Absolute Power

[AlishaK]

I believe that if my abuser wanted to find us he could. No one can stop him. I'm afraid all the time that he'll find us and that will be the end. He seems like this all powerful person that I can't escape. October turned my world upside down. I have no idea what's real anymore and what to expect. I feel like anything could happen. Anyone else feel this way?

 

[Friday]

Yes & No.

I don’t think I grant my ex powers he doesn’t actually have. At the very least, I try hard not to. And I may very well be underestimating him in some ways, just for the sake of my own sanity.

I could stop him very easily. That I choose not to doesn’t mean that He can’t be stopped. It just means I choose not to.

 

[Kubash16]

I struggle with this. A lot. Sad part is mine is dead and I have no doubts of that and yet I have nightmares, daydreams, split second thoughts ALL the time of him being back.

 

[grit]

First I have to say I am glad this is posted under cognitive dissonance etc etc. Because ultimately it is in that area that is impacted the most. Second, I think you should be afraid this person may come back and do you harm or your family but the fear of something happening in the future is really what causes us the whole PTSD thingy. For me it is my mother and she is part of me and also honestly she will never be able to hurt me the same way she did as a child so I ask myself what is my problem then? My problem going in insane (must be a fear I developed as a child, maybe even as a baby)...
What I am learning though in therapy is that sanity is holding the fear of what if and the fact that I am here right now and there is no fear. Logically I can hold and I am getting better but my body gives up often - butterflies flying around often in my belly are not from today.

 

[AlishaK]

When I was a child the way he treated me unimaginable. After I left home at 17 he didn't physically assault me again...until he did this last October. That's why I don't know what to believe anymore. Waiting for the results of the rape exam is taking forever. By the time they finish I may not be able to press charges simply out of fear.

 

[Ronin]

I'm more f*cked up by people I should be able to handle, for whatever reason... made impossible to handle, & being waaay below my class as enemies.

If they have *more* power? That is fair. That is a challenge. Challenge is fair, losing to it might be, & is something to beat.

Don't have problem with the more powerful. Have a profound one with the less powerfull... still f*cking lives right & left, & being made to watch.

 

[Friday]

I'm more f*cked up by people I should be able to handle, for whatever reason... made impossible to handle, & being waaay below my class as enemies.

If they have *more* power? That is fair. That is a challenge. Challenge is fair, losing to it might be, & is something to beat.

Don't have problem with the more powerful. Have a profound one with the less powerfull... still f*cking lives right & left, & being made to watch.

OMFG. This. As in bookmarked this. I’ve never been able to concise it up or lay it out right, but this does.

 

[Ronin]

but this does.

:hilarious: Cheers.
Is slightly edited version of what I had in mind, as in the more concise & already sense making, the other bits re: douchy douchecanoes I am yet to sort & streamline through.

 

[Montgomery]

I feel exactly the same. At anytime he could come back and destroy me again. It feels like the only reason he doesn't is because im a waste of time/not worthy?! Which is f*cked up in it's own right.
Either way none of it makes sense. I really do get the feeling though.