Afraid to Post

[Skywatcher]

I have done a few posts and have answered on threads. I used to be a member of a closed online mental health support group, but the profile is listed and anyone looking could publicly see that, so I just never posted anything other than supportive memes. I have started to feel a panic about posting anything mental health related. I wrote an answer to a thread today that I felt would be very helpful, but started to feel panic about its permanence and erased my entire response. Is this happening because I am actually healing and becoming more aware of how posting could affect me, my family and career? Do I mainly post when I am reactive or living in a trauma loop and need help? I have thought about joining a group, but haven't seen any that would work for me. Is anyone else having this experience? Is this anxiety? Any ideas?

 

[somerandomguy]

Maybe by posting here you make your trauma feel real.

Maybe you're a perfectionist and want to craft a perfect response.

Maybe you're shy and are afraid of rejection.

There are a lot of reasons you might feel uncomfortable about posting here. Unfortunately, there's no way for any of us to know which ones are yours. That's something you'll have to think about.

In the meantime, that was an excellent post. I hope you keep posting ?

 

[EveHarrington]

Why do you need to post there?

Why not just post here where you are anonymous?

My guess is that simply being a member of that group where you are identified (Facebook?) is more than enough for you to be discriminated against.

I’d delete those posts and just post here where it’s much more anonymous.

 

[Fadeaway]

I do that sometimes, more often on other sites and all the time in real life. I absolutely think it is anxiety. It is actually a vicious loop. Anxiety causes you to over think, overthinking causes anxiety. Solution, well I will let you know when I figure that out.

 

[Swift]

I get you. There's a lot of reasons you could be worried about posting.

The security on this forum is fantastic... I'm a bit of a nut for cybersecurity after being stalked.

The other things you can do to make yourself feel safer online is run a VPN on your phone or computer, use random hardware addresses, encrypt your apps and your email, change your passwords frequently, have a separate email to your main one that you use for all your mental health stuff or one per site, and not repeat usernames/passwords. (I do all these.) if you use Gmail, don't link your addresses, especially not to anything work or family related. Also - buying your own domain, the security tends to be worse than Gmail, and different laws re: registering an IP address that's available apply, so I'd advise against it.

I think of my online presence a bit like a breadcrumb trail - if I can lay several trails in different directions, anyone who's looking for me is heaps less likely to find me.

Nuclear options for security - separate devices for your "life" and your "stuff" - I had a dual sim phone and two hardware addresses for it while the stalking was bad. Pain in the arse to set up and I don't actually know that it helped any, so I don't do that any more. You're not paranoid if they're really out to get you, though.

Do you have evidence that there are people who would go looking for you online? Or is it just a vague worry? Understandable either way. But - the steps differ.

Of course, all the tech in the world won't solve this if it's an emotional problem, a fear of exposure or saying too much or a worry about not doing it "right."

 

[Skywatcher]

I think that it is mainly related to shame. If my family were to figure out that it is me... they wouldn’t believe me and find a way to convince me that I must be sick to have made up something so horrible.

 

[bhm]

I have done a few posts and have answered on threads. I used to be a member of a closed online mental health support group, but the profile is listed and anyone looking could publicly see that, so I just never posted anything other than supportive memes. I have started to feel a panic about posting anything mental health related. I wrote an answer to a thread today that I felt would be very helpful, but started to feel panic about its permanence and erased my entire response. Is this happening because I am actually healing and becoming more aware of how posting could affect me, my family and career? Do I mainly post when I am reactive or living in a trauma loop and need help? I have thought about joining a group, but haven't seen any that would work for me. Is anyone else having this experience? Is this anxiety? Any ideas?

I think this is quite a shared feeling due to the stigma attached to issuses surrounding mental health, it kept me and quite a few people I know well from accessing help or treatment for years, and having gotten to point of non functionality and having no choice really but seeking help have met many that share the same exerience also, although nowaday there is more understanding surrounding issues of trauma there is still the ingrained ideas of shame attched to mental health issues, I still suffer from similar anxieties quite often, but as i've been working with a trauma recovery team it's been getting better, please don't be affraid to find community, it's great to feel comfort in learning you arn't alone in your struggle, just a thought?

 

[Swift]

Yep, if my family or IRL friends ever found this I'm screwed. But... I've taken steps to make sure that won't happen, and that's helped me feel freer to post.

 

[Emotional girl]

@Skywatcher I was going to write a very similar thread to this a couple of weeks ago but I deleated it.So well done to you for actually writing down how you are feeling.
I get totally how you feel about the shame and worrying about if your family will find out by reading your posts and also the fear of not being believed.
It is a difficult situation to be in because you want help ,support and to share your experiences with others who have been through the same as you but at the same time there is this doubt in the back of your mind just incase you get discovered.
Really it shouldn't be this way as you have done nothing wrong and you have got nothing to be ashamed of,you was the innocent person in all this.
I haven't got any real advice but I just wanted you to know you are not alone.

 

[Maroon731]

I understand. Not sure why either. I have always been scared to speak up. I would cry if seen kinda thing, when triggered. There are moments when my more brave or confident side takes over. But I held trauma secrets though out my life, and it has been helpful to talk a little about the trauma on this site. I have found the responses helpful and I do not get an uneasy or judgy feeling. Sometimes I think I don't deserve to be here, maybe my trauma isn't as bad. Or maybe I shouldn't talk about it. But this community has helped if for no other reason I am typing some of my thoughts in a public forum, which together with more 'raw' personal journal, and seeing a therapist , all has helped me not hide as much and be more confident to show myself. And this site has allowed me to ask questions or be more comfortable with topics I don't discuss in my everyday life with my everyday people. I am thankful to have this resource.