General Anyone else seeing their sufferer go down hill in the school holidays?

[Sunshine71]

Anyone else seeing their sufferer go down hill in the school hols?

Hubby has just got worse - flashback in the supermarket , getting really cross with our son, shouting all the way home, storming off, coming back shouting "just get me home" then trying to get out of the car while it was moving.

He said I should have just known he was ill.

I am exhausted.

I am trying to run my business and give out son a nice school holiday. Hubby isn't working a great deal and not doing anything with our son. So when I am working our son is playing hours and hours of the Playstation.

Off on a holiday Friday and now I am dreading it.

Why can't we just have a nice time.

I will support hubby but am I just supposed to know something has happened PTSD wise? Do we just excuse that he is angry and shouting?

I am telling my son daddy has come over ill and this makes him angry - but this isn't usual behavior. It isn't thing the thing to do - walk off while in the shop car park and shout.

I know its beyond horrible for hubbie but when he is so nasty its very hard to just be nice to him.

I don't even know him and you cant like someone who is being so nasty.

Sorry for the rant.

Just tired of this double life.

Much love

Sunshine.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Sufferer here.

Do we just excuse that he is angry and shouting?

Nope. There is no excuse for shouting and that tells me that you don't have proper boundries there. Boundries are what you will and not put up with personally or around your child. "I will not tolerate being shouted at. If you want to have a calm discussion then fine. But if you want to shout, I will not engage in conversation" and then don't engage in conversation and just walk away. If he is shouting at your son "I will not tolerate you shouting at our child. If you want to calmly discuss something with him then fine. Otherwise neither of us will engage in coversation" and walk your son away. If your son is old enough, they maybe able to do this but, as minors, we adult and parents are responsible for their wellbeing. But, if old enough, its a good idea to practice teaching your son how to lay boundries for himself anyway as this is a super useful tool for the outside world anyway.

Also, maybe introduce isolation times to hubby. Is hubby in therapy? If not, he should be. But maybe hubby doesn't know how to ask for times alone. We need that as sufferers. So, maybe tell hubby "you know, it's ok to take sometime to yourself if you need it". Maybe he just needs permission to take a bit of an isolation time. That will help too. Its mainly way we isolate. So we don't make it hell for those around us.

Just an idea. But boundries, boundries, boundries. My personal advice.

 

[Friday]

<grin> You GOT this @Sunshine71 :sneaky: Leave his cranky ass at home and go get some ice cream & swimming in with the KidSunshine, yeah? Those bad moods are just contagious as f*ck. You didn’t throttle him for ruining a family outing, so go reward the victors whilst the walking wounded escapes a high heel up the ass (since that’s where his head is).

Aside from that... cha. My own school breaks AND my kids school breaks were (are still, sometimes) just like an encyclopaedia entry next to “transitions badly” :bag: I’ve gotten better with it over the years, but it still strikes now and again. There’s the first blush (not knowing what the f*ck to do), and then there’s the middle guilt (of not doing the things I want to be doing), and the the frantic end (of trying to cram in all the stuff we haven’t done).

It was actually at its best while we were homeschooling... less because KidFriday was around all the time (he wasn’t, he had more classes & camps & away time than when he was in public school) and more because I had to plan a quarter ahead what NEXT quarter was going to look like, if we were going to make the sign up dates and coordinate everything to have it balance with busy & free time. So I had transition time in spades. :happy: Now that my little one is a freaking big High Schooler? I’m going spare every school holiday all over again. It’s like shifting from 5th to 1st (and the engine comes flying out of the car) or 1st to 5th and OMFG the screeching wine! Shift! Shift! CLUTCH! Areyouafreakigmoronorwhat??? :facepalm: Aaaargh. And. I. Know. It. But somehow appear to have lost the common sense to approach it 3 months in advance. I can’t wait until football practice starts. Not because it means KidFriday is gone... but just because I will KNOW the schedule. And can plan around that shit. Me @loosends = bad juju.

 

[Sunshine71]

Sufferer here.



Nope. There is no excuse for shouting and that tells me that you don't have proper boundries there. Boundries are what you will and not put up with personally or around your child. "I will not tolerate being shouted at. If you want to have a calm discussion then fine. But if you want to shout, I will not engage in conversation" and then don't engage in conversation and just walk away. If he is shouting at your son "I will not tolerate you shouting at our child. If you want to calmly discuss something with him then fine. Otherwise neither of us will engage in coversation" and walk your son away. If your son is old enough, they maybe able to do this but, as minors, we adult and parents are responsible for their wellbeing. But, if old enough, its a good idea to practice teaching your son how to lay boundries for himself anyway as this is a super useful tool for the outside world anyway.

Also, maybe introduce isolation times to hubby. Is hubby in therapy? If not, he should be. But maybe hubby doesn't know how to ask for times alone. We need that as sufferers. So, maybe tell hubby "you know, it's ok to take sometime to yourself if you need it". Maybe he just needs permission to take a bit of an isolation time. That will help too. Its mainly way we isolate. So we don't make it hell for those around us.

Just an idea. But boundries, boundries, boundries. My personal advice.

Thank you xxxx

<grin> You GOT this @Sunshine71 :sneaky: Leave his cranky ass at home and go get some ice cream & swimming in with the KidSunshine, yeah? Those bad moods are just contagious as f*ck. You didn’t throttle him for ruining a family outing, so go reward the victors whilst the walking wounded escapes a high heel up the ass (since that’s where his head is).

Aside from that... cha. My own school breaks AND my kids school breaks were (are still, sometimes) just like an encyclopaedia entry next to “transitions badly” :bag: I’ve gotten better with it over the years, but it still strikes now and again. There’s the first blush (not knowing what the f*ck to do), and then there’s the middle guilt (of not doing the things I want to be doing), and the the frantic end (of trying to cram in all the stuff we haven’t done).

It was actually at its best while we were homeschooling... less because KidFriday was around all the time (he wasn’t, he had more classes & camps & away time than when he was in public school) and more because I had to plan a quarter ahead what NEXT quarter was going to look like, if we were going to make the sign up dates and coordinate everything to have it balance with busy & free time. So I had transition time in spades. :happy: Now that my little one is a freaking big High Schooler? I’m going spare every school holiday all over again. It’s like shifting from 5th to 1st (and the engine comes flying out of the car) or 1st to 5th and OMFG the screeching wine! Shift! Shift! CLUTCH! Areyouafreakigmoronorwhat??? :facepalm: Aaaargh. And. I. Know. It. But somehow appear to have lost the common sense to approach it 3 months in advance. I can’t wait until football practice starts. Not because it means KidFriday is gone... but just because I will KNOW the schedule. And can plan around that shit. Me @loosends = bad juju.

Thank you so much - your reply really made me smile too - thank you!! xx

 

[Freida]

He said I should have just known he was ill.

Well that's a bunch of crap. (I'm a sufferer so I get to say that! :laugh:)
Hubby has a general idea of when I'm going to be ptsdy, based on years of practice. But I would NEVER tell him that it is his responsibility to keep track of my upcoming temper tantrums.

I will support hubby but am I just supposed to know something has happened PTSD wise? Do we just excuse that he is angry and shouting?

Nope. PTSD doesn't give us the right to make someone our personal pinata. If he's not in therapy he needs to be for no other reason than to can learn that.

 

[Sweetpea76]

No, you cannot mind-read, or have a built in PTSD sensor. All that is happening inside his head, how are you supposed to know?

As far as telling your kid that his father is ill, that sounds reasonable to me. Of course he needs some kind of age-appropriate explanation... “grown folks shouldn’t have screaming tantrums in a parking lot. It’s not the way people should act. Dad is ill, and sometimes he doesn’t handle it well. It can be scary sometimes, but you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Your son has to live with it too, and your husband shouldn’t get mad at you for trying to help your son understand what is going on. Ultimately your son’s well being and mental health has to come first.