OBGYN after effects :(

[Smile]

I know this is probably a stupid question to ask on here of all places but I guess I’m just looking for validation or something in that area ??‍. So here goes...

Does anyone else have problems with going to the obgyn? I had to go... pushes it off for far too long. Had an appointment last week which I bailed on. Forced myself (with the aid of a couple Xanax & trying to dissociate ?) to go today and it didn’t go well.

I thought that because it’s all in my head, it’ll definitely go well. Nothing “bad” happened but first off the doc (who I’ve never been to before) spoke in a booming voice (not the greatest for my sound sensitivity). That was the least of it.

I have had ovarian cysts for FOREVER (side note: any of you ever heard of a correlation between ovarian cysts and child molestation?) and I’ve been to tons of docs for it, have had unnecessary surgery, and a ton more ultrasounds. This has been a part of the majority of my life so I pretty much know it inside and out.

But every time I mentioned something about it, no matter how trivial, like “so when I had my last cyst attack...” the doc constantly interrupted with “that’s IF you have an ovarian cyst”. And yes, I explained to him that I’ve had it since 14 years old and have been to lots of doctors, seen it on all the ultrasounds etc, but he didn’t stop.

I also had a list of questions I wanted to ask him but I could tell how impatient he was to get this over with. FYI, I was his last patient and it was only early afternoon so it’s not like I was holding up his schedule. Every question I asked, his response was, “again, I can’t answer that until after you’ve had an ultrasound “. Which makes sense but he was so condescending about it.

Finally, after making it through maybe a quarter of my questions (which was about 5 or 5), he interrupted me, AGAIN, and told me to go to the examining room and that I can finish my questions there. At that point he asked me if I’ve ever had issues with Pap smears or anything like that in the past and that’s when I said no but I was molested as a child so if he could please bare that in mind. Immediately I could see his face change... get a little softer and he said sure.

Exam went “fine”. I mean my head was screaming internally but outwardly I was good and so was he. As soon as it was over I tried finishing up my questions but his attitude returned and I just said f#%k it. It wasn’t worth the energy, not that I had much energy left.

I know that I’m wayyyy more sensitive with obgyn’s than other doctors so I can cut him some slack for that but left feeling like a weak, stupid and bothersome idiot/patient.

I ask you, do you think he was right? Is it just me being in too sensitive a state of mind and therefore blowing things out of proportion or was he wrong as well? Please answer honestly, otherwise it’s not very helpful :).

Also, I’d really appreciate it if any of who’ve had similar situations, to share.

ALSO, does anyone know of a way to find an obgyn that’s sensitive to this kind of thing? Maybe even patient? Or is patience asking for too much in a doctor?

I hope you’re all having a better day than me and happy new year...

Thanks ?

 

[Abstract]

Can't speak about my personal experiences at the moment but will say reactions like you had are... normal? in context of this type of past. And yes, there are always wonderful patient dr's, medical professionals and consultants around. And will add that I think a fair amount of consultants can be a bit like this. I think its not usually that they mean any harm. They are probably people of science rather than of people. And it is all old hat to them with pressures and stress involved and that can make people lose sight of the humanity of the situation. But you have a right to be heard and have your questions answered. There are good reasons to first have results of tests before certain things can happen but a lot of info can come from you, the patient, regardless. And you deserve to feel heard regardless. Well done for going. That is a big deal. Many many dealing with similar stuff dont. Big pat on the back.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m confused. Which part are you asking about in terms of if he was right?

 

[Smile]

Can't speak about my personal experiences at the moment but will say reactions like that are... normal? in context of this type of past. And yes, there are always wonderful patient dr's, medical professionals and consultants around. And will add that I think a fair amount of consultants can be a bit like this. I think its not usually that they mean any harm. They are probably people of science rather than of people. And it is all old hat to them with pressures and stress involved and that can make people lose sight of the humanity of the situation. But you have a right to be heard and have your questions answered. There are good reasons to first have results of tests before certain things can happen but a lot of info can come from you, the patient, regardless. And you deserve to feel heard regardless. Well done for going. That is a big deal. Many many dealing with similar stuff dont. Big pat on the back.

Thanks :)

I’m confused. Which part are you asking about in terms of if he was right?

From hearing the whole story, I’m asking if anything struck you as wrong/insensitive or whether it was all just me being hypersensitive.

Does that make sense?

I’ve already decided that I’m not going back to him because for the past 3 hours I’m dealing with a major panic attack... and it hasn’t let up yet. Can’t go through this again.

 

[Abstract]

Smile, I think lots of people regardless of if they are caming at things from a traumatised position or not find it upsetting or annoying when dr's don't listen, are abrupt etc. I suspect when we do have related trauma involved then there will be a different dimension to our internal reactions. That doesnt mean we are wrong and they are right though. It just is. And we deserve self compassion for how we feel. And a dr who we find helpful. You have every right to find a more understanding dr.

PS, how long were you in with him all and all? Just to have all info.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @Smile - agree with @Abstract - Well done for going and getting that done. Even if you don't go back - the results of your tests can be transferred to a new doctor?

Is it just me being in too sensitive a state of mind and therefore blowing things out of proportion or was he wrong as well?

I think your situation, past trauma, medical history and obvious need to have questions answered (naturally) can clash with some doctors ideas of how the patient/doctor dynamic should work.

I don't think he was horrible - just has a bit to learn about bedside manner and there are a huge amount of doctors out there who need some serious revision in that regard. They are not given a lot education in patient doctor relationships btw.

But also, he didn't do anything wrong - apart from not actually listening without interrupting.

Also, he may not be used to a patient knowing a lot about their own medical history and condition. Some doctors do like to 'be in charge' regardless of what they don't know.

I do think it's fair of him to ask you to not speculate too much about things a scan can resolve. So I hope you are proceeding with that.

Do you think he may be better and more amenable to a discussion once he has that scan in front of him and he doesn't have to do the physical exam again?

I am sure he cared and wanted to answer your questions but he probably didn't want to speculate or guess. He may be worth returning just to see him and give him to opportunity of listening and answering your questions properly once he has test results in hand.

find an obgyn that’s sensitive to this kind of thing? Maybe even patient? Or is patience asking for too much in a doctor?

If you have a good relationship with your gp and they understand your trauma and medical history they should be able to find you a doctor who is especially sensitive. Don't want to sound sexist here.. but try a female doctor? But being female doesn't guarantee patience!!

Community Health Centres and hospital health centres often also have female doctors, or nurses who have specialised in female health with trauma victims. Idk if you have any of those in your area. Check it out.

I don't think asking or expecting a doctor to be patient is too much but at the same time, everything must be done in a professional and expedient manner - physical examinations particularly bc nobody wants them to be dragged out.

Expedience doesn't mean ignoring your mental health particularly if it is tied to the type of medical process you are undergoing.

I think once you find a doctor who is competent and sensitive stick with him or her bc this problem will keep resurfacing each time you need a check-up or your health needs their experience.

As for having a panic attack afterwards... I don't think, from what you have described that this doctor specifically caused that to come on... though I know you were not entirely happy with his attitude. I think it is the procedure and it's always going to be difficult to come away from that without some after-effects.

Plan to do something nice at home for yourself after these types of visits. And again, well done for going and getting it done. :hug:

 

[Abstract]

e already decided that I’m not going back to him because for the past 3 hours I’m dealing with a major panic attac

So sorry to hear that. Hope you feel more grounded soon.
How much of this could be about it being this type of examination and consultation? Have a think on that. Not saying you should go back to him as you obviously need someone different. Do you think the dynamic of someone not listening to your needs in context of it being the type of examination it was could have been part of what has affected you?

 

[ILoveLife]

I agree that it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but maybe next time take some of those ultrasounds with you so you don't need to explain yourself over and over.

I've had a myriad of shitty doctors until I found my current one that is great. Sometimes we just gotta look for it.

 

[Smile]

Smile, I think lots of people regardless of if they are caming at things from a traumatised position or not find it upsetting or annoying when dr's don't listen, are abrupt etc. I suspect when we do have related trauma involved then there will be a different dimension to our internal reactions. That doesnt mean we are wrong and they are right though. It just is. And we deserve self compassion for how we feel. And a dr who we find helpful. You have every right to find a more understanding dr.

PS, how long were you in with him all and all? Just to have all info.

About 10-15 minutes for the talking part and 5 for the exam and “rest of questions” which didn’t happen ?

Even if you don't go back - the results of your tests can be transferred to a new doctor?

Thanks . I was wondering that myself. Will have to ask. Thanks for the reminder

So sorry to hear that. Hope you feel more grounded soon.
How much of this could be about it being this type of examination and consultation? Have a think on that. Not saying you should go back to him as you obviously need someone different. Do you think the dynamic of someone not listening to your needs in context of it being the type of examination it was could have been part of what has affected you?

I agree. I know it’s my head that’s screwed up, not his.

I suppose I really just wanted confirmation that other women also have negative reactions when going to this type of doc...

 

[Abstract]

I suppose I really just wanted confirmation that other women also have negative reactions when going to this type of doc...

A lot of people on here haven't even been able to go for years. For myself, even with past risk factors, around 8. You did very well.

 

[blackemerald1]

suppose I really just wanted confirmation that other women also have negative reactions when going to this type of doc.

Oh hell yeah!! I try to ignore the reminder letters, delay making the appt., and reluctantly get my act together to go.... about three days afterwards I am glad it is done with and wish I never have to go again... and I am pretty old now.

The last time I ignored, delayed etc., I went eight years before attending. I get that feeling. :hug:

 

[Lucycat]

side note: any of you ever heard of a correlation between ovarian cysts and child molestation?

Very curious that you should ask this. I have had multiple cysts - even had them surgically popped once- but then get new ones. I have never for one minute thought there could be any connection with child abuse. Have you heard of a connection yourself?