need supporter perspective

[wishball]

I've had PTSD for 10 years now, we did end up getting married and I have packed up and left several times. Usually I do this because I'm on sensory overload that I just have to get out and get a break. I find that when I speak to him he gets defensive and blames and then I'm like...I can't take this, I need to get out. He says that he needs me to understand the pain that I put him through. He says that I'm so wrapped up in my hurt that I can't see the pain I put him through. Could a supporter please share their perspective with me. As it may help having a supporters perspective that isn't my spouse.

 

[grimalkin]

What sort of perspective? We have quite a few, about a lot of things. :)

 

[Sweetpea76]

Why do you need another supporter's perspective when he tells you he is in pain? He is hurting and he told you so. When you leave it hurts him.

To you, packing up and leaving is a response to sensory overload. To him it's having his heart ripped out. Not once, but over and over again. Of course he is going to be angry, hurt and defensive.

 

[Friday]

So you would be perfectly fine if he packed up his stuff and left you?

 

[LuckiLee]

Do you ask for space? Does he know why you need to isolate? Do you? There's a few different threads discussing isolation here. Have you seen any of them? Most committed couples can talk about these things on a good day. When my guy is overloaded with symptoms, I give him the space he needs. Your guy's feelings are valid and should be addressed as yours are. Fair is fair. Good luck!

 

[Justmehere]

I’m a sufferer, so I write from that perspective. I know you are hurting and coping the best you know how. If someone packed up and left, over and over, my heart would fall apart. I’d put up walls and be in pain too. It also seems like there are problems before you leave, and before he gets hurt about you leaving. Is that right?

I find that when I speak to him he gets defensive and blames and then I'm like...I can't take this, I need to get out. He says that he needs me to understand the pain that I put him through.

Can you explain more about this pattern?

Are you in treatment? Have you considered couples counseling? Instead of getting into the same pattern over and over, counseling could help to find new ways to manage times of high symptoms. Sounds like you both could use some support in figuring out how to communicate with each other.