Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

I would still do it if I had a vehicle that was safe enough for that kind of spotting! It’s hard to know which direction they’re going. They’re just too big D:

That and I live in the woods, it makes them harder to see until the trees fly away ?

 

[littleoc]

What the....

It’s from my twin brother??

 

[littleoc]

There’s another one....

Why do I have the feeling that his wife is sending me trash under his name..?

 

[Freida]

wow. That is disturbing. Really disturbing

 

[somerandomguy]

What the hell??

 

[littleoc]

Not sure. My twin is a teddy bear who’s afraid of making people upset, so even though it says it’s from him, I’m sure it isn’t. I’m not really sure how to react. Seems strange.

Could be my dad trying to get me to distrust my brothers again. Wouldn’t be the first time. But my twin’s wife strikes me as similarly dangerous? But in a less psycho-y way?

I threw both boxes away and will have them for a week. If I get another one, I’ll ask the police to DNA test the fork to at least see what house it’s coming from

 

[littleoc]

I like leaving things on good notes. But something really disturbing happened, so let me get that out of the way really quick.

I had my first bad intrusive thought in a while, which is troubling enough, except I was driving and I got really disturbed. I saw myself driving off the road, like lazily not curving with it, and my mom screamed my name and then died. I got really upset and I’m not sure why my brain did that. I feel that typing that out has given me bad luck. Yikes. That is the OCD, suddenly back WAY more than usual for the first time in a year? Two years? Hard to say?

Leaving this message positive though, by saying I cleaned my office space a bit to make putting in a radiator safe. It’s acyually pretty cozy. It is now a bird room, as my bird’s big daytime cage is now in there so we can hang out.

 

[littleoc]

Another thing: it got kind of cloudy and I checked like five radars. Safe to say that was the PTSD brain looking for reassurance. That makes me upset because I am the chill one in this family. I don’t check radars for clouds. I love clouds.

Good thing: my dog told me she had to pee when I brought her to a different house. So I guess it’s just here that she’s not telling me when she needs to go outside. Which is neat. But she told me, and I compiled ASAP to get her to know she was asking correctly.

Also also we watched Incredibles II. Good stuff :D

 

[Freida]

That is the OCD, suddenly back WAY more than usual for the first time in a year? Two years? Hard to say?

soooooo... maybe go back and read the last few entries in your diary? They are about garbage. Lots of garbage. From needing an organizer for the stuff in the house to the boxes of trash you got in the mail. I would be surprised if your ocd brain wasn't kicking in a bit - I don't have OCD and I would be halfway there right now! :hug:

 

[littleoc]

Haha, that’s true

 

[littleoc]

I accidentally triggered the f*ck out of myself while trying to help another member on here. She was saying she didn’t get why after she was raped she suddenly found her uglyish abuser to be attractive. I was trying to explain it but decided to look it up to be sure I was actually right and not just saying bs. Bad idea. People teaching to regular people always start out with true scenarios to hook the reader. Horror is s great hook. Rape stories are horror and relevant. Read something I wish I didn’t.

It’s PerfectEmpire’s diary if y’all want to jump in and say a more detailed truth about it. No requirement though. I am not going to talk about it much more today.

 

[ILoveLife]

Some people like to make tales out of their lives. I think that's... sort of fine, we don't really need to participate on every diary I suppose.
I also think the concept of finding our abusers attractive when they're not it's very telling of stockholm but at the same time, it's a protective mechanism right? Am I lucky that all my abusers were attractive and I just shrugg my shoulders? lol I don't know, right?
It's more about how we see ourselves next to them, than about them.