Am I Experiencing Dissociation?

[Unsure101]

Hi,

I am in college and am currently taking a class on anthropology of public health, and it's made me start to question whether I have PTSD. I was severely emotionally bullied from ages 9-18, and now that I'm 20 and have been able to distance myself from the people who were hurting me, I am realizing the major impact the experience had on my life. For example, I am still having regular nightmares about the events - I probably dream about it at least once every week. I also leave almost every social situation feeling like crap, focusing on little things that I feel I should have done differently in order to not seem like a freak. This could be as small as feeling like I left too big of a pause in between conversations, or that my hair was out of place. Not only will these haunt me for weeks, but random things even years later can remind me of what I did "wrong".

But my purpose here is to talk about dissociation. I can't seem to find anything online describing it any better than just an "out-of-body experience", and I was wondering if something I occasionally feel could be classified as such. Every once in a while, I'll have a period of several hours where I almost feel drugged - I might go an entire day feeling sort of trapped in my mind. I can't escape my thoughts and everything going on around me feels like a movie, and if people try to hold any conversation with me that's more than small talk, I get extremely anxious and snap at them until they leave me alone. However, I can sometimes "snap out" of the feeling by forcing myself to be around friends (which is hit-or-miss because it can also make me feel considerably worse) or by watching fun YouTube videos. I think YouTube helps because if I watch unscripted videos, it kind of feels like an intermediary between the "screen world" I'm feeling around me (where it feels as if everyone is an actor) and the "real world" that I'm normally a part of (where, like the videos, social interactions occur without planning).

I know that PTSD can't be diagnosed without a psychiatrist. I'm just here to be able to anonymously receive some opinions on my suspicions before talking to someone in person.

Thank you so much for reading this long post!

Taylor

 

[Abstract]

Hi Taylor and welcome. Totally understand talking through your thoughts first.

From what I can see there are three issues here. One is whether what you experience is dissociation (in answer it sounds likely but of course be aware other physical things can do that.) .
Dissociation Explained
The second is the bullying and if it has affected you (it definitely sounds like it has done so and you deserve to get help for it).
The third is if you have PTSD related to it (PTSD exclusion/inclusion point is to do with the type of trauma experienced and then after than a combination of symptoms are what decides it. One has to do all those for it to be a match. If bullying included physical violence or repeated serious verbal threats of death or significant harm/violation (where you believed it would happen) it could match. If it doesn't then the psychic injury tends to be more in line of chronic anxiety, self esteem, relationship issues, personality issue sometimes, self care and self management issues, addiction et. To see the rest of the symptoms you can look here if you like: Ptsd diagnosis

 

[EveHarrington]

Dissociation is faaaaaar more than just an out of body experience. Dissociation is a spectrum from daydreaming, the occasional zoning out, etc all the way up to having multiple personalities. Everyone dissociates on some level.

However, it sounds like you do struggle with dissociation. You also know wats to ground yourself and bring yourself out of dissociation. I suggest reading up on grounding skills and seeking out a therapist who is experienced with trauma and dissociation. :hug:

 

[Unsure101]

Thank you SO much, Eve and Abstract! I've been so stressed about all this lately and your replies have really helped me to feel grounded again. ?

 

[Friday]

Hell yeah! Anthropology! Okay back on target..

99% of bullying won’t meet CritA (life threatening, death, or sexual assault), it’s extremely rare that childhood bullying progresses that direction, although it does happen... so while it’s unlikely that you have PTSD, it’s a) possible depending on your history & b) not exactly relevant, because every single symptom of PTSD is found in other disorders. So if you’re having issues with things from your past disturbing, or impacting your life in ways you don’t want them to? Finding a good therapist can help with that. And university counseling centers all but specialize in past/childhood bullying and rape. As that makes up most of what brings students to them.

So I would really suggest you hit up the psych services at your school.

Similarly, if you need a psych credit? Psych204, 406 (or similar - whatever number “Psychology through the Lifespan” or “Developmental Psych for Healthcare Degrees” has this year, they tend to bounce it back and forth between 200 & 400 for IDFK why, politics probably) required for all healthcare degrees is an advanced level course that also assumes it may well be the only psych class any of its students take. It gives a really phenomenal overview of “normal” (no such thing) and the different effects XYZ has on different people, at different stages of their lives. It’s an incrediably grounding class, and is a big part of why healthcare professionals can get on with so many different types of people without seeing another version of normal as “wrong” even though it’s not how they themselves were raised. DevPsych professors also tend to be cool as hell, so if you can try and take the course FROM a developmental psychologist (instead of a physiological psychologist -hard science and neurology based- or any other specialty. Even the biopsych majors try and get a DevPsych professor for this class. They’re fun people, almost as a rule.).

 

[Unsure101]

Hell yeah! Anthropology! Okay back on target..

99% of bullying won’t meet CritA (life threatening, death, or sexual assault), it’s extremely rare that childhood bullying progresses that direction, although it does happen... so while it’s unlikely that you have PTSD, it’s a) possible depending on your history & b) not exactly relevant, because every single symptom of PTSD is found in other disorders. So if you’re having issues with things from your past disturbing, or impacting your life in ways you don’t want them to? Finding a good therapist can help with that. And university counseling centers all but specialize in past/childhood bullying and rape. As that makes up most of what brings students to them.

So I would really suggest you hit up the psych services at your school.

Similarly, if you need a psych credit? Psych204, 406 (or similar - whatever number “Psychology through the Lifespan” or “Developmental Psych for Healthcare Degrees” has this year, they tend to bounce it back and forth between 200 & 400 for IDFK why, politics probably) required for all healthcare degrees is an advanced level course that also assumes it may well be the only psych class any of its students take. It gives a really phenomenal overview of “normal” (no such thing) and the different effects XYZ has on different people, at different stages of their lives. It’s an incrediably grounding class, and is a big part of why healthcare professionals can get on with so many different types of people without seeing another version of normal as “wrong” even though it’s not how they themselves were raised. DevPsych professors also tend to be cool as hell, so if you can try and take the course FROM a developmental psychologist (instead of a physiological psychologist -hard science and neurology based- or any other specialty. Even the biopsych majors try and get a DevPsych professor for this class. They’re fun people, almost as a rule.).

Thank you, Friday! Are you in Anthropology? That's my major!

Thanks for your message! I've definitely noticed what you said about university specialization - the only examples our counseling gives about topics to discuss are about romantic relationships and stress from school. ... Anyway, we do have a fantastic psych program here so I'll definitely check that out. That certainly was a suggestion I wasn't expecting, so I'm really glad I went on this forum because I wouldn't have considered it otherwise. :)

 

[WillyKat]

@Unsure101 : Agree with @Friday that many symptoms of PTSD can be found in other conditions, and vice versa. Whether you have PTSD or something else doesn't matter that much, so make a note to yourself to tuck away somewhere: a diagnosis is primarily useful for filling out insurance forms and the like. A good shrink will treat the individual, not the diagnosis.

But yes I think the things you're experiencing fit the description of dissociation. As others have pointed out, there's a whole spectrum of disorders where dissociation is present. And yes, anyone can do it because it is a normal thing for humans and a great many other species to do.

Whether bullying at school qualifies as a traumatic experience depends upon if it was traumatic. If during the bullying you ever felt that life or limb was at risk, that could qualify. Were you restrained? Trapped where you couldn't leave. Shoved? Besides, if it occurred for such a long period of time, particularly if it escalated or if there were threats, then its a different ballgame. By "felt" I don't necessarily mean that your logical brain thought so. It really depends whether the fear centers in your brain thought so and you had a fight, flight, or freeze (dissociation) response.

While I'm on that point, dissociation is easier (for me) to understand if you think of it as a normal response to an abnormal situation. If that most animal-like, self-preservation part of your brain takes over because of a threat, it has three options to keep the organism alive: fight (if the danger can be fought with a reasonable chance of eliminating the threat), flight (run away if fighting isn't a good option), freeze (go limp, go quiet, especially since neither fight nor flight seem viable).

Here's the weird part. Dissociation can recur even when there is no threat but something reminds you of that time when you were threatened. Messed up isn't it?

Academics have made careers out of this subject, so don't stress about it too much. I'd concentrate on finding a good psychologist and begin working on your own thing. If it's PTSD or something else doesn't matter.

 

[talon]

Hi,

I am in college and am currently taking a class on anthropology of public health, and it's made me start to question whether I have PTSD. I was severely emotionally bullied from ages 9-18, and now that I'm 20 and have been able to distance myself from the people who were hurting me, I am realizing the major impact the experience had on my life. For example, I am still having regular nightmares about the events - I probably dream about it at least once every week. I also leave almost every social situation feeling like crap, focusing on little things that I feel I should have done differently in order to not seem like a freak. This could be as small as feeling like I left too big of a pause in between conversations, or that my hair was out of place. Not only will these haunt me for weeks, but random things even years later can remind me of what I did "wrong".

But my purpose here is to talk about dissociation. I can't seem to find anything online describing it any better than just an "out-of-body experience", and I was wondering if something I occasionally feel could be classified as such. Every once in a while, I'll have a period of several hours where I almost feel drugged - I might go an entire day feeling sort of trapped in my mind. I can't escape my thoughts and everything going on around me feels like a movie, and if people try to hold any conversation with me that's more than small talk, I get extremely anxious and snap at them until they leave me alone. However, I can sometimes "snap out" of the feeling by forcing myself to be around friends (which is hit-or-miss because it can also make me feel considerably worse) or by watching fun YouTube videos. I think YouTube helps because if I watch unscripted videos, it kind of feels like an intermediary between the "screen world" I'm feeling around me (where it feels as if everyone is an actor) and the "real world" that I'm normally a part of (where, like the videos, social interactions occur without planning).

I know that PTSD can't be diagnosed without a psychiatrist. I'm just here to be able to anonymously receive some opinions on my suspicions before talking to someone in person.

Thank you so much for reading this long post!

Taylor

We all dissociate we may drive a familiar route but not remember much about the journey . However if you feel you have DID then you need to speak with your DR about this. It is very important as when you have DID AMNESIA IS PRESENT and you may not be aware of where you have been or what you have done . Don't wait to discover when you encounter an episode which may cause damage check it out now