I am really detached today...

[SeekingAfrica]

Something triggered me last Friday and it's slowly been getting worse. But the thing that started it is a practical trigger that I can't avoid, but rather need to get through. Today it's the worst it's been in a while. It took me 3 alarms to awake. Then it took me 40min of laying frozen in my bed to will my body into moving. Then I sat at the edge of the bed with my eyes closed for a while more. I couldn't even make breakfast, so I ate some fruit I had left.

It's weird feeling. The tasks I need to do to resolve the trigger make me feel detached. Like I would sit at the computer, open the file I need to work in and I start spacing out and 'falling asleep' - I'm not really falling asleep, but it's like I'm pulling back. And then tasks I've been putting off I pick randomly and I do them effortlessly, but I can't feel like I'm doing them, I get this feeling like when you do things while you have fever. I'm assuming the only way to do things today for work would be in mini-mini tasks(like 10min?)-since the current work relates to that trigger and I have to constantly ground myself. It takes me a lot of reminding myself that I need to work too, it's like I am completely detached from the concept of what date, time or hour it is today. I know things need to get done at certain dates, but I can't feel it. I know certain things would be good to do to improve in the future, but I can't feel any of it, it's like I'm daydreaming my day. It's hard to prioritize, because I feel completely detached from the things I need to do. I think it's connected to knowing that no matter what I do today, this won't be fully resolved until the coming Monday and that feels like a horrible torture.

I'm mid-way through my morning and I can't start, I keep spacing out. I'll break things into smaller parts now and try again. Or go to the bank. I need to go today anyway and maybe the cold air will snap me into perspective a little. There is a lot of underlying anxiety in this, I know. I usually dissociate when I am so anxious my body can't accept it. But I can't take my emergency meds either, because I am already spacing out and sleepy, if I take them I'll need a nap for sure.

 

[The Albatross]

It is an acquired skill that is necessary to continue to move through time post trigger. You say the trigger was last Friday. The trigger is long gone and time has moved on. It is your mind that is magnifying the event and your perceptions about it along with the core beliefs or your feelings that are getting in your way.

Doubtless you have had many thoughts... 10's of thousands post trigger... but this is what you're giving your preference to. When stuck, resorting to management techniques to unstick one's self is the way to prevent log jams. Fact: compulsively overthinking a past event distracts and blocks day to day living.

Resilience, even if it's not spontaneous like unaffected/non PTSD people is a skill set that you need to learn.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

It is an acquired skill that is necessary to continue to move through time post trigger. You say the trigger was last Friday. The trigger is long gone and time has moved on. It is your mind that is magnifying the event and your perceptions about it along with the core beliefs or your feelings that are getting in your way.

Doubtless you have had many thoughts... 10's of thousands post trigger... but this is what you're giving your preference to. When stuck, resorting to management techniques to unstick one's self is the way to prevent log jams. Fact: compulsively overthinking a past event distracts and blocks day to day living.

Resilience, even if it's not spontaneous like unaffected/non PTSD people is a skill set that you need to learn.

Agreed with all you said...need to clarify though. There are triggers that are in the moment and they pass. And then there are practical triggers which maybe continuous. This is a continuous one.

As example for continuous ones, when they were renovating above my apartment. Those construction sounds trigger me like crazy and they renovated nonstop, even on Sundays, for weeks, maybe a month. Was really bad at first, although I think towards the end I adapted to it and barely noticed it.

This trigger is related to financials and payments, and it occured on Friday(because of the person that needs to get the payment) but will only be resolved when the payment is made(next Monday/Tuesday). Even though I know I will have the money, even though the person knows when. It was unexpected payment after my already unexpected trip this month. And I think after that year of having no job and being scared of being evicted for way too long while applying for jobs...okay, so I think I maybe too sensitive on financial issues? I am starting to see that. Somehow they bring the whole freeze reaction in me, although if I looked logically there were a zillion issues last year and I got through all of them.

I guess the trick is learning to cope with that feeling so it doesn't trigger the survival reaction in me. I mean things are so much more stable this year, but that feeling has stayed the same. A little delay or anything going wrong and I lose it.

I have been using management techniques and it's been okay sometimes,but then others I completely fall into that feeling. Like today. Thanks. What you said somehow made me think about all that happened last year, and it made me realize I am in a better place. So that feeling is... disproportionate to the situation. I can't believe I didn't quite see it before. It's like my body or mind haven't caught up to things changing yet. They will though. And in the meantime...well, after writing on here I still managed to do some work. So there has been some progress, although there needs to be more of course.