Depression Feels Like a Cage

[piratelady]

Thank you all for the feedback. I keep trying to respond, but I just don’t have it in me to know what to say or to even put forth the effort. But thank you all, I do appreciate it.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I felt like I was in a cage once for a very long time, and my options were limited, and I lived in bed-went to work-came back to the cage where my bed was. Each day I chose to come back to the cage. Then one day I decided that I didn't want to be like that, in bed, just existing. While I was there, I used my skills, knowledge, friends advice, and this forum, to help me find a way out. Posting here was helpful-and a reality check. Getting encouragement was helpful. Then when I was sick of being inside the cage, I opened the door and never went back. I have a different home, a different bed, and a different life-but this too, sometimes is hard. For me, the grass was greener outside my cage, when I made the choice to change.

 

[piratelady]

We sound alot alike. I understand.

Thank you. It is nice to know someone can understand the pain.

channeling dr seuss?)

That could be a shorter book you write...Dr. Suess and Green Eggs and Ham meets PTSD :D

not sure how i opened the door/cage but im glad i did

A few weeks ago when I got creepy quiet you were kind of trying to get me to talk/post a little bit. I feel like it was kind of trying to get me out of my own head. I word vomited in my journal and then just went radio silent again and went back into my little cage of depression.

nobody here cares if you need to pretend to be happy or if you're a constant soggy mess of tears.

Posting here was helpful-and a reality check.

I get this, it's just if I can't find the energy to contribute or type anything, you guys can't really help me. As much as people can understand what I'm going through, if I can barely find the will to type something no one here can help me. You guys aren't psychics.

Do u take medication?

I'm anti-medication for me. I was starting to waiver on my resolve against it, but now that I found a new anxiety app and therapist and this site together yanked me out of this depression, I'm back on the 'No medication for me' band wagon.

I am curious what will happen if you schedule time for doing nothing and accepting whatever that comes out of it?

I wanted to do that this weekend while my husband was going to be out of town. Therapist knows, in the past, when I've had too much time with my own thoughts, I tend to go down the rabbit hole a bit and come out worse. So, therapist recommended against that for right now. I think he's worried the suicidal thoughts that have started up would get significantly worse if I was left with too much down time.

well, they're probably negative thoughts hey?

Ha! Yes, yes they were. Therapist picked up on all the negative thoughts in therapy today. I don't really even notice them, I just accept them for what they are. He and I are working harder on tackling that one. My new app is going to help a lot I think.

Anyway, I'm not 100%, but I'm a lot better than I was even this morning. So, thank you everyone for all the kind words. Maybe now I can even catch up on the journals I read and give back a little bit! :hug:

 

[Gs172003]

Thank you. It is nice to know someone can understand the pain.
That could be a shorter book you write...Dr. Suess and Green Eggs and Ham meets PTSD :D
A few weeks ago when I got creepy quiet you were kind of trying to get me to talk/post a little bit. I feel like it was kind of trying to get me out of my own head. I word vomited in my journal and then just went radio silent again and went back into my little cage of depression.


I get this, it's just if I can't find the energy to contribute or type anything, you guys can't really help me. As much as people can understand what I'm going through, if I can barely find the will to type something no one here can help me. You guys aren't psychics.

I'm anti-medication for me. I was starting to waiver on my resolve against it, but now that I found a new anxiety app and therapist and this site together yanked me out of this depression, I'm back on the 'No medication for me' band wagon.

I wanted to do that this weekend while my husband was going to be out of town. Therapist knows, in the past, when I've had too much time with my own thoughts, I tend to go down the rabbit hole a bit and come out worse. So, therapist recommended against that for right now. I think he's worried the suicidal thoughts that have started up would get significantly worse if I was left with too much down time.

Ha! Yes, yes they were. Therapist picked up on all the negative thoughts in therapy today. I don't really even notice them, I just accept them for what they are. He and I are working harder on tackling that one. My new app is going to help a lot I think.

Anyway, I'm not 100%, but I'm a lot better than I was even this morning. So, thank you everyone for all the kind words. Maybe now I can even catch up on the journals I read and give back a little bit! :hug:

Can you share the app?

I'm the same way with down time and meds so I understand completely.

 

[piratelady]

Can you share the app?

I's called MindShift. It appears to be for both android and iphones.

It might be kind of rudimentary, I've never really done CBT, so it's all like new and shiney to me. It's geared more towards anxiety, but it helped with my depression, I think because my negative thought loops tend to make my depression a lot worse. It's free and was made by some Canadian Anxiety folks I believe. You can shared the stuff you add via email too, I sent it to my therapist, then looked at the sent email, that part is pretty cumbersome for the person receiving the email, but I'm guessing he appreciates it.

If you want to work towards conquering something, you can use it to make a step-by-step plan too. I couldn't think of the steps though. He and I are going to put some steps together next week.

 

[Innordinate]

Dr. Suess and Green Eggs and Ham meets PTSD

? intresting. might have to write that one just for the hell of it....

You guys aren't psychics.

what?? you mean...... all this time......? but i'm not? :cry:
;)

past, when I've had too much time with my own thoughts, I tend to go down the rabbit hole a bit and come out worse.

i do the same thing, sitting quietly alone with thoughts and feeling the feels is the worst thing i could do. but even something simple like coloring and processing at the same time works okay.
something to engage the brain enough to not go down the rabbit hole but also allow for some pre-frontal cortex thinking to kick in and rationally evaluate the distressing feelings/thoughts.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I'm anti meds as well. I take the ones I have to and in extreme circumstances, took Lorazapam for a short while, to get through high anxiety times but

? intresting. might have to write that one just for the hell of it....


what?? you mean...... all this time......? but i'm not? :cry:
;)



i do the same thing, sitting quietly alone with thoughts and feeling the feels is the worst thing i could do. but even something simple like coloring and processing at the same time works okay.
something to engage the brain enough to not go down the rabbit hole but also allow for some pre-frontal cortex thinking to kick in and rationally evaluate the distressing feelings/thoughts.

I hate long car rides for this reason. Way too easy to get me thinking about things that I should be telling a T, who doesn't happen to be there riding along. Today, was a long day in the car. I stopped and got a grounding box of popsicles.....yeah, not going to rehash stuff in the car to self, and those cold popsicles did the trick! And I did....eat the whole box but stayed in the here and now. I probably will have to now refer myself to ED thread.

 

[piratelady]

but even something simple like coloring and processing at the same time works okay.

I do forget about coloring. F bought me some fancy colored pencils too (I can't remember what they call them in Canada). I'll have to try that next time.

One thing I told therapist is that I was doing OK last week. I had the week off. I kept myself really busy, cleaning, painting the house. Then F said I needed to use one of my days off to actually stop and relax. It was then that I crashed and got even worse than I was. That was on Friday. It was a long 5 days...really long. I've never been depressed quite like that. It was eerie. I don't think I like it.

those cold popsicles did the trick! And I did....eat the whole box but stayed in the here and now. I probably will have to now refer myself to ED thread.

LOL! I do love popsicles. We bought the plastic things so I can make my own with juice or whatnot. I tried making them with purees fruit once and used kumquats. Those were a little ...odd :roflmao:

 

[TruthSeeker]

I do forget about coloring. F bought me some fancy colored pencils too (I can't remember what they call them in Canada). I'll have to try that next time.

One thing I told therapist is that I was doing OK last week. I had the week off. I kept myself really busy, cleaning, painting the house. Then F said I needed to use one of my days off to actually stop and relax. It was then that I crashed and got even worse than I was. That was on Friday. It was a long 5 days...really long. I've never been depressed quite like that. It was eerie. I don't think I like it.

LOL! I do love popsicles. We bought the plastic things so I can make my own with juice or whatnot. I tried making them with purees fruit once and used kumquats. Those were a little ...odd :roflmao:

@piratelady Kumquats? I don't know what a kumquat tastes like.....but from your description, maybe I should pass!

 

[piratelady]

I found 14-steps on how to eat a kumquat on the internet! Why you need 14 steps is beyond me. They're a little sour/bitter. I really love them! Well, when I eat them, I eat a few, not as many as I used in a popcicle. They're like a mini, bitter, edible citrus that looks like a mini orange but more sour.
How to Eat a Kumquat

 

[Innordinate]

fancy colored pencils

fancy pencil crayons ???

 

[TruthSeeker]

I found 14-steps on how to eat a kumquat on the internet! Why you need 14 steps is beyond me. They're a little sour/bitter. I really love them! Well, when I eat them, I eat a few, not as many as I used in a popcicle. They're like a mini, bitter, edible citrus that looks like a mini orange but more sour.
How to Eat a Kumquat

Sounds grounding to eat