Scared to make a diary

[bhm]

I'm scared to make a diary, I write quite a bit and have shared some of it with my T, who encourages me to think about working up to sharing some of the things I write about but am beyond horrified by this, after I write something I put it away and never look at it again. I'm affraid to be inside my own head, I alredy know whats in there and sometimes writing about helps me kinda bury it, but seeing after the fact brings me back to it and almost literally re live it, any thoughts on this?

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Hi @bhm
I’ve found writing a diary a double-edged sword. An excellent tool, I would never stop writing but I do it in a way that makes me feel safe.

I don’t know what programs you have available to you but even writing to yourself in an email and send it to yourself might be a start.
Tracking what you write is a great way to connect the dots when you’re ready. Until you feel comfortable posting for others to read or want feedback, do whatever you’re comfortable with.

Alice

 

[ladee]

That's why it's called Exposure Therapy. The more we see it again, feel it again, work thru it and not stop the memory, it starts to heal.

You'll know when and if you want to start a diary. I was here for a long time before I did.

Just take your time. you'll know.

I also have another diary I write in, that I can just lay it all out there, and then decide if I want to make it public or not.

 

[bhm]

Hi @bhm
I’ve found writing a diary a double-edged sword. An excellent tool, I would never stop writing but I do it in a way that makes me feel safe.

I don’t know what programs you have available to you but even writing to yourself in an email and send it to yourself might be a start.
Tracking what you write is a great way to connect the dots when you’re ready. Until you feel comfortable posting for others to read or want feedback, do whatever you’re comfortable with.

Alice

I havn't conqured the world of digital formating lol, I have issues with computers and don't even like having a smart phone, I'm pen and paper dinosaur, I have extensive writing I've done but every time I've ever gone back to read any of it I've burnt it instantly, even if I look at the box I keep it in I can almost feel energy coming off it, and I feel that doing anything deep on a public forum could be disturbing and vicariously traumatic to others, I personally stay away from the diaries of others too because I'm scared it will unlock repressed incidents I have and do me in, but I have this insane urge to open the gate and put everything out, I tried starting a word press thing, I was still in super angry hate mode and really didn't like what came out of me, it was just rage and not me. Sorry to ramble, this writing thing is really bothering me.

 

[Chris-duck]

If you do decide to start a diary here you don't need to worry about traumatising us, we're all responsible for managing ourselves here n for the most part good at noping out if a thread is triggering us.

As far as the rest of your concerns go I have no real advice. I guess you could start easy n see how it goes? Or read Anthony's guide on starting a diary?

 

[bhm]

If you do decide to start a diary here you don't need to worry about traumatising us, we're all responsible for managing ourselves here n for the most part good at noping out if a thread is triggering us.

As far as the rest of your concerns go I have no real advice. I guess you could start easy n see how it goes? Or read Anthony's guide on starting a diary?

Thanks for the reassurances, I know everyone is responsible for themselves but have a fear of potentially negatively effecting someone eles, I guess I need to get over that piece, and unfortunately I'm cursed with somewhat of an eidetic memory and recalling past is like watching slo motion footage in my head, and some of it is so whack I've made Combat Vet's I know puke, I'll go through Anthony's thread, thanks for the tips ?

 

[bhm]

That's why it's called Exposure Therapy. The more we see it again, feel it again, work thru it and not stop the memory, it starts to heal.

You'll know when and if you want to start a diary. I was here for a long time before I did.

Just take your time. you'll know.

I also have another diary I write in, that I can just lay it all out there, and then decide if I want to make it public or not.

Thanks ☺ I don't know why at this point I feel like I need to keep an open journal aside from the insane scrawling I have buried away that I'm affraid to Look at, I kinda had an Idea to start at formal journal staring over from scratch to present, from a perspective of where I'm at now, and unleasing the madness of the paper box after the fact to see the progressions or regressions, lol. I'm going to read Anthony's thread and try and get some ideas how to approch this?

 

[somerandomguy]

Hey, welcome to diary-land. It's really not so bad here.

Personally, I've found some of my greatest healing has come from writing my trauma diary and interacting in it with other members (in conjunction, of course, with regular therapy). Anything that you're going through, someone else is also going through or has been through it.

Yes, it may well unlock repressed incidents. It has for me. But consider this: you can't heal what you've repressed. It has to come out into the open in order to be dealt with. Will it do you in? Heh, it might feel like it sometimes, but there WILL be support here. You WILL come out the other side much stronger.

Remember, just being here on this site is triggering. Some people don't read trauma diaries, as they find them too intense. That's perfectly OK. What you write is for YOU. Just you. If you think a diary might be helpful for YOU, give it a try.

 

[bhm]

Hey, welcome to diary-land. It's really not so bad here.

Personally, I've found some of my greatest healing has come from writing my trauma diary and interacting in it with other members (in conjunction, of course, with regular therapy). Anything that you're going through, someone else is also going through or has been through it.

Yes, it may well unlock repressed incidents. It has for me. But consider this: you can't heal what you've repressed. It has to come out into the open in order to be dealt with. Will it do you in? Heh, it might feel like it sometimes, but there WILL be support here. You WILL come out the other side much stronger.

Remember, just being here on this site is triggering. Some people don't read trauma diaries, as they find them too intense. That's perfectly OK. What you write is for YOU. Just you. If you think a diary might be helpful for YOU, give it a try.

Wise advice, from everyone! I was freaked by the site when I first came and had to go away for a while, now that I've grounded somewhat and engaged in treatment I'm finding it theraputic and helpful, I've been struggling with DBT and starting a new diary, and when I write the way I have been or try to write my adrenalin goes ramped like I've done a hit of speed, thanks for helping me baby step into this. It's like wading into the shallow end of a freezing cold outdoor olympic pool for the first time, or the first I jumped out of a perfectly good plane, lol

 

[Chris-duck]

You can always browse about and see if itd be something helpful for ya?

 

[somerandomguy]

It's like wading into the shallow end of a freezing cold outdoor olympic pool for the first time, or the first I jumped out of a perfectly good plane, lol

Very apt comparisons actually.

I found reading and trying to follow Anthony's guidelines for writing a trauma diary to be super helpful, myself.

 

[bhm]

Very apt comparisons actually.

I found reading and trying to follow Anthony's guidelines for writing a trauma diary to be super helpful, myself.

I've been reading through the guidelines, it's a great resource! I work in mental health/subantace use and am going to be going back to school to take more courses, feild realted and in psycology, having a deep background of "lived experience" and working in feild is like walking a f*cking tightrope, I'm off on stress leave on an extended disability claim,.. After a certian incident exposure, I literally a full psycological collapse, faced with a lifetime of incidents I thought I had moved past, thanks to the wonders of repression, denial, and self medication, actually standing before it all, sober and acknowledging it is a f*cking trip, more than anything eles I can't believe I'm still alive. f*ck! Lol ??