it.

 

[blackemerald1]

honesty please.. is below too much? Too private for a Facebook post? I don’t want to upset people or have anyone think I’m looking. For attention.. last thing I ever want! Thank you in advance.

Hello @RoadtoHappy - If you are asking if that is too much for fb - I would have to say yes.

I know people are very open about their personal lives on social media but the only thing I would remind you is that on fb your are not anonymous (unless you have a fake account and then the question you are asking is no longer relevant)

It is quite possible to have an open and honest discussion and let people you know (in real life) away from the internet - know of you struggle, your pain, your accomplishments and your journey with your mental health - without plastering it on a social media site that isn't responsible for what happens to you in the long term.

In real life if you tell someone something personal unless that person really wants to trash your reputation - it's not likely to fall into the hands of some random individual with no care factor for you whatsoever and who may want to exploit you somehow.

Mental Health is a very personal issue. I am not suggesting you ought to be ashamed or lie. But that is a really long way from putting it on the internet with your name. Once its there... it's not retractable.

I'd be a little bit more conservative in your approach until quite some time has gone by and you have gauged the reactions and support you get from those closest to you that you can discuss and rely on for their opinions first.

All the best,

 

[somerandomguy]

One of the last things I did on Facebook before I stopped using it was to disclose to my entire friends list that I have PTSD. That included most of my co-workers.

It honestly could not have gone any better than it did. I got many Likes and a couple of messages of support.

Why did I do it? After 15 years of pretending to myself that I didn't have it and everything would be fine if I just ignored it, I simply couldn't keep up the pretense. I felt strongly that if I could control my own narrative about my PTSD, I could control my healing. I have no regrets.

That said, my post was quite a bit different from yours: I didn't disclose why I have PTSD in any way. That part just felt too intensely personal for me. If someone had asked, I would have told them in private; but no one asked.

Also, you should know that I have been very judicious about my Facebook friends list. At the first hint of any drama, they're off my friends list. So this is a highly curated group of less than 300 people. I also rarely posted before several months before I disclosed, so I imagine that less than 100 people actually saw my announcement.

I'd ask yourself if you can live with the absolute worst case scenario that might result from your post. In my case, I decided that I could. You might come to a different conclusion.

 

[digger]

Too private for a Facebook post?

I'd say that depends on how you use Facebook.

I have less than 100 friends on Facebook - all of whom I know in some capacity. I am also selective in who, out of those, sees different posts that I make, by using different privacy settings.
That's my personal profile, I also have a business page which obviously I use very differently.

I know other people who use Facebook differently to me, who add anyone who asks, have less knowledge of who their 'friends' are and post publically about all sorts of things.

I don't think either way is right or wrong. It's a personal choice how people use it. But I would say before posting something so big and personal, go down your friends list one by one and ask yourself how you feel about each individual person reading what you are thinking about sharing. Then make the decision about whether you want to be more selective in your audience or not. Or whether you want to edit your content before posting or not. There are ways to say what you're saying - that it's okay to speak up and get help and talk about mental health and that you have your own experience with this etc - without going into so much personal detail about your own situation if you don't want to.

 

[shimmerz]

I am just curious as to why you are asking the question of 'is this too personal'. Sounds like maybe you think so yourself?

My somatics that came with my PTSD were too obvious to be able to hide what was happening with me. It was not something I could hide. Now I think I can. In the meanwhile I have lost most friends, my family (including my children) call me crazy, where I used to be shown tremendous respect I am now spoken around regularly.

Be very careful. Belief systems (mental people) are very strong and can turn a very calm and respectful friend into someone who you have to fight poison daggers from.

 

[EveHarrington]

IMHO for stuff like this...

Those who should know (ie close friends and family) should be told in person because it’s such a serious matter. (Facebook is incredibly impersonal.)

Everyone else? They don’t really need to know given that the stigma surrounding mental health can be quite serious. Stuff on the internet never goes away, and social media privacy settings are known to fail. This means you could be putting things like your job in jeopardy. Not worth it.

 

[RoadtoHappy]

Thank you so much for all the responses everyone. Very much appreciated. I did post it this morning after a long time contemplating. Those closest to me and a few others know already. My job know and have been incredibly supportive. I’m aware of the stigma for mental health and that is why I feel the need to speak up so much. Thank you kindly again for your responses. So far I have received an incredible amount of support. It’s done and I feel so free