Gender fluidity

[Mach123]

So you all are so encouraging and reading your sh*t has just been cathartic in so many ways and I want to say thanks and I'm grateful because I'm not howling mad at anything and wanting to get anyone right now so I can afford it?

So I'm going to say that part of myself/my condition is in fact gender fluidity. Well, my avatar says that right? Now I said it. : ) I don't know what else to say about it right now except I hope any of you here who are gender fluid will come here and talk about whatever and maybe give me some insight into how the hell you are supposed to interact in this world lol.

Thanks again.

 

[Sweetleaf]

What I'd like to say is: don't let what other people think stop you from doing what you want, in regards to your gender identity, appearance, mannerisms, etc.

Like, out in the real world. On the internet it can feel a lot safer in some places (like here) and less safe in others.

But if you go out in the real world, just own it. Appear as you wish, and don't give any f*cks about potential haters out there.

Everyone should feel free to wear whatever the f*ck clothes they want. What right do others have, to tell you how to dress, how to act, what to identify as, etc.?

My experience with genderbending out in public is - just own it, and people bother you less. Appear nervous, speak nervous, and people bother you more.

That, said I am in a very red area. But even here, even years ago, people didn't bother me if I just f*ckin' owned it, and made it appear as if I don't give a shit what people think about my appearance.

As to what to do when someone does give you shit? I guess that's up to you. I've often just ignored it, and honestly, if you appear confident, when people give you shit it tends to be wimpy ways of giving you shit like staring at you and shaking their head in disapproval. They tend to be too wimpy to go up to you and say something to your face, or to say anything at all. It's very passive aggressive and weak.

Sometimes people will emphatically state your birth gender's pronouns and such, or like, emphatically say "Ma'am/Sir" thinking that they will irritate you. Best thing to do there to pop their bubble is not give a shit.

Usually, if it's like a cashier or employee at some location who is passive aggressively treating you like shit because of your appearance, they'll turn around once they realize you're not one of the people who gives -them- shit. (assuming you see them regularly)

 

[Mach123]

Yeah, I get all that, but that's not how it is for me. Thanks so much for posting. I was just going to talk some more about "what this means to me." With me, I act this out mostly with my partner. (And the therapist who has helped me SO much) It has to do with intimacy more than anything and submissiveness. I already am a girl I don't have to make myself look like one. I also like (like like) girls. I don't like men much and I have no SSA in real life at all. The not liking men thing is getting a little worse lately. I just saw a male podiatrist and I came away from that really unhappy especially because he didn't do what my podc (she) said he would.

I'm looking forward to exploring this here. : )

 

[Vee]

I just wanted to express that I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to be out and be you. No matter what our gender identity or sexual orientation, we all deserve to be in safe spaces were we feel able to be ourselves.

 

[Friday]

I’m truly surprised to read this, as the impression I’ve gotten from you is that you have exceptionally rigid ideas surrounding gender roles & markers.

 

[Mach123]

Thanks! I laughed out loud, and I'm not at all surprised. I haven't completely written out the whole thing but I'm working on it in my dominance and submission thread. I didn't start out to write a narrative there but it's developing into one a little. This Me is rigid, that Me fluid, there's a real trick to it. Parts, suppression, disassociation and self loathing along with who knows what else will do that to a person. I'm doing my best with difficult material? Things aren't always what they seem, or how they sound. : )

 

[Mach123]

Dead Link Removed

 

[somerandomguy]

I think Joe Kort does some incredible work around sexuality among abused men. Definitely look up his other articles.

 

[Mach123]

That particular article was good. What he wrote was what I lived but the part about it being sexual abuse was blocked out somehow. The fact that he linked to MS speaks volumes to how little help/information is available. I can't even talk about it really. Thanks for saying something. He's a little offhand about it as if he were "just talking about a sex life" and everything else goes along normally. I guess my "compartments" were not solid enough to allow me to do that. I'm glad I read that, I have not tried to watch the video, I'm afraid to get "set off." (Can't get used to saying trigger) I sent the link to the therapist. I've been understanding a little how angry I always was about how I felt. Have not been feeling really comfortable lately at all, not even to write or read anything. Just sort of laying low. I will see if I can catch up on reading some of your diary, maybe it'll make me feel better.

 

[ImSad]

I think I’m gender fluid. Never said it out loud before. Only typed it out once before, in a paper to a professor that I knew could relate. Everyone already knows that I’m gay, I’ve been out for nearly a decade, but I’ve yet to talk about or really explore this aspect of my identity. It scares the hell out of me. I want to bring it to my T, but I just don’t see myself doing it any time soon. I don’t know how to. I’m too afraid of judgement and misunderstanding. I know I will need to tell her eventually, because I think it has a lot to do with my body image issues (definitely not the sole reason for them, but part of it for sure). I also feel weird sometimes when people refer to me as a woman/girl. Like in therapy, when i’m working on “little me” stuff and she says to talk to/think of that “little girl”. Sometimes that just doesn’t feel right and makes me uncomfortable. I think I’d like for her to just say “little me” instead, to take the gender out of it, but...I don’t know a way to bring that up without having to tell her about the gender identity stuff.

Sorry if this is kind of ramble-y and not really the type of response you were looking for. Just saw “gender fluid” thread and really felt the need to get some of this stuff off my chest.

 

[Ronin]

I think I’d like for her to just say “little me” instead, to take the gender out of it, but...I don’t know a way to bring that up without having to tell her

:sneaky: But you DO know how to bring it up already.
As in precisely this way as you have done on thread, already: I am not comfortable with being referred to this way, and would prefer if you phrased it differently, thank you very much :D

You do not owe people (not even your therapist) the reasons for the change, and you do not have to justify that change. It is simply how you feel right now, respecting your personhood better, and ways to better communicate with you and address your issues, nothing owed.

 

[ImSad]

:sneaky: But you DO know how to bring it up already.
As in precisely this way as you have done on thread, already: I am not comfortable with being referred to this way, and would prefer if you phrased it differently, thank you very much :D

You do not owe people (not even your therapist) the reasons for the change, and you do not have to justify that change. It is simply how you feel right now, respecting your personhood better, and ways to better communicate with you and address your issues, nothing owed.

@Ronin huh, I guess that’s true! I’m not super sure that I’ll actually bring it up anytime soon, though. Typing it out on a forum where i’m anonymous is one thing; saying it out loud in person is another. Even if I’m not bringing up the gender stuff. I have a hard time advocating for myself, and I feel as though if I brought up the change in language I would want to tell her the gender stuff. Agh. My brain is all over the place with this... but, you’ve made a great point. I suppose in time I may be able to say at least that much to my T. For now it just felt good to get it out (even anonymously).