Crazy neighbor moved all my porch furniture and then moved her things in

[EveHarrington]

Ok, just pointing out that she doesn’t need to be nice to this woman who is exacerbating her symptoms.

Nowhere did she say that it’s about self preservation. She did however say it was about not wanting to give this woman a record.

So before you jump on me and blame me for victim shaming, maybe you should go back and read the whole story again.

Because really, you’re advocating that the perp should be treated nicely? So she can go on and victimize more people in the future?

Go ahead, you two, go save the perps of the world. After all, they do deserve to be treated nicely!

 

[blackemerald1]

I don’t want to do that if possible because it leaves a record that will follow her the rest of her life. Why do I even care? I don’t know, because I’m nice. But let there be no doubt I will get one if she harasses me one more time.

just pointing out that she doesn’t need to be nice to this woman who is exacerbating her symptoms.

Agreed. However she has made it clear at the moment she does not wish to proceed with this legal avenue. Her choice, her prerogative and she can do it because she's nice, naughty or negligent. I don't blame her for pausing before taking further legal action..

She did however say it was about not wanting to give this woman a record.

Yes. I think a mature attitude towards the life-long effects of an Order of this type is something, along with many other thoughts that anyone contemplating that type of legal action should consider.

you should go back and read the whole story again.

Have & have been following it. :)

you’re advocating that the perp should be treated nicely?

No. I respect @KwanYingirl decision to hold off taking this action unless this woman does anything further. That's what she's decided to do. That's all.

Please don't interpret my thoughts as advocating for a perpetrator, particularly one I have never met or will meet. I have no vested interest in her welfare. But I do for @KwanYingirl.

So she can go on and victimize more people in the future?

Not necessarily. She may move. @KwanYingirl has mentioned that this is quite probable. How does a Protective Order in favour of KwanYingirl protect anyone else?

I sympathise with your position @EveHarrington - but if KwanYingirl wants to wait and see how things go and hold off on a Protection Order I think she should be afforded the grace to do so and perhaps not be accused of failing to protect future victims which may not or actually ever exist.

 

[Sideways]

you’re advocating that the perp should be treated nicely?

I’m ‘advocating’ for compassion and tolerance as an alternative. Because engaging in the fight with this person has been tried, and tried, and tried - and has only made it worse.

But mostly, I’m ‘advocating’ for whatever is in the best interests of the person who is living with this situation day in, day out.

When you threaten someone with a gun, and it only makes the behaviour worse? The answer isn’t always to simply use a bigger gun.

Sometimes, particularly when it’s a situation that isn’t going to go away, it can be an alternative way to manage the situation to exercise compassion and tolerance (something we, as people with ptsd, we often wish we were given by ‘normies’ who don’t understand us).

This person’s behaviour appears to be pathological. Sp whatever is going on for her? She likely can’t change, and lacks insight into how far from rational or socially acceptable she’s behaving. She isn’t necessarily a “perp”, so much as someone who is potentially really unwell, and incredibly miserable.

Thing about protection orders? Is they’re only as useful as your willingness to contiue to monitor the situation and call the police each and every time there is an infringement. That will take a lot of emotional energy. And it may have the result of turning @KwanYingirl ’s home into a warzone.

Personally? I’d hate that. I have my share of antisocial neighbours. Sometimes police intervention is necessary. But for the most part? I get far more peace in my home by simply exercising compassion and tolerance. It’s easier, cheaper, and doesn’t turn my home into a perpetual warzone.

And it has absolutely nothing to do with other people, let alone being a “big FU” to anyone. It’s about me, and how I need my home to feel safe and peaceful, and the steps I’ve decided to take to achieve that. Compassion and tolerance for people who don’t necessarily deserve either.

 

[Ronin]

... And KwanYinGirl is absolutely protecting other victims.

As in making sure the perp is as peaceful as can be, while having obviously issues going on that are not going away so easily? Is quite a lot of work, and (working on) ensuring she will settle about this case, not even move onto the next target (or if she does, not necessarily being more mad at them, as some confrontation could be worked out differently).

Being diplomatic is not a cowardice, and it isn’t opening others up for harm.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Not much is known about this woman’s life journey. I do know she moves rather frequently. She has a daughter that she housesits for often. Her demands get more outrageous. My exposure to her is zero at this point. I don’t get emails or texts, she hasn’t moved my furniture. She does want the last word and as a board member, I get sent her emails to us. The latest one expresses her opinion that it has been her generosity that she has allowed the other first floor owner and I to have any use of the entire porch. It’s laughable now. I don’t get anxious as often as I did before I hired a lawyer. I feel protected by having him advising me. The law is clearly on my side. She just can’t shut up.
I do wish the other two board members would respond to her. I think one of them is hoping she will just go away., the President is so sick of her constant bitching about many obsessions that he’s going to step down. We have relatively new owners that he doesn’t want to have to involve in this porch issue. Her other rants are directed at the way people park or rocks by the street or constant attempts to block anyone but her to park on the street. She is living in a hell of her own creation. I may not be able to control her actions, but I can control my reactions.
This case judges on the drawing on the first floor units and the porch attached to them. The law is that porches, decks, windows, shutters, etc that are attached to and serve a single unit are exclusive to that unit. The words “limited common elements” were written by someone on this plan. This is why she thinks the porch is hers to dictate. Limited common elements serve one or more but NOT ALL of the units, for instance a driveway, porch, deck, windows etc. What is missing from the plan are lines depicting the boundaries of the two first floor units. She interprets this as meaning she has the whole use of the porch. Outlandish and irrational and persistent. All that remains to be done is to clarify the floor plan to express the law. That can’t be done by my lawyer, as he represents me but can’t also represent the association.
At this point I’m just waiting for the other two board members to authorize me to work with the assoc. lawyer to have that done. Now, she may consider this a conflict of interest putting me in charge of representing the board, but they both live out of state and are only here in the summer. One has made some weekend trips up, but he has a very demanding job and can’t get up here during the week. The other ones hubby is sick and she can’t leave him either. All I’m waiting for is for them to email the assoc lawyer giving the ok for me to represent them. If it was up to me, this would have been taken care of long ago. They drag their feet. They say they’re sorry but they don’t tell her to knock it off. They know who she is and that she will never stop complaining. She starts fights about parking and trash every year.
So, yes she continues to complain and make demands, etc, but she has not infringed on my porch since my lawyer sent her the analysis. We need to know how exactly to get a revised plan into the declaration. All we know is that we can do it and it’s not uncommon that plans are often vague and ambiguous leading to disputes.
Emotionally, I feel stronger and not powerless. Powerlessness makes me overwhelmed and little/young/abused and leads to anxiety, depression, self destruction. Taking action, getting support, meditating, not isolating decrease my PTSD symptoms. She can make all kinds of demands but she can’t take the law into her own hands and my lawyer made that very clear to her. She is unpleasant and batshit crazy. I’ve got my porch back, so all her bellyaching is just life as usual and I’ve made sure she can’t cyber bully me. She only comes home a couple days a week, so I don’t ever see her. I don’t want to say Beetlejuice too many times, you know? She, like all of us, has one vote. Getting a lawyer was the best money I have ever spent.

 

[blackemerald1]

Well done you @KwanYingirl - I hope it works out well and in the end she settles down. A quiet home life is something to be treasured. :)

 

[somerandomguy]

@KwanYingirl - it sounds like you're coming from a place of personal strength and even compassion. She can't hurt you. She's only hurting herself.

I think you'll make an amazing President.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Well, this has turned out to be an amazing thread with amazing people. It’s been so helpful to be presented different points of view, that keeps me grounded (very important). I see nooks and crannies where I let my emotion mind overtake my rational mind. Having that pointed out was very helpful. Freedom from being stalked has all but melted my anxiety away. And best of all, I didn’t overmedicate. This drama taught me many lessons and showed me that I am capable of power. Not in a bad way, but that I wasn’t afraid of my nemesis. Thank you all for walking this walk with me. Namaste
PS I’ll let you know how it goes with amending the floor plan.

BTW, the cost for the lawyer? $1,200. That’s with a discount. I get to pay it off over time. My lawyer was sorry it costs this much, but the plan needed to be blown up and there still is no stamp by an engineer, lawyer, surveyor on it. I think it was added to the deed as a midnight special.

 

[blackemerald1]

Wow! That's a lot of money. I shouldn't be surprised but I always am. :speechless: Can the other tenant's and 'owner's' contribute?

 

[KwanYingirl]

Yes. The other first floor unit is paying half.

 

[KwanYingirl]

This has gone from the sublime to the ridiculous. My lawyer informed me yesterday that my crazy (my word, not his) neighbor has filed an ethics complaint against him with the Bar and the Better Business Bureau. This of course opens up a wound that I thought had a chance of healing. Seriously folks, I am concerned that having been warned to stop harassing me, she has now gone after my support system. Call me paranoid, but I do feel that she is using him as a pawn to disrupt my peace of mind. My concern at this point is that she will go after my license as an Electrologist. How? I don’t know. Clearly she is disgruntled and angry that he did not jump ship and support her demands. His letters to her were fact based and she just won’t accept not having the last word.
Meanwhile, we’re recalculating the weight of 2 units’ votes. There are 6 units. The votes are weighted by their square footage. 2 units have converted their decks into permanent rooms, thus doubling their square footage. No one has updated the Schedule in the Declaration to reflect the change. The President is coming up this weekend and we will recalculate it. With their old weights, we’d only have 66.4% of yes votes and need 67%. We’ll see what the math is after we recalculate. If we still don’t get 67%, we’ll leave the ambiguity in place. The law is very specific that when a plan does not conform to the law, the law controls. Doing nothing may be better than presenting an amendment.
She gets more outrageous all the time. She hasn’t done anything to my porch and we don’t speak. She does make a point of making much banging noise when she enters and leaves her unit. This causes my dogs to bark and I allow them to protect me.
If we don’t get the 67%, I will find a lawyer to advise me on getting a Protection from Harassment order to protect my business. I just feel awful that the condo lawyer has to deal with her insanity. I asked him if I could offer any support and he said no, he just wanted me to know the story hasn’t ended. I’m sure lawyers expect the occasional disgruntled people. When the Bar reads her rants against him which he responded to in a perfectly logical sense, they’ll see what she’s up to. In one rant, she warned him that “this is not my first rodeo”.
I’m doing OK considering. The law is clearly on my side. She knows it and is looking to take a prisoner. I am slightly anxious, but will know more when we recalculate the % of support we can get to force a new plan to be drawn up to conform to the law. The scribbling that is on it makes it look like a midnight special. The document requires that whoever draws the plan must state who they are and the names of the unit owners that pass it must be recorded. None of this is on it nor is it anywhere else. However, my lawyer still contends that it is problematic and continues to suggest coming to some agreement with the upstairs units. Not going to happen. The By laws direct the board to follow the state statutes and we will do just that, hopefully.

 

[scout86]

2 units have converted their decks into permanent rooms,

Was the original layout of those condos and their decks the same as yours? If it WAS, the fact that they could convert their decks into rooms rather strongly supports the idea that the deck belongs to the condo, doesn't it? What would they do if YOU wanted to convert YOUR deck into a room? I know that's not what you want to do, but it speaks to the issue of ownership, I think.