Christmas

[Mach123]

I'm finished. Now I can just pick up some more nonsense in the stores if I think of it. I just went on Amazon and got something for everyone it took about half an hour. I had to correct it all once because I ordered something with a delivery date after Xmas by mistake. It's so easy I try to tell myself not to go looking for things in stores. It's such a waste of time. I pay for Amazon prime and I can order something fo 2 bucks and it comes in 2 days free delivery. You can even order Whole Foods now. I'm going to try that . And my Bjs shopping if I could pull myself together enough I can order all them on perishable things in advance and they'll have it waiting for me at the store. I'm going to do that. I just downloaded an app also for lists? I've been trying for years to stop writing things on sticky notes which is abysmal. I have a smart phone which is probably one of the most sophisticated hand held devices ever and I'm using sticky notes. It's the input. The input like voice recognition is not totally there yet. Siri and google voice are both a total screw up. Total aggravation to try and use while driving it just doesn't work. Ideally I wanna be able to just say "hey Siri add this and such to the grocery list and pick up the dry cleaning (I don't dry clean anything but u know what I mean) and don't forget to blah blah blah.). Then it's like all organised and I can't avoid it. That's what I need. If you have to stop and open an app and try typing or trying to type on the phone which is only pretty good I'm doing it now, I just won't do it. It's not there yet. I just got Google Tasks, I'll try it the next few days I hope I like it. "Christmas time is here, happiness and cheer." : )

 

[Mach123]

I'm having survivor guilt and happy at Christmas guilt and why am I not upset and miserable and it's because I've worked really hard for it. It's really stupid and I couldn't figure out what was bothering me and it's that I'm not upset and unhappy. I was always depressed. When I wasn't depressed I was suicidal depressed. I hate writing that I feel good because it makes me afraid. I do though. Don't tell anyone.

 

[blackemerald1]

I gave my gp a fruit cake and my T some blue-berry muffins. Both are working all the way through Christmas.. I get how that feels - I've worked most Christmas's and public holidays.

I have posted off cards and a couple of little gifts and have only one more lot of wrapping to do. I hate wrapping!!

Tomorrow I'm going to get all of the non-perishable food...and the grog :giggle:

I've had my windows repaired.. so am going to get the materials to sand and paint all of them ...ugh...

I've cleaned out some accumulated clutter and given a big box of clothes to charity.

I do get a bit of motivation from expecting visitors for Christmas.

 

[Mumo]

there he was on the porch with his youngest son. His wife was pulling into my driveway.

Took me most of the day to recover

Oh my....
Yes, I totally understand this. I'm not good with this sort of thing either. It's not that I wouldn't want to see my friends or family, but I have to, sort of, prepare myself. Also, I understand the shock aspect, I get sort of quiet, introverted. At the grocery store the other day I saw a really good friend that I haven't seen in a while and was sort of feeling this way...shocked, shy...and she asked me how I was and I said fine, I always say fine, but she said you don't seem fine. I sort of need time to prepare myself for people. They can expect a lot sometimes, so I feel I have to be really upbeat, therefore I need the time to prepare myself, otherwise I'm like a deer in the headlights.
?I'm enjoying your Christmas postings :)

 

[Changing4Best]

This is a Christmas Cactus. I think it is so beautiful! I love Christmas too. To me, this is one of the many wonders of the season.

 

[Mach123]

Paid my bills I'm even at zero. I'm a few hundred behind. I just got my credit cards back. If I paid off everything some of which would be early I'd have zero . I need a few bucks to live on. I spent about that much extra on Christmas. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't have the cards. I never had problems paying off my cards. We will see how I do.

 

[Mach123]

Trees been up a week I guess lights only and the natives are getting restless. We have to do a "tree trimming thing" with egg nog and cookies. My wife and I do it mostly. My daughters don't like each other that much. One insists on doiuit so the other wants not to be involved. They are severely autistic adults I probably said that. My 21 year old was drinking last night. Time to get up.

 

[Mach123]

They genetically modified the trees to be bushy and now they are ruined BTW. They did such a great job every tree is perfect and there are no gaps or good or bad sides. The problem is there is no interior or spaces where you can see through to the trunk and so hang ornaments. The trees used to have gaps in the branches going up the trunks like growth rings. Now you can only hang ornaments on the tips of the branches which we always avoided. Purrrrrrrrfect.

 

[Neverthesame]

I only did a real tree once. Before and after was always synthetic.
The real tree was nice, but the family dog took to sneaking downstairs every night and leaving a brown stinky present for us to find each morning. LOL!

 

[Mach123]

I have to wrap presents. I have to help my wife wrap. IDK why girls can wrap I can't. I wish girl me could wrap lol. My wife was cooking last night and saying how much she hates it. I know she does and she's terrible at it. I love her though and we just had to live with it. I can cook but very basic stuff, meat and potatoes. After the first of the year I'll break the crock pot out again.

I know my wife is making a roast and a chicken casserole IDK what else. She doesn't have to and we are way two busy but I know she wants to. It's going to be nice.

I project a lot with my wife and I'm trying to be aware and not project my feelings on her and act according to how "I think she feels." IDK. My i laws could show up. Everyone always hated me because I insisted on decent behaviour my wife insisted on it with us but her family, especially the brother who is around here is boorish and that's being kind. They really were the worst. Auntie who is supposed to be my wife's best friend is worse. I have one sister left (if she's alive still) and I have nothing to do with her.

So this is what life's like it's always been like this I don't care anymore really I just try and let my wife do whatever and I don't complain anymore. I was really yelling about my own trauma and abuse anyway and never liked being around people but if she wants them around that's fine. I'm sure I'm the worst anyway my wife just somehow surrounded herself with people like us or she was born into it or whatever and she just pretends not to notice.

I thought we'd be more settled by now. I'm not unhappy with how it's going it's just going to take a year. Maybe more. I made two trips to the storage locker today and the trailer in the yard which we bought instead of a shed is getting full.

The moons full, it's dark and rainy but warm and people's driving is nutty! Everyone trying to get ready at the last minute!

 

[Mach123]

We always get an amaryllis, this one was really fun because it bloomed twice the first four flowers opened and dropped off.

 

[blackemerald1]

IDK why girls can wrap I can't. I wish girl me could wrap lol.

^^Only some girls can wrap!

saying how much she hates it. I know she does and she's terrible at it. I love her though and we just had to live with it.

^^That's hilarious... you could have lessons lol..

We always get an amaryllis,

^^What an amazing flower and a great pic too!