Hoarding And CPTSD

[Sanctuary]

LUCY Cat your so right !!!!!!
You got it one ! ( are you a clairvoyant?)

However, I have to have a presentable home, when the housing association has to take pictures in every room and in the loft for a
stock survey. I have no choice in this matter and have been putting this off.

My therapist said the same about the mountain of clothes at the end of the bed when I showed him the picture. That's it won't go until I've addressed the trauma. Flipping great ! ( I'm being sarcastic )

EMDR starts February on certain conditions I must follow. I am not allowed to take my painkillers for my spine ( no codeine before or 6 hours after treatment. They said codeine interferes with the way the brain reacts.

No valuim whatsoever to deal with the aftermath of an increase in symptoms.
I must turn up to every session weekly no matter what!
if I do not show an improvement the treatment will be stopped.

No wonder I'm hoarding I'm dreading it. ! Expect to be crazy in the head and in physical pain

Please tell me Lucy cat that the EMDR will be worth it?
Please tell me how it's going for you?

 

[Mumo]

Like parting with youth..

I get that...*sigh*

Yes, ok, no vacuuming...and that's ok. We do what we can do. Baby steps, Kindergarteners take very small steps, do not stress and even day dream along the way.

I am so sorry to hear of all your pain. You have been through so much and need to feel safe. With the pile of clothes at the end of the bed...can you watch videos on YouTube that show how to fold clothes like the department stores? Then fold them, just a few a day and color coordinate them. Like, put the blues together going from dark to light then the reds together dark to light etc. Then the barrier is there, but a little more organized for the inspection?

Also, I am not organized. I am taking taking my own baby steps. :)

 

[Lucycat]

EMDR starts February on certain conditions I must follow. I am not allowed to take my painkillers for my spine ( no codeine before or 6 hours after treatment. They said codeine interferes with the way the brain reacts.

I have never heard this before. I do not understand why taking painkillers would have any affect on EMDR. I do understand that you need to have a 'clear head' and not be under the influence of alcohol or other substances, but to be refused painkillers seems unkind, unreasonable and inappropriate. This has caused you unnecessary anxiety - unless they are suggesting that you are using more codeine than you should? I would question this with your therapist. If they are very strict on the matter at the very least you are entitled to understand why. 'Interferes with the way the brain works' needs clarification to me.

Please tell me Lucy cat that the EMDR will be worth it?

I found the EMDR hard work but well worth the effort. I was exhausted after every session, but after the first few you get to know what to expect, and learn to relax more into the sessions. I was always told that I was in control. If something was too hard to discuss or deal with I had the choice of delaying, stopping or having a discussion about why I was struggling. I never felt pressured into continuing during each session. My T told me that you are not able to have EMDR more often than weekly as you brain needs recovery time. So sometimes I would see him, but not do the EMDR if he thought it was too soon. I had the one therapist that did everything. I know others have a regular T and then a different one for EMDR. I think this would be more challenging unless the 2 speak to each other and exchange notes!

Please tell me how it's going for you?

I started therapy in the beginning of 2010. I saw my T frequently at first and then reduced frequency over a period of 7 years (All on the NHS). He discharged me 2 years ago, but on the understanding I could contact him again if I needed to. I have not needed to, but it was great to have that 'safety net' available - just in case. I have met him socially over the Christmas holiday and learned that he will retire this summer. Even that no longer bothers me. The memories of the trauma are always there - and I guess always will be, but they no longer control my life.


I remember those days, all those years ago when the idea of therapy was frightening and a total unknown. I was scared of having to 'face my demons', but T led me through it, gently. Together we discussed and identified a 'safe place' that I can drum up in my head should I ever need to. Sometimes still I feel overwhelmed and use that skill. I am sure your T will teach you that and much more.

I read in your posts a desire and commitment to wellbeing. You can do this - but it it one baby step at a time.
Take Care
Lucy x

 

[hithere]

Firstly may I say I'm dyslexic so please excuse any spelling or grammar.

I'm here to find answers from fellow survivors.
I was attacked by a serial rapist who broke into the house whilst I was sleeping
I put the man away at the Old Bailey for 9 years.
22 years later and I'm still waking up screaming.

I start treatment again in February which I'm dreading.
I have a hoard of clothing/fabric at the end of my bed to make me feel safe. It's waist height and above.
I also stuff under the bed with old clothing and now shoes.
My brain says if it's stuffed with junk no one can come from the end of the bed to rape you.

Under the bed is safe with junk, no one can hide under there apart from the cat!
I have tried to move the hoard before and just felt so vulnerable and exposed that I made a new stash.
This is not logical.
I have a new housing association who want to do a stock survey and take pictures in every room of the flat.
I feel invaded.
I dreamt I had created a wall of clothes that only I could walk through safely.
I'm 47 single and would like to get married
Any ideas on how to move the wall of safety I have created would be welcome.
Please share your experience.
I want to change ..I have become a hoarder to try to deal with trauma

I really appreciate your post. Right now I don't have a good response, but I will say I quit trauma therapy entirely. I did however hire a therapist who is a professional organizer because there is crap everywhere here and I know for a fact it is trauma related just as you have identified! So, for me I am using this therapist who is actually considered a trauma specialist, but she specializes in disorganization problems and hoarding, to help coach me into living the way I want. So I now refuse to deal with the trauma because it f*cking is not going away no matter how hard I try. And doing trauma therapy activates me in horrible ways. For past month this is what I'm doing-making a plan with this therapist. I have hard time making decisions, because that is my brain wanting to protect me so it gets all fuzzy and weird when I try to sort, and throwout and be tidy. This "coach" and I came up with a plan and for now it's one space at a time. she helps me decide, I do the work, I sit with that small space "opened" up. I am choosing to live my LIFE the way I want. I think it's working. I think my brain is getting on board with it.

 

[Sanctuary]

I get that...*sigh*

With the pile of clothes at the end of the bed...can you watch videos on YouTube that show how to fold clothes like the department stores? Then fold them, just a few a day and color coordinate them. Like, put the blues together going from dark to light then the reds together dark to light etc. Then the barrier is there, but a little more organized for the inspection.

Brilliant Idea Mumo..
Would you start with the hardest thing first?

I loved the book ( Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley. The fly lady )
FLY out of CHOAS ( Cant' have anyone over syndrome ) into order- one baby step at a time.
I will read the book again.

Also found the (DECLUTTER FAIRY ) on u-tube to watch
How to overcome overwhelm.

Fabulous!
Having her to in background whilst tidying really helps to keep you motivated.

Think I need a declutter buddy?
Anyone who has hoarding tendency?

 

[Sanctuary]

Haven' t posted on here as I can't work out to the quote when answering someone.

I'm so stressed at moment.
Tackled the hardest part first last night and moved all the junk from the end of the bed.
2 bags to recycle, 2 bags for clothing recycling, 2 bags of rubbish.
Did it all in one go, took hours.

Why don't I feel any better? Just stress.

 

[Lucycat]

2 bags to recycle, 2 bags for clothing recycling, 2 bags of rubbish.

That is a huge step forwards. Well done. And you did that all by yourself in just a short time? You should be really proud of your achievement.

As to how to quote - there is a 'testing' forum here if you want to practise. But essentially what you do is highlight the words you want to highlight, using your mouse and then click on the "(arrow) reply" button on the bottom right of the post you are quoting. This will enter the quote into the reply box beneath where you can then add further comments.

There is also the "+Quote" button beside the reply button. This is more complicated and enables you to add multiple quotes from different posts and reply in one go. I would leave that for now and try mastering the easier option :)

 

[hithere]

Haven' t posted on here as I can't work out to the quote when answering someone.

I'm so stressed at moment.
Tackled the hardest part first last night and moved all the junk from the end of the bed.
2 bags to recycle, 2 bags for clothing recycling, 2 bags of rubbish.
Did it all in one go, took hours.

Why don't I feel any better? Just stress.

i'm going to guess that you don't feel better for the same reason anyone in withdrawal doesn't feel better. Sometimes change is wonderful, sometimes it takes time and adjustments and "learning" that you will probably be ok. Just a guess though.

 

[Mumo]

Wow @Sanctuary that's huge!

I'm so stressed at moment.
Tackled the hardest part first last night and moved all the junk from the end of the bed.
2 bags to recycle, 2 bags for clothing recycling, 2 bags of rubbish.
Did it all in one go, took hours.

I think why you are stressed is it took you hours! Don't be hard on yourself, that was huge, but stressful. Can you do just increments? I hour a day, so you don't stress? Did you feel the need because of the inspection coming up?
I love the Fly Lady! She talks about the baby steps, but you leapt forward, probably because of the inspection, and I totally get that. That's stressful too! Don't worry, you have a lot on your plate. Breathe, be kind to yourself, and let's get you through this. And remember...this too will end.
I love reading blogs and articles how housewives used to clean their homes in the 1950's. That's what you did! They used to vacuum their toasters! They scrubbed the inside of their fireplaces! They were the ultimate! They would pick a "project" for the day and work on it all day, AFTER they did all the daily chores that Fly Lady talks about...What!?! Yeah...whoa...maybe we we shouldn't go 1950's, but they did have good ideas. Their cleaning habits and strategies are really fun to read about.
I love that you listen to the Fly Lady while you work! Her voice is so calm, encouraging, and reassuring :) So, maybe choose your next project, a nod to the 50's housewife, but set your timer like fly lady, and pace yourself, so you don't overwhelm yourself. :) I know your inspection is soon. How many days? Write down a few projects and assign a day to them.
And no, DO NOT start with the hardest first. I know, a little late, but thats ok, look what you did! Wow! Ok start with the smaller tasks/projects going forward. Just like Fly lady, baby steps and just like the 50's housewives, they made sure all the small stuff was done first. Work small to big. It encourages you to see the completion of something and cross off things on your list. In fact, you could pick a project and then break that up into projects, maybe. You can do this...remember, baby steps, small stuff first. And shine your sink. :) it's an encouragement from fly lady, I know you know what I mean. :)

 

[Mumo]

I've been fighting pneumonia, sorry it took me awhile to respond.

 

[Mach123]

I think it's the same as all the other symptom including addiction (so called) which everything sorta is. Like moving away from pain and towards pleasure. I'm always weaning myself off some bad behaviour. Food clutter drugs sex. Take your pick. : )

 

[Sanctuary]

Thank you for your kind answers really helped.
My mum said " if you don't get a move on they will evict you"
STRESS OVERLOAD

so I'm gonna cheat. !
I only did the end of the bed.
Under the bed is now stuffed with boots in shoe boxes and shoes.
I have a plan.
Shove everything in the loft and lock it! - My brother came up with that idea, he's a diamond!
Then after the inspection, I can do bit by bit.

I'm still putting all the pillows at the end of the bed at night to block it.
Think I need a curtain at the end of the bed
Hung a cross/crucifix at the end of the bed from the ceiling and told myself its an invisible wall of protection.
The cat has now found a new hiding place in the clothing cupboard with the door ajar where she feels safe.

The rest of the house now looks like " hoarders from hell."
Have I just moved my junk to another place? Proberly
I was in so pain physical pain with my back after.

What do you do when your back pain restricts you so much in achieving your goal of a tidy house?
Thank you so much for the support.