Anniversary of attempt - May 24th got to get through it

[Glo809]

Greetings
Under va and private care and on a much better med package.

Had heavy storms the other night and dealt with very low visibility and unmarked flooded roads.

While shooting the shit with some of the guys it dawned on me that yes I did deal with it and not panicked my way through the bad conditions.

On the flip side my first anniversary of my attempt is this Friday. And the past year was more negative than positive.

I know the day at a time speech but the times that I don't want to be me anymore can be so very sudective.....

And that mindset looks better hour by hour, I would appreciate any feedback on this.... Thanks for your time.
G

 

[ladee]

It seems when I am coming up on an anniversary regardless the situation I feel pulled back to all the feelings of the event.

I have learned to stay focused on the differences of then and now. My brain really wants me back in all that pain and no hope. And the pull is hard to ignore.

So I don't ignore it. I accept the feelings, thoughts and memories. But for every memory I have a ' yes but...' memory to replace it.

Like all the times I pulled myself back from the edge the previous year. So I can tell myself yes this hurts and then say yes but I didn't do xzy. I tried new things.

And you came here and shared!! So here is a 'yes but...'. You are worried about the anniversary..but you came here for support this time.

This is a huge move. You have made progress. I understand how hard it is. But you ARE practicing new options.

 

[Glo809]

Greetings

I have such a drive to call the hotline and tell them what a tightrope I'm walking this week....

But the last time I was honest with them I was locked up for 10 days.

The pitfalls of this new reality.... Suck......

G

 

[bellbird]

Hey @Glo809 , the first anniversary of my attempt is May 21.
Maybe we can get through this together?

 

[Glo809]

Greetings
How did you survive?
And what happened afterwards.
G

 

[bellbird]

How did you survive?

Much as you appear to have :) ; taking things one day at a time; sometimes we could stretch it out to week-by-week, and sometimes it was back to minute-by-minute.

Talking to people; my T and the folks here, primarily.

Also, through series of healthy changes in my life; regaining control from my ED, exercising, doing something that gave me a sense of purpose, and working with my pdoc to implement alterations to both day and night meds.

And what happened afterwards.

Immediately afterwards I was hospitalised for 3 weeks, which was life-saving.
But it was after my discharge; the remainder of the year since, that the "real work" happened; the aforementioned changes and day-to-day survival.

 

[Glo809]

A long road to get to the unknown......

Think maybe I'll camp and see where I end up.

Nite nite y'all. G

 

[Tinyflame]

I learned something today, (supposedly) that if a person feels unsafe due to being triggered, or feels abandoned or despairing and doesn't talk about it, apparently it becomes filed in long-term memory and becomes more likely to be returned to. So I hope you can talk about it here, and look at @bellbird 's thread (sorry I don't have the link).

Hugs to you. Lots of stress by the sounds of it driving, too. Especially when it's your job. :hug:

 

[bellbird]

Stay safe, @Glo809 . Talk soon

 

[Glo809]

Didn't make it, tried third attempt last night. By overdose

Heading to lock now.

May God bless, all who seek out Peace.

Thanks
G

 

[joeylittle]

@Glo809 - just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. I'm sorry things are so hard.

 

[Lucycat]

n the flip side my first anniversary of my attempt is this Friday.

I remember the first anniversay of my attempt. The second anniversary it passed as just another day. Now I cannot even remember the exact date, just that it was a Friday the Thirteenth - and that was just a cioincidence.