Accepting lack of justice/ social inequality?

[Mee]

I am home from my therapy session this week and we returned to my big boomerang that keeps seeing me collapse; I am extremely impacted by the idea of accepting lack of justice. Not for the childhood stuff but the recent stuff.

I’m wondering how any others who have overcome this tackled this. I think this more than any other aspect stops me progressing now.

 

[somerandomguy]

My perpetrator will never go to jail or apologize or anything. I'm basically OK with this because it means I never have to interact with her again.

Part of healing is to evict the perpetrators from our brains. The actions that gave me PTSD have ended. She isn't anywhere near me now and hasn't acted on me for years and years. It's over.

Human justice is an extremely fallible thing, almost to the point of uselessness. I have to just accept that. Perhaps there's a more universal justice that we can rely on. Maybe not.

I've decided to look at it in the same way that a person who's been paralyzed has to look at life. An accident happened and the result is completely unfair. But unfair or not, we continue to live. We make the best of it.

 

[Mee]

My perpetrator will never go to jail or apologize or anything. I'm basically OK with this because it means I never have to interact with her again.

Part of healing is to evict the perpetrators from our brains. The actions that gave me PTSD have ended. She isn't anywhere near me now and hasn't acted on me for years and years. It's over.

Human justice is an extremely fallible thing, almost to the point of uselessness. I have to just accept that. Perhaps there's a more universal justice that we can rely on. Maybe not.

I've decided to look at it in the same way that a person who's been paralyzed has to look at life. An accident happened and the result is completely unfair. But unfair or not, we continue to live. We make the best of it.

Thanks @somerandomguy. Your response is particularly interesting as I guess I have felt you get upset by injustices you perceive in society still? For me that’s a really big one. They resonate extremely ‘big’ and trigger the ‘stuff’ and I cannot say it’s just ‘social concern’ because it’s too damn personal and while it triggers I cannot deny that. If it ceases to trigger will I just have got better numbed to it?

I am even wondering if this is a core element of my PTSD ; my ‘how I see my self in the world’ factor?

I felt really awful for my therapist today as I thrashed this out AGAIN, sobbing.

 

[somerandomguy]

@Mee - I take certain injustices personally. I know I shouldn't, but I do anyway. I also talk about it with my T a lot, but can't seem to figure out how to not do this.

I remember, in my life before PTSD, I was sometimes aware of these injustices, but they rarely bothered me very much. So it may well be that taking injustice personally is a symptom of my PTSD. On the other hand, I think that trying to treat my PTSD has also caused me to be more empathetic overall, so I don't know.

 

[Mee]

@Mee - I take certain injustices personally. I know I shouldn't, but I do anyway. I also talk about it with my T a lot, but can't seem to figure out how to not do this.

I remember, in my life before PTSD, I was sometimes aware of these injustices, but they rarely bothered me very much. So it may well be that taking injustice personally is a symptom of my PTSD. On the other hand, I think that trying to treat my PTSD has also caused me to be more empathetic overall, so I don't know.

I hope I was not insensitive in pointing out what I see as similarity between us?

I think what you wrote is similar to how I feel.

I was empathetic before, but it was not triggering of anything for me. My T feels it’s a way to both distance myself and see validation; to see others’ pain and injustice in media as big but also painful that mine isn’t recognised/have justice.

 

[somerandomguy]

I hope I was not insensitive in pointing out what I see as similarity between us?

?

painful that mine isn’t recognised/have justice.

Agreed. Same.

 

[Friday]

I’m wondering how any others who have overcome this tackled this. I think this more than any other aspect stops me progressing now.

I view justice as a very 1st person kind of thing. Rather than 3rd party / contracted justice that someone else does for me.

What am I willing to do? What consequences am I willing to live with? Do that. It keeps things simple.

 

[Mee]

I view justice as a very 1st person kind of thing. Rather than 3rd party / contracted justice that someone else does for me.

What am I willing to do? What consequences am I willing to live with? Do that. It keeps things simple.

Like ...shoot them? ( I don’t want that to be clear) . I can’t do what I would want done. I want those bastards to have to go to therapy and do this hard work too. I think they should pay for mine.

I don’t seek to castrate , or ‘ruin his life’ or more importantly impair life of the families involved.

I think that’s a really interesting idea; what would I be prepared to do? I don’t feel able to do anything. Maybe that’s part of it? Lack of control?? Not sure. Doesn’t feel quite it but i’m Going to sit with it a while.


Edit: I think I should use emoticons more. Please imagine a laughing smilie after ‘shoot them?’ It is entirely a joke not a pre warning of vigilante justice. I’m more likely to binge eat donuts to be honest

 

[Ronin]

I can’t do what I would want done.

... The whole revenge aint justice aint closure speech.

and honestly, do you want whichever you think you do?

I want those bastards to have to go to therapy

Mandatory T does not bring change from within tho.
The whole Man persuaded against his will, is a one that believes still, thing.

I think they should pay for mine.

... and have them whining till eternity how you OWE them some more???

Cha.
Revenge is good, on paper.

... and Molotovs waste perfectly good booze. << Where I go when I get even remotely serious.

Edited to add: I firmly believe in Be the change/justice you want to see in the world.
Given still so far from *that*, lots to work toward.
But yeah, what the world does or does not do, is outside of my control. Me, am not.

 

[Mee]

... The whole revenge aint justice aint closure speech.

and honestly, do you want whichever you think you do?



Mandatory T does not bring change from within tho.
The whole Man persuaded against his will, is a one that believes still, thing.


... and have them whining till eternity how you OWE them some more???

Cha.
Revenge is good, on paper.

... and Molotovs waste perfectly good booze. << Where I go when I get even remotely serious.

Ooooh, this is good. I’m way too tired to have even a small glass of wine tonight. But as a treat for my difficult week I have some red meat and red wine. Probably Friday night, then dh can help

Yeah. I guess what I also want is for them to be on a sex offenders register. I can’t do that. And I guess I want validation. I don’t even know if I feel ‘shallow’ about that anymore. I did; but I think it’s anti the victim blaming stuff. I think that’s a total ptsd and attachment disorder thing: but I also think it’s ok. I think we undervalue validation. Interdependence is a big thing for me.

I wouldn’t hear them whining. And it might help? What else would? It might help those around them too? Anyway even though I want it I cannot enforce it so it’s all moot, right?!

 

[Ronin]

I also want is for them to be on a sex offenders register. I can’t do that.

So also ready for stalking and break ins or flat tires and smashed cars when they get soo mad about how their freedom of move and housing gets limited, endless spreads about how the saga looks from their view that airs too close truths alongside and circulates around where right now, your story is fairly contained to those *you* entrust with that information... things like that?

And I guess I want validation.

See, there we get to goals that are totally gettable, territory. :)

Anyway even though I want it I cannot enforce it so it’s all moot, right?!

Just pointing out external justice may be good... but the more mattering one is yours, still, and you can get that, entirely without them.
Your healing does not depend on if they get served prison sentences, or not.

 

[Mee]

So also ready for stalking and break ins or flat tires and smashed cars when they get soo mad about how their freedom of move and housing gets limited, endless spreads about how the saga looks from their view that airs too close truths alongside and circulates around where right now, your story is fairly contained to those *you* entrust with that information... things like that?



See, there we get to goals that are totally gettable, territory. :)



Just pointing out external justice may be good... but the more mattering one is yours, still, and you can get that, entirely without them.
Your healing does not depend on if they get served prison sentences, or not.

I live too far for them to stalk physically. I have suffered doxxing and stuff anyway. One says I made a false accusation the other says I was covering for an affair. ( this is complicated.... I was seeing one of them, but not cheating, my husband knew and was not sexually involved, but friends and we’d have meals together and stuff). My family were threatened with exposure of personal details of that complicated private life and other stuff that wasn’t true etc, with emails that police couldn’t track ?. My husband and I were FINE with the truth being known.

I’m not at physical risk, but I gotthe other stuff without the benefits and a lot of retraumatisation. So yeah, i’d Take it again for the validation of justice and feeling that others were safer from that sort of thing in the future. :(

I want to be the change I want to see. I guess I don’t know how to do that. I try very hard to do the right thing. I get it wrong, but I apologise. I get in moral conundrums a lot.