Therapist telling me it's time to move on

[Stephernovas]

Long story short, I'm still injured from my accident 15 months ago. I've hit a plateau in physio with the current information we have on my body, so I am currently not being treated. I have been referred to various other tests due to symptoms (i.e. numbness, memory issues and etc). I saw my therapist for the first time in like 3 weeks today (in the meantime I had to go in and see someone else because this time around I had a hard time managing alone). Today in session she commented that it's time I move into the acceptance stage of grief and loss, citing maybe the way my body is now is 'as good as it's going to get'.

I am not ready to accept this. I understand a therapist's job is to push you into uncomfortable things, but pretty sure it's the individual who determines when they are ready to process something major in their life like that. If I accept it as it is now, I accept that I no longer can hit the gym or basically do anything I used to enjoy. Sorry it's taken me longer than 1.5 years to just suddenly be okay with what happened to me! Especially since I have pain everyday to remind me of what I've 'lost'.

 

[somerandomguy]

I think we move into this kind of stuff on our own time. In your shoes, I would probably be ok with a little push from my therapist - something like "Would you like to start exploring what it might mean if you don't get any better than you are now?" But for a T to just say "You're not going to get any better, so you need to enter the next phase now" - that would probably feel a little bit like a slap in my face, I think.

 

[Stephernovas]

I think we move into this kind of stuff on our own time. In your shoes, I would probably be ok with a little push from my therapist - something like "Would you like to start exploring what it might mean if you don't get any better than you are now?" But for a T to just say "You're not going to get any better, so you need to enter the next phase now" - that would probably feel a little bit like a slap in my face, I think.

That’s about what she got from me to be honest. Like sorry. This is my life, not yours. I know what I can handle, don’t tell me what I can handle. You are not me

 

[hithere]

Long story short, I'm still injured from my accident 15 months ago. I've hit a plateau in physio with the current information we have on my body, so I am currently not being treated. I have been referred to various other tests due to symptoms (i.e. numbness, memory issues and etc). I saw my therapist for the first time in like 3 weeks today (in the meantime I had to go in and see someone else because this time around I had a hard time managing alone). Today in session she commented that it's time I move into the acceptance stage of grief and loss, citing maybe the way my body is now is 'as good as it's going to get'.

I am not ready to accept this. I understand a therapist's job is to push you into uncomfortable things, but pretty sure it's the individual who determines when they are ready to process something major in their life like that. If I accept it as it is now, I accept that I no longer can hit the gym or basically do anything I used to enjoy. Sorry it's taken me longer than 1.5 years to just suddenly be okay with what happened to me! Especially since I have pain everyday to remind me of what I've 'lost'.

I agree with you--concerning your recovery physically (and emotionally/cognitively etc) it is your decision. I want to share about a shoulder injure I had that was insanely painful. The physical therapy for it was excruciating and I made much progress. My range of motion was almost back to normal and the surgeon told me that's as good as it gets and to accept it. I said, no way. He said someone your age should be happy with that range of motion. I was angry. I then had to pay out of pocket for further physical therapy. The physical therapist was a young guy and he told me the same thing. I said no way, a year and half ago I was swimming at a much higher level and I plan to go back to the level I had. He said, "you're not a professional baseball player, why would you care that you don't have complete full range motion of your shoulder? You're not throwing fast balls in pro ball" I was so angry. I paid the money and I continued working my shoulder and breaking up the scar tissue until I had FULL RANGE motion and was back to my level of swimming I had before. I think it's Bull Shit to say "accept" where you are at, especially at your age. I applaud my friends who have suffered strokes and told to accept their limitations. They didn't and by hard painful work they got their speach back and ability to walk. I say don't give up. If you aren't dead, then there's the oppotunity to improve. What do they want you to do? If you are in pain you are in pain whether it's emotional, physical, etc. What's wrong with these "professionals" More power to you

 

[Stephernovas]

I agree with you--concerning your recovery physically (and emotionally/cognitively etc) it is your decision. I want to share about a shoulder injure I had that was insanely painful. The physical therapy for it was excruciating and I made much progress. My range of motion was almost back to normal and the surgeon told me that's as good as it gets and to accept it. I said, no way. He said someone your age should be happy with that range of motion. I was angry. I then had to pay out of pocket for further physical therapy. The physical therapist was a young guy and he told me the same thing. I said no way, a year and half ago I was swimming at a much higher level and I plan to go back to the level I had. He said, "you're not a professional baseball player, why would you care that you don't have complete full range motion of your shoulder? You're not throwing fast balls in pro ball" I was so angry. I paid the money and I continued working my shoulder and breaking up the scar tissue until I had FULL RANGE motion and was back to my level of swimming I had before. I think it's Bull Shit to say "accept" where you are at, especially at your age. I applaud my friends who have suffered strokes and told to accept their limitations. They didn't and by hard painful work they got their speach back and ability to walk. I say don't give up. If you aren't dead, then there's the oppotunity to improve. What do they want you to do? If you are in pain you are in pain whether it's emotional, physical, etc. What's wrong with these "professionals" More power to you

You and I have the exact same mindset. If I need more time off or funds for physio, then that is what I need to focus on. Not “maybe this is as good as it’s going to get”. Sorry but I’m not going to live a gimp life just because worker’s comp only cares if I’m able to work even with impairments. They are supposed to restore you to PRE-ACCIDENT state. Not half-assed state!

I’m seriously considering switching therapists now. I have one more session booked. She commented on it today and said I should book more (she usually fills up fast). I didn’t. I’ve been feeling crappier and crappier after our sessions the last while. Ever since one day she decided to start pressuring me

 

[EveHarrington]

I honestly don’t think that we have control over what stage of grief/loss we are in.

I know I don’t.

I know that I go through the stages as my mind sees fit.

It can’t be forced.

 

[MyWillow]

Agree it can’t be forced, but having had several serious injuries one of the things that really helped me was finding and doing something I was passionate about. Because the stress of being injured and incapacitated certainly impacts negatively on pain and recovery. In the meantime I kept advocating for myself and have finally landed an awesome physio who has helped me make a lot more progress, more slowly but more quickly if that makes sense. It definitely hasn’t been an easy process but there is light at the end of the tunnel. One thing that helped me move on towards acceptance was understanding that I could do ANYTHING but I might need to break it up into smaller bite size pieces rather than slogging it like I normally do.

Best wishes xxx

 

[Rumors]

So I had a friend that got run over by a concrete truck. She lost a limb and had several other severe injuries that have left her somewhat handicap. The car looked like a recycled, cursed beer can. When I sit with her today, she has no grudge, anxiety, hard feelings, etc. I have asked her how she can be so forgiving and at peace, I mean her life WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. She simply says that there is something to be learned from every experience and your energy is best served learning rather than wishing and hoping for something that can't happen. I asked her what she has "learned" from this seemingly unfair and horrific experience. Her answer simply, "life isn't fair but always find gratefulness in every experience. I could have easily died but I didn't so I think I will just be grateful..." She lives with pain and finds healthy ways to manage that but her gratefulness carries her when times are tough. I am wondering if you can get to the root of why you are still angry if that could help alleviate some of these issues? Not sure if reframing all of this can help and perhaps your therapist was hoping that being able to focus on how to play the hand you are dealt could help you move forward??? Anyway, good luck. I hope you can find some relief.

 

[TTC18]

I think that after many years of physical therapy, with zero progress forward, that might be a better time to wonder if you should stop pushing yourself too hard - 15 months is very little time in the grand scheme of things, and this seems like an odd stance for the therapist to take. Stop trying to improve? Stop trying to get better? Huh? Now if you're obsessing over it, and resting all your hopes of future happiness on your ability to be just exactly as you were before your accident, then maybe that'd be something to discuss, but this seems like something that's not very positive.
I hate it when people pressure me, also.

 

[blackemerald1]

I have been referred to various other tests due to symptoms (

she commented that it's time I move into the acceptance stage of grief and loss, citing maybe the way my body is now is 'as good as it's going to get'.

^^Hold on - you have ongoing symptoms that are still being investigated. I think the least she and any therapist can do is hold off conclusions about it all until this has all been investigated.

 

[Stephernovas]

^^Hold on - you have ongoing symptoms that are still being investigated. I think the least she and any therapist can do is hold off conclusions about it all until this has all been investigated.

Again, pretty much my thoughts. That’s why when (in my other post) people bring up back to work I start getting nervous. There’s too many unknowns still right now. They keep thinking/saying returning me to that stuff could “help” me. No. I am not doing well because of the UNCERTAINTY of what my brain/body can/can’t do anymore. Then let me grieve that or whatever I need to do.

 

[grit]

Hi Stephernovas
When the therapist told you her decision (which I personally do not agree) what was your immediate feeling?

If I was in your shoes, I would feel intense anger that she was giving me her timeline from her cushion to decide when it is for me to move on something she is not experiencing herself. much easy to say than done! It would be like get off your high horse b$$$###@!
But we are polite society and not impulsive bunch so probably, I would internalized this anger and go to my husband would be like did you hear what ms knows it all said today? She said it is time for me to move on! and ACCEPT THIS! WHAT A BALONEY>

my attempt at humor!

I am very sorry this therapist is not emphatic or in-tune with you at this moment but we are all human and have our days.

it is good you acknowledge it is your decision. to me this means you have extremely a great boundary. I admire this. I am just learning about my own boundaries.

One of the ways to benefit from therapist is to acknowledge your feeling and try to express it back to her without acting on it.
I think you have a good control over yourself and will do just fine to let her know thanks for your hope but this is mine.