Therapist telling me it's time to move on

[MyWillow]

I’m hearing you. I really am. That better, faster thing is something my physio wanted, my boss wanted and I wanted. To the point of exhaustion. And yes it’s totally about boundaries but you can put them in place calmly and consistently. Please read the book. It was so helpful and I GET the science. I’m a scientist. Animal stress and physiology - don’t you love the irony lol

As my Hand OT loved to remind me “it’s all in your head”. Which doesn’t mean I’m imagining things at all but that the brain is what interprets all the signals. Essentially we are just a big mass of nerve endings. She asked me to read the book. My new physio has both authors as his lecturers/mentors. And these two have made THE most difference to my recovery.

It’s a horrible place to be - like being in no mans land. But there is a way out of it all. Take care and please be kind to yourself. My hand OT and my psydoc are really into reassuring myself that I’m safe and that I’m listening to my body. It really does help.

 

[Stephernovas]

I’m hearing you. I really am. That better, faster thing is something my physio wanted, my boss wanted and I wanted. To the point of exhaustion. And yes it’s totally about boundaries but you can put them in place calmly and consistently. Please read the book. It was so helpful and I GET the science. I’m a scientist. Animal stress and physiology - don’t you love the irony lol

As my Hand OT loved to remind me “it’s all in your head”. Which doesn’t mean I’m imagining things at all but that the brain is what interprets all the signals. Essentially we are just a big mass of nerve endings. She asked me to read the book. My new physio has both authors as his lecturers/mentors. And these two have made THE most difference to my recovery.

It’s a horrible place to be - like being in no mans land. But there is a way out of it all. Take care and please be kind to yourself. My hand OT and my psydoc are really into reassuring myself that I’m safe and that I’m listening to my body. It really does help.

Thanks. I will look into it. My old physio (the one I had before switching to another) tried to force on me the book “pain and nothing but” or something like that. It was still pretty early in my recovery and he threatened me by saying “do you want me to write to worker’s comp they you’re refusing to read what I’m recommending to you?” I got so pissed and when he kept pressing that, I burst into tears telling him it was triggering - he immediately backed off.

It wasn’t until closer to when my 2nd physio started saying without more tests she wasn’t sure how much more I was gaining from being treated at this current moment. The way she presented that to me did upset me, but I was able to understand it better and I agreed with her. It’s frustrating to not know how to relieve the issue when all the tests and current “professionals” (some are just knuckleheads), are saying nothing is visibly wrong.

That’s when I convinced myself I was lying and pushed past the pain in the gym. It turned out that I knew I wasn’t lying because I began walking funny, And my body responded by flaring up the symptoms. I also started to get increasingly dizzy (post concussion). So the concussion doc told me to stop all exercise and weights and follow her graded aerobic plan, and to stop the second I feel any symptoms.

I guess I don’t know how else to have these people understand that I am not in control of my symptoms. All I can do is respect and manage them as they are currently. As my therapist said “sometimes you just need a push” - no. Sometimes you do not need that. I push myself at an appropriate pace. Therapy is supposed to be my safe place where you make me feel good about myself and support me in my efforts. Not punish me with words because I’m not where others believe I should be. I could understand her logic more if when I went for driving rehab or other return to work assessments I did alright. But the fact they come back as “client is severe and not ready”....what does she think continually forcing me beyond my current abilities will do?

She literally told me that she believe subconsciously there is a neurological block and I have learned to panic is opportune situations to get me out of doing things I don’t want to do (I.e. return to work).

Seriously?!?! Lol I believe that’s fear and stress induced honey. OF COURSE my brain is going to respond like that given the trauma I experienced. You’re acting as though I’ve been planning this all along - THIS IS PTSD!

So I had a friend that got run over by a concrete truck. She lost a limb and had several other severe injuries that have left her somewhat handicap. The car looked like a recycled, cursed beer can. When I sit with her today, she has no grudge, anxiety, hard feelings, etc. I have asked her how she can be so forgiving and at peace, I mean her life WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. She simply says that there is something to be learned from every experience and your energy is best served learning rather than wishing and hoping for something that can't happen. I asked her what she has "learned" from this seemingly unfair and horrific experience. Her answer simply, "life isn't fair but always find gratefulness in every experience. I could have easily died but I didn't so I think I will just be grateful..." She lives with pain and finds healthy ways to manage that but her gratefulness carries her when times are tough. I am wondering if you can get to the root of why you are still angry if that could help alleviate some of these issues? Not sure if reframing all of this can help and perhaps your therapist was hoping that being able to focus on how to play the hand you are dealt could help you move forward??? Anyway, good luck. I hope you can find some relief.

Ive thought of this and can identify why I’m angry but apparently that has yet to be entirely explored in therapy

 

[Stephernovas]

I recently made 2 posts, and in getting my thoughts out here with you guys I think I finally have determined that my resistance is towards people who are pushing me into something when I'm not ready.

I told my therapist many times that I am a self-starter, and a very motivated individual. I've never stopped trying to get myself back into the gym/life. I've had friends tell me I'm very compassionate and empathetic to others and advise them to take time they need to think clearly, yet be happy. They respond with telling me they don't understand how I can say that, yet have 'God-like' expectations of myself and my recovery.

If I was ready, wouldn't I say things like, "well this may be hard, but I'm ready for the challenge" or something? Like I'd be willing to do anything to perform those duties again? Right now that's how passionate I am about ensuring I keep up on my ADL's. In social work they always say to make sure you take care of yourself before you extend yourself to others - where is this logic now?

If I went back today I would not have the appropriate support I need to be successful. I need more time until I am able to self-manage and self-regulate. I'm frustrated by people who have and currently are cheating the system because that is a good chunk of what is making this so much harder for me right now. There are days I've literally done nothing but wake up and sit down, and I feel like I just got shmucked in to vehicle again (I'm thinking it's my dizzy concussion symptoms coming into play here).

The CBT skills they keep referring to are things I've used in the past for 'smaller' levels of my anxiety. Perhaps my anxieties (as reported) are too severe to simply 'use a few skills' to manage. Perhaps I need more support than that, but the service providers are at a loss for it because they have not experienced a trauma as big as I have - you know?

My therapist often comments how she's an anxious person and she promotes the CBT skills because she knows they work. I reply with yes, I know they work too - for my much smaller anxieties! And, maybe they will work again for this one, but it's going to take a lot more effort and a lot more time for me to break it down into tolerable chunks. Kind of like a portion of dinner - it only makes sense that a smaller steak is quicker and easier to manage, yet a steak 10 times the smaller one is much bigger and will take much longer to chew and swallow.

I don't know. I feel like I make so much sense on here, but when I'm in session with my therapist I often state 'I don't remember'. I can't handle the confrontation, or the challenging of my thoughts. I'm still learning to state them and assertively stand behind them when others try to shake and threaten me. I'm not a closed minded individual, and would really, really appreciate it if someone would respect my boundaries at this time.

 

[blackemerald1]

Worse case scenario and I'm not suggesting you should do this but maybe give it to your T to consider next time she pressure's you; what would happen if you did return to work & did not manage?

What would be their liability?

I know some people game the system but it's not as prevalent as we are led to believe.

 

[Stephernovas]

I know some people game the system but it's not as prevalent as we are led to believe.

You know, now that you put it this way and given my issues/concerns, I've never realized how true this is. Thanks for the eye-opener!

 

[grit]

Hi Stephernovas

I cannot get over how similar your comments are to my inner dialogue.

Regardless of what the therapist is doing or what you are doing or what we are saying, at the end of the day, trust me you want to get better MORE THAN ALL OF US COMBINED. it is hard job and it is not like you are purposefully sitting in the corner, pouting like a toddler. It is the nature of trauma. Please be gentle on yourself.

I want to link a document but i have been warned one more mistake of copy infringement and I am out of the site and I do not want risk it. I will try to explain and I hope you can find it and read it. Short and sweet and extremely powerful.
Please google an article written by Erdinc Ozturk and Vedat Sar in December 1, 2016 published on medcraveonline. it is a great PDF file and it is amazing. Simple, engaging and extremely hopeful information. The title is The Trauma-self and its resistance in psychotherapy.

good luck.

 

[Stephernovas]

Hi Stephernovas

I cannot get over how similar your comments are to my inner dialogue.

Regardless of what the therapist is doing or what you are doing or what we are saying, at the end of the day, trust me you want to get better MORE THAN ALL OF US COMBINED. it is hard job and it is not like you are purposefully sitting in the corner, pouting like a toddler. It is the nature of trauma. Please be gentle on yourself.

I want to link a document but i have been warned one more mistake of copy infringement and I am out of the site and I do not want risk it. I will try to explain and I hope you can find it and read it. Short and sweet and extremely powerful.
Please google an article written by Erdinc Ozturk and Vedat Sar in December 1, 2016 published on medcraveonline. it is a great PDF file and it is amazing. Simple, engaging and extremely hopeful information. The title is The Trauma-self and its resistance in psychotherapy.

good luck.

Thank you, I have taken a screenshot and when I feel capable of giving it the attention it deserves I will look it up.

I have create a daily symptom log/journal to hopefully communicate to these “service providers” just how much I actually AM trying and what 10 days (if I make it that far) in my life looks like. I have goals, symptoms, triggering events, plan of action/treatment, and outcome.

If that doesn’t show effort towards my recovery then I don’t know what else these people want from me. You cannot get blood from a stone, So stop hacking at me!

 

[Abstract]

My therapist often comments how she's an anxious person and she promotes the CBT skills because she knows they work.

You know this of course but I truly hope she is approaching this in a trauma approach and not one aimed at anxiety for you. Anxiety:just looking how our reactions arent appropriate whereas with PTSD: we are reliving not just catastrophizing. It is now. Subtle difference in CBT approach with the 2 but really really important, for me anyway. Also: Treat anxiety? Leave the past behind. PTSD? Go into the past and deal with it.

Relate to being someone who needs to be front seat not the back of the car.

 

[EveHarrington]

Idk anything much about trauma cbt, just regular cbt, but I do know that regular cbt is just fixing things after the fact. Have a reaction? Change your thoughts/actions and you will feel better! Yes, it IS helpful, but at the same time I know I personally got the most gains from things that prevent the reactions in the first place, because then cbt isn’t even necessary most of the time (because my thoughts/feelings/actions aren’t even getting to the point of being whacked out). I guess what I’m saying is that cbt isn’t the end all/be all of ptsd treatment. Good, yes, even very good.....but if you’re having these kinds of reactions/triggers to so much around you, you’re going to need more than cbt imho, especially if you’ve got childhood trauma, too. You’re attacking your physical ailments from all sides, why not your mental ailments, too?

 

[Stephernovas]

Idk anything much about trauma cbt, just regular cbt, but I do know that regular cbt is just fixing things after the fact. Have a reaction? Change your thoughts/actions and you will feel better! Yes, it IS helpful, but at the same time I know I personally got the most gains from things that prevent the reactions in the first place, because then cbt isn’t even necessary most of the time (because my thoughts/feelings/actions aren’t even getting to the point of being whacked out). I guess what I’m saying is that cbt isn’t the end all/be all of ptsd treatment. Good, yes, even very good.....but if you’re having these kinds of reactions/triggers to so much around you, you’re going to need more than cbt imho, especially if you’ve got childhood trauma, too. You’re attacking your physical ailments from all sides, why not your mental ailments, too?

No one has offered more than CBT or meds. Also any thought of me doing any kind of prevention work is dubbed as avoidance. I feel f*cked either way.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

You might consider that your therapist is dead wrong in her approach. My last one was in a potentially dangerous way.

I had a similar experience that ran almost half a year and ended about 7 months ago in a very bad way.

My old therapist has never read any records of my past, she chose not too, she did not take the time to learn about my trauma, in fact from day 1 she refused to have anything to do with trauma saying she has no training in it. So when I had my EMDR body memory crisis she was ill equipped to deal with it. And she was throwing nothing but more chaos and crisis into and existing crisis, essentially shooting from the hip as some would coin the phrase.

For me I was in DBT and EMDR at the same time I saw my T, body memories from the and a homework assignment in DBT that was specific to my crisis with the body memories was enough to send me into the hospital. Afterwards my therapist then suggested I stop everything, therapy, everything. I opted to pull out of DBT. What really got me to not trusting her is she and the DBT therapist ganged up on me by the DBT therapist being in the session when I showed up for my session with my therapist, I was not asked until the very moment I showed up for my session. They took control over me situation-ally, an act that in the past has put me in crisis and landed me in the hospital. For me this was a huge boundary violation, and triggered right into my PTSD. For the next 6 months I gave it a chance to work with that T.

Then the discussion of doing volunteer work to consumer my thinking time came up, and she landed a bomb on me. She made the statement she thought I could work. I fought for disability for over 2 years, and my ruling said I could work but could not keep the work due to my instability. For me she then became a threat, as the wrong thing said in her thinking, with her never having taken the time to know me well and my past could lead to my loss of disability and being made homeless. This was the second violation by my old therapist.

My current therapist was appalled when I told her about this. She flat out said what my disability ruling said, that I at times can barely function, so maintaining work was not realistic. My hospitalizations back that up. My disability review was occurring at the time, and if they contacted my old therapist, her mindset would have cost me my disability and made me homeless, all from her unqualified viewpoint and statements. Fortunately that did not happen as Social Security chose to not do the review after getting the survey from me, based on the hospitalizations I had in last few years.

Having given things a chance with my old therapist, my feelings towards her and her actions were not improving, so I came to the realization it was time to change therapists. And looked at alternatives, in the mean time I also wrote my old therapist a letter confronting her with my issues with her. Her response to that was not to sit down with me in session and hash things out like i expected, no her response was another boundary violation, I showed up for session only to be faced with the same issue of someone sitting in on my session which in this case was her boss. I was never asked if I was ok with that before, just like I was not when the first boundary violation occurred. It felt like an ambush. That session I was forced to terminate with them without any fallback, where in making a change I would have preferred an orderly transition. This led to my alternative falling thru the next day. Which put me in crisis as all of a sudden I had no care at all. Fortunately the following day I got hooked up with the alternative, and my current therapist.

Turns out where I ended up (my current therapist) has me in a better place. So in a way all the above led to a blessing, of having a therapist I do now who is wonderful, who has learned my past, learned my trauma. has trauma of her own so she can relate, and who challenges my thinking based on how my trauma has affected me with cognitive distortions.

 

[Tinyflame]

These statements stick out to me:

I am not doing well because of the UNCERTAINTY of what my brain/body can/can’t do anymore. Then let me grieve.

Therapy is supposed to be my safe place where you make me feel good about myself and support me in

she believe subconsciously there is a neurological block and I have learned to panic is opportune situations to get me out of doing things I don’t want to do (I.e. return to work).
Seriously?!?! Lol I believe that’s fear and stress induced honey. OF COURSE my brain is going to respond like that given the trauma I experienced. You’re acting as though I’ve been planning this all along - THIS IS PTSD!

and

PTSD: we are reliving not just catastrophizing. It is now. Subtle difference in CBT approach with the 2 but really really important, for me anyway. Also: Treat anxiety? Leave the past behind. PTSD? Go into the past and deal with it.

I think she is very much missing or misunderstanding the situational uncertainty trigger @recoveringfromptsd said, as you said @Stephernovas about your brain and body's response.

Because 'life' constantly involves situational uncertainty constantly. Much anxiety, including social anxiety, etc, comes from that. But it doesn't involve lived experience of uncertain situations and where will it go from there, wherein (you) are 1) discarded, and help or care or protection is absent, withheld or removed (including, but not limited to, abandonment and neglect as a child) 2 ) you are required to perform or accomplish without regard to symptoms/ reality/ limitations or adjustments (we hide most everything everyday as is; in it's extreme it's denial; equally if without resources we are accustomed to having to do it ourself, prehaps since a child, and we know how we felt and how well that turned out (sic) ) , and 3) are faced with violence or trauma introduced with the situational uncertainty (adult and child abuse, of all forms; stalking; threats; coercion; etc), and the consequences/ backlash/ punishment and risk, and no protection or sufficient resources for defense.

If you've lived those things, and more, the meaning of it, the reactions to it, and what it signifies for you, are very different. If that makes sense. To the average person uncertainty brings anxiety, maybe disappointment, discomfort or maybe a low level of dread; with ptsd it's a 5-alarm fire. It's what is believed, felt, perceived, and feared, that will follow the uncertainty, that is the experential reality, far and beyond what someone without it experiences; as @Abstract said, this is 'now'.

Most of the time when the conclusion is, it's just 'try harder', something critical has been missed. JMHO.

Hugs to you. :hug: