Confusion

[Pauline]

Hey guys I'm really struggling at the moment how can I possibly move on from my trauma when I don't and can't understand what is happened I want to learn and grow from it and heal from it but how can I even do that when I'm so confused over it and still terrified by it it's so unfair I just don't understand why it happened to me and there was nothing good came from it or no like lesson learnt or whatever it just made me as a person more scared and fragile and before my trauma happened I used to be a very different person and I just wished it never happened at all because it was so terrifyingly pointless does anyone else feel like this with there trauma

 

[Abstract]

Hi Pauline,
Its far from simple but personally dont think things happen for a reason good or bad. They just happen. Not our fault. All the fear and feeling different and everything is the trauma symptoms not you. And trauma symptoms can improve. Lf course you wish it didnt happen. Totally natural.

 

[Friday]

I want to learn and grow from it

I think this is a common movie thing, rather than a real life thing.

How do you learn and grow from a house fire? I’m such a better person because the neighbors kids were all burned alive!!! Ummmm... not so much, right? How about the car accident that killed 5 paralyzed 1 and the 6 is having their skin scrubbed off with steel wool in he burn ward for the next year. YAY! This has made me a better person! Again, not really, right?

I just don't understand why it happened to me

There is no why.

Why did something bad happen? Why not something worse? Why not something better? Why did I live and they died?

It’s pretty natural to ask “why”, we’re programmed to look for cause and effect, but a lot of the time there is no cause and effect. Trying to find one? Can drive you pretty insane. Or create links that aren’t real (I was raped because I wore a pretty dress: my house burned down because i’m a bad person).

In cause & effect? Understanding why is useful. When there is no cause/effect? You’re not going to find closure with the answer, because there is no answer.

My .o2

 

[EveHarrington]

Moving on...?

This is the end result of hundreds/thousands of baby steps taken in your healing journey.

Not understanding how to get to the end result of “moving on”....?

This is perfectly normal.

Healing requires faith that we are moving in the right direction, even if we have no idea exactly where we will end up.

I agree with the others.

There is no “why”.... I mean I just figure that I was abused because bad people do bad things. I wasn’t abused so that I could grow as a human, or experience some profound spiritual awakening. Of course I grow in the process of healing, but this is merely a biproduct of the journey, not something I’m striving for. It just happens.

 

[Pauline]

Thank you