Depression Feels Like a Cage

[piratelady]

I feel like I’m trapped in a cage and I can’t get out of it. On this site, I feel like someone opened the door and all I have to do is talk and accept support, but I can’t. I can’t go back to being the P my friends here knew and liked. It’s like @Innordinate opened the door/cage and tried to help me out and all I have to do is walk out, but I don’t know how or think I can.

In real life, I’ve been staying extremely busy and projecting extreme happiness. I feel trapped by that too. No one would believe how miserable I really am if I stop. I don’t know what would happen to me if I stopped being busy.

I don’t know how to fix this but I don’t want to be like this anymore.

 

[Gs172003]

I feel like I’m trapped in a cage and I can’t get out of it. On this site, I feel like someone opened the door and all I have to do is talk and accept support, but I can’t. I can’t go back to being the P my friends here knew and liked. It’s like @Innordinate opened the door/cage and tried to help me out and all I have to do is walk out, but I don’t know how or think I can.

In real life, I’ve been staying extremely busy and projecting extreme happiness. I feel trapped by that too. No one would believe how miserable I really am if I stop. I don’t know what would happen to me if I stopped being busy.

I don’t know how to fix this but I don’t want to be like this anymore.

We sound alot alike. I understand.

 

[Innordinate]

can’t. I can’t go back to being the P my friends here knew and liked.

i dont think theres a type of P
you have to be. (got distracted by the rhyme)

um anyways......
? you're you
no matter what you do

(what? am i f*cking channeling dr seuss?)

okay P. you dont have to act or be a certain kind of way for people to like you.
speaking for myself and im sure everyone else who knows you on here- i like depressed P as much as i like genuinely happy P. and nice P and angry P and upset P and confused P and caring P and intelligent P and and and....

make sense?

I don’t know how to fix this but I don’t want to be like this anymore.

t? have you talked to him?
sometimes you just have to ride out this kind of crap and yeh its hard. usually the hardest thing we have to do at the moment but you actually have done it before and you really will do it this time.

I’ve been staying extremely busy and projecting extreme happiness. I feel trapped by that too. No one would believe how miserable I really am if I stop.

i get this too. i've heard it called high functioning depression. but i dont think there's anything wrong with it except it makes us feel fake.
it can also get us through tho- the whole "fake it til u make it" deal.

a lot of people not even suffering with depression use it as a strategy too.

not sure how i opened the door/cage but im glad i did and i fully trust you'll walk through it and out when you're able/ready.
i know you don't trust yourself the way i trust you but thats cuz youre stuck in the cage still.....

hang in there- give yourself some air/space/breathing room when you can k.
alone time to sit with yourself.

ive seen and read the shit you've been able to overcome. you've hit a rough patch but it's really and truly no worse than other rough spots you've gotten passed.

and just be you- on here at least. nobody here cares if you need to pretend to be happy or if you're a constant soggy mess of tears.

????
:ninja:

 

[somerandomguy]

I like you, @piratelady, whether you're depressed or not. I like you no matter how you feel.

I bet everyone feels the same way as me, too.

 

[piratelady]

Thanks guys. I promise I wasn’t fishing for compliments.

You’re right @Innordinate, this will pass, or it won’t.

 

[Innordinate]

this will pass, or it won’t.

it will
not a question of 'if' just 'when'
change is inevitable
part of nature and as impressive (or not, depending how you look at it) a species humans are we're still a part of nature

i hope it passes soon for you and without much more distress

?

 

[piratelady]

t? have you talked to him?

I gave him an excerpt from my journal, when I finally posted about what brought all this on. I told him it all passed though. I think he knows I’m not 100%.

I’m not really sure why I posted here, we can’t change any of this. You guys can’t yank me out of my mood. Therapist can’t either.

Therapist said to try to watch the negative thoughts. I don’t really have any, except that my life is miserable.

 

[Deanna]

Do u take medication?

 

[grit]

I hope you find your special way of containing all of you as a human. Depression or anxiety sometimes is a way the mind is telling us we need change. I am curious what will happen if you schedule time for doing nothing and accepting whatever that comes out of it?

 

[Innordinate]

I don’t really have any, except that my life is miserable

why?
what makes your life miserable?

u dont have to answer here but if u can come up with answers...... well, they're probably negative thoughts hey??

 

[Friday]

One of the things that drives me crazy about depression is that I’ve been locked in a cage, before... and gotten more done :shifty:

Even in a box too small to sit up or lay down, I stayed in better physical and mental nick than here with the world at my feet. And given a larger box? With room to do more than flexing and holding individual muscles, and shifting weight this way and that? I kept myself busy. And entertained/engaged/determined. But out here? Despair and apathy abound. FFS. Drives me mad.

‘Nor iron bars a cage.’ indeed. Or, I suppose, cinderblock in my case.

I’d far rather be locked up for real, than held prisoner in my own heart and mind.

 

[Ronin]

Well the good part is its your mind, so if a cage, you also have the keys, because you know everything about it, been there before, and are looking for a way out and still not done trying. Which is a lot, you would not be even asking about the out if it truly stopped existing for you. So keep pushing, until something gives?

No one would believe is just a thing you think, now... Maybe they would. Maybe they would relate. Maybe someone else, if not them, would, and that someone is worth finding.

Maybe the being happy for everyone else thing could use less of. I mean, its exhausting. Totally normal human to not be doing that great time to time, too.