Do you tell those close to you when you're struggling?

[Gs172003]

I am having a hard time right now and I haven't told my husband. I haven't told anybody for that matter. I don't know if I need to. I'm doing a half way decent job of hiding it I think. What do you all do?

 

[scout86]

Do you mean what do I do, or what do i think you should do? Because it's probably a different answer.

I almost never say anything to anyone because 1) I have almost no experience with that being helpful 2) I'm really good at convincing myself it's not that big a deal 3) I don't want be a bother... and I guess I could go with more reasons to keep my thoughts to myself without even having to work at it that hard.

But you're not me. So, what would happen if you talked to your husband, do you think? What would happen if you talked about what's going on in a bit more detail here?

 

[Gs172003]

Do you mean what do I do, or what do i think you should do? Because it's probably a different answer.

I almost never say anything to anyone because 1) I have almost no experience with that being helpful 2) I'm really good at convincing myself it's not that big a deal 3) I don't want be a bother... and I guess I could go with more reasons to keep my thoughts to myself without even having to work at it that hard.

But you're not me. So, what would happen if you talked to your husband, do you think? What would happen if you talked about what's going on in a bit more detail here?

One thing I am bad at is describing how I feel beyond "bad." I don't have words for alot of my feelings and it makes things difficult.
As far as talking to my husband, who knows. The last time I talked to him was when I was having suicidal thoughts and then he used it against me in a fight. Told me I was too big of a coward to actually do it. I don't think he meant it but I don't think I will ever talk to him about that again.

 

[LuckiLee]

J shares his struggles with me all the time. And I appreciate it. Most of the time I already know what is bothering him so I listen without giving advice or my thoughts. Usually that's all he needs is an ear to listen.

He's famous for saying "I have depressions in my head". And we go from there.

Is your husband supportive of your struggles? Does he validate your feelings? Why wouldn't you want to share with him.

I'm guessing he already knows you're in a bad place so why not share? You can always share with us!!

Good luck.

 

[LuckiLee]

Well I guess he isn't very supportive. I'm sorry. Share with us and maybe we can help you.

XO

 

[Gs172003]

Well I guess he isn't very supportive. I'm sorry. Share with us and maybe we can help you.

XO

Other than feeling like crap I'm not sure what to say. I struggle to go to work every day but I feel obligated because a. They rely on me and b. Too many other people where I work don't show up so I feel obligated c. Money helps.
I'm already burning out and it's only been a couple of months. We are extremely short staffed so that doesn't help either.

That said I feel myself sliding back down and am trying to catch myself. I don't know how long I can hold on before it either gets worse or I pull out.

 

[LuckiLee]

It sounds like you need some self care... Can you take some time to yourself? Maybe on the way home from work to regroup? Could you work part time?

 

[Gs172003]

It sounds like you need some self care... Can you take some time to yourself? Maybe on the way home from work to regroup? Could you work part time?

I go to the gym every day after work. That and hiking help keep me alive honestly. I fight the thoughts when I have them for my kids but it would be a hell of a lot more often if I stopped long enough to let everything catch up to me.
I bet that made no sense at all.

As far as part time I don't think I can do that to my employer. We are seriously short staffed and have rediculously unreliable people. I can't do that to them.

 

[LuckiLee]

Hmmm.... Do you have a therapist?

 

[Gs172003]

Hmmm.... Do you have a therapist?

Not anymore

 

[grit]

Few things:
Depends what kind of relationship you have? Are you safe?
If you have any issues in your interpersonal side with him, he may know there is something already and this disclosure may make you closer or farther apart.
The reasons you did not tell him might still be valid and important.
For me the plus side was he met my mother and there was no surprise the condition I found myself in.
I hope you find a real support because ultimately that is what it comes down to.

 

[scout86]

One thing I am bad at is describing how I feel beyond "bad."

I can relate to that! Actually, I relate to it enough that I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions.

Yeah..... if anything you say can and will be used against you, not much incentive to say anything, for sure. (I can relate to that too, and, as a result, haven't bothered to figure out anything constructive about talking about stuff.)

Any idea what could change (even if it involved magic) to change things for you?