Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

My life. Holding up :)

That's a good point though. I feel like I knew Brandi better than I knew myself, because that was the requirement... But, she showed all kinds of signs of trying to be controlling. She'd say stuff like, "Well, now I feel bad," like she wanted me to say, constantly, that she was normal and not overreacting. It was... weird. Confusing.

 

[littleoc]

My life.

As in, "Same." Lol. Always posting too soon and quickly editing in stuff. I didn't know I could just say that though, lol

 

[bellbird]

Ok my phone AND computer were being a butt and not letting me insert quotes to my edited post.
NEW POST.

The triangle!!!! ?

THE BEAN ?

I love those memes so much. Have you seen the cockatiel one?

I have seen none of these!! Apparently I live under a rock.

Maybe if you set up an anonymous post box in the post office, then I give my fake email so you could tell me the box #, then the cookies would get to you without getting confiscated????? Lol

:D the downfalls of online anonymous friendships.

I wish my undergrad had post-grad work! It doesn’t for scientists for some reason.

Aw damn!

"Well, now I feel bad," like she wanted me to say, constantly, that she was normal and not overreacting. It was... weird. Confusing.

Yeah, it really messes with your head huh?

As in, "Same." Lol. Always posting too soon and quickly editing in stuff. I didn't know I could just say that though, lol

:d

 

[littleoc]

Lol, whatever works!

Yeah, it really messes with your head huh?

It does. I know she can't be 100% evil because no one is... and then I remember my dad and think better of that statement... :/

:D the downfalls of online anonymous friendships.

Hahaha, yeah......

Hang on! Let me find you a meme.... I'll find one of the stupidest ones so you can wonder why anyone would bother showing you when you were already blessed with not seeing it.... :)

 

[littleoc]

Okay, got some. These don't reflect my worth as a human I hope. lol

• https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/858/658/59c.jpg
• https://i.redd.it/3o9023ianrr11.jpg
• https://cdn.dopl3r.com/memes_files/...hing-you-learned-from-school-im-sor-oip2S.jpg

And the super bad one (not like "inappropriate," just the cringiest thing you've ever seen):

• https://pics.me.me/mitochondria-power-house-the-reel-12124565.png

 

[littleoc]

I just realized that it's kind of messed up that no one took me to the emergency room for seriously dangerous things.

Examples:

1. Getting bitten through the hand by a feral cat. Aged 8. Or so.
   • My parents argued about whether or not I should have to knock to come in the house instead of offering me medical attention.
   • My mother even claimed I may have been "milking it" when I said that I couldn't use the hand, which was horribly swollen.
     • I remained unable to use the hand for at least a month.
2. Having a severe allergic reaction to poison ivy. Aged 8 or 9.
   • Face was so swollen that I could not lay down for bedtime.
   • When my eye got swollen shut, I hid it from my parents as long as I could for fear of getting in trouble.
     • I had been told not to rub my eyes despite my face being COVERED with allergic reaction.
     • I actually didn't rub it into my eyes. I just assumed they would say I did and I would get in trouble.
   • Kids at school were afraid of me when I returned to school because I looked terrible. Some teacher tried to convince my mom to keep me at home. My mom, smarter than this teacher, talked her into letting me stay.
     • I'm lucky it didn't scar.
   • I couldn't breathe properly. For weeks. It would have taken one steroid shot to help me clear this up, but no.
3. That time I became paralyzed and couldn't move or even blink or breathe with my conscious mind. Aged 16 or something.
   • Got accused BY MY MOM of being on drugs, so my mom didn't take me to the hospital because.... reasons?
     • Why didn't the principal call a f*cking ambulance?

 

[littleoc]

Even other teenagers knew better what they should do in that scenario. And they were confused as shit.

Anyway. I found some listings from Vanderbilt University, looking for researchers. So that's cool!! May not immediately get the jobs, but it's certainly worth a shot!!

 

[bellbird]

Okay, got some. These don't reflect my worth as a human I hope. lol

• https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/858/658/59c.jpg
• https://i.redd.it/3o9023ianrr11.jpg
• https://cdn.dopl3r.com/memes_files/...hing-you-learned-from-school-im-sor-oip2S.jpg

And the super bad one (not like "inappropriate," just the cringiest thing you've ever seen):

• https://pics.me.me/mitochondria-power-house-the-reel-12124565.png

Omg I loved them!
My delayed response wasn't reflective of your worth as a hooman (unless there's an inverse proportional relationship cus you're worth a lot btw), we just had a potential flatmate come to look at the flat! But I'll talk about that in my diary :), just giving some background.

but it's certainly worth a shot!!

Definitely!!!

 

[littleoc]

My delayed response wasn't reflective of your worth as a hooman

lol, You're fine! I didn't assume that! I just assumed you went offline, because you happen to not live here :P

:)

 

[bellbird]

because you happen to not live here

?
Lol

 

[Freida]

just catching up...... You've been busy! :laugh:

They've lost any right to compassion. From any of us. We may understand what drove them to do it, or maybe there was no real reason. Regardless, all of our abusers made choices that should disqualify them from society. Because they WERE choices - immoral and inhuman choices.

but does it count as a choice if she was a child who was also being abused?

My mom grew up in an abusive household.

Ok - I'm projecting a bit... but my T brought up that my monster was awfully young to have such a well thought out plan and she wondered if he had been taught these ...skills... through abuse.

guess what? I DONT f*ckING CARE.
He made the choice in his own life to abuse others.
PERIOD. No discussion.

And before you say "Brandi and my mom and dad were different" look around this forum. At the people you are talking to every single day. People who were horrifically abused as children. At some point in their lives they had a choice to make. Do they go forward and abuse others? Or do they do everything they can to stop the cycle right now?

Look at them - look at yourself- and then tell me how poor Brandi couldn't choose another way. She chose to take the easy way out. She chose to blame her actions on her past. Because it was easier to hurt you than to try to do something to change her path. Unlike all the people here who are busting their butts to live different lives than they know.
Just like you are... :hug:

 

[TTC18]

My mom’s car developed an oil leak. She panicked because she didn’t want to go back to my dad. So she just.. ignored it. For forever. Until finally my brother-in-law was like “um, your ex husband shoved in the wrong size oil filter. Probably to force you to need more car help.”

I mean.... no offense intended whatsoever but how does a situation like this even happen?

I do stuff like this. I literally took my car to a mechanic who broke a bunch of stuff and kept charging me to fix it - and was so overwhelmed by the stress of having to take the car to another mechanic who would think I was stupid for listening to the other guy that I didn't take it anywhere even for an oil change for 3 years. For me, it's fear and overwhelm and freak-out because you know someone's doing something wrong but can't handle the idea of coping with it.

I just realized that it's kind of messed up that no one took me to the emergency room for seriously dangerous things.

Very messed up. :hug:

People who were horrifically abused as children. At some point in their lives they had a choice to make. Do they go forward and abuse others? Or do they do everything they can to stop the cycle right now?

Being on this forum is a huge eye-opener in that regard. Shows there IS another path, and there are a lot of other people working hard to do good things. And - @Freida - that was a lame thing for your T to say. Who cares if he's young? Even if he was 20, if he started torturing bugs when he was 3 or whatever, he'd have plenty of time to hone his skills before joining the service - whether he was abused or not. My guess is that he was a sociopath/psychopath who had maybe almost gotten caught and figured that the military was the best place to get his kicks and get away with it.