Feeling triggered by people's questions

[Eliza]

You're all right. I'm pretty sure she's being a bit gossipy and nosy. I don't think she means anything by it. It's a tough one. I went with saying I'd been having a few symptoms recently, but blamed bonfire night. That seemed to shut her up!

 

[Lionheart]

This thread got me thinking about the time I had a doctor ask me why I have PTSD and I told him, sexual child abuse. That made me so uncomfortable that I started answering that question with the word, "trauma" instead.

When they'd ask what kind of trauma, I'd say the kind that can cause PTSD." That usually shuts them up, but if they insisted, I might say child abuse if I think they have a need to know ....but the fact that it was 'sexual' child abuse is none of their business.

Otherwise, I just give them a broken record response and say the same thing over and over, refusing to give any additional information. I can be quite stubborn.

hope this somehow helps you in the future if people are being nosey and pressure you for information.

 

[DharmaGirl]

If someone asks me about my trauma, I say I don't talk about it. I don't. I can't even bring myself to talk to a therapist about the trauma most of the time. I'm amazed that people can talk about their trauma at all! That doesn't make it right, it is just my experience.

 

[Eliza]

I find it quite difficult as well. Especially now work know. When it was only talking about it with people who knew me when it happened, it felt a bit more ok if that makes sense? Like, I just talk about it and don't have to explain it.
It was kind of upsetting today, as one of my closest work friends (not the one who was asking all the questions) told a couple of other colleagues, and they were there this morning when she asked if I was ok. They were nice enough about it, but one of them decided to tell me that she'd only ever seen terror attacks on the news, and that she always feels unreal, like she's watching a movie, and that she's never known anyone who was actually there. I know what she was getting at, and she was trying to sympathise. But it pretty much just made me feel like a freak, or like she thinks it's some kind of badge of honour now that she knows someone who's experienced an attack.
I couldn't really help myself, I got a bit snappy and went into fairly graphic detail, "Well, now you know someone who has seen..." (I won't go into what I said because I don't want to be a jerk and trigger people on here). That shut her up, and then in their stunned silence I just walked away.

 

[blackemerald1]

as one of my closest work friends (not the one who was asking all the questions) told a couple of other colleagues, and they were there this morning when she asked if I was ok.

^This is not a friend thing to do. Asking if you are ok in front of people who are not aware of your history is not ok. Likely it might make you not be ok by 'outing' your personal circumstances to all. I'd have a private word with this person and ask them to be a bit more discreet if they are worried about you. It's nice that people are concerned about you to ask though imo.

I am frequently asked a lot of questions about my past. Dumb, intrusive and unnecessary questions. I feel sorry for people who have nothing much better to concern themselves about. I'm referring to people who have no interest in your welfare etc.

However, being offensive or defensive towards work colleagues who are being ignorant is probably going to invoke even more negative attention and make your work circumstances awkward.

I'd suggest trying to be completely neutral about any questions or unwanted attention. As has already been suggested by a number of members - throw the ball back in their court - with a question that tends to shut down that theme. It could be a work question or something relating to the interrogator.

News get's old quickly. Hopefully they will move on to something more topical - so hang in there.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I'm having a biopsy for uterine cancer, and the surgeon asked me about my PTSD because it was pertinent. She just wanted to know if it was CSA, because after that she said she would do it under general anesthesia, which I bartered down to conscious sedation.

 

[Eliza]

^This is not a friend thing to do. Asking if you are ok in front of people who are not aware of your history is not ok. Likely it might make you not be ok by 'outing' your personal circumstances to all. I'd have a private word with this person and ask them to be a bit more discreet if they are worried about you. It's nice that people are concerned about you to ask though imo.

Yeah, I was kind of surprised by it. I didn't ask her not to mention it though, and it's not really a 'secret' as such. I just don't like the thought of people talking about my personal circumstances. I think because she is really close to them, I think she forgets that that's her team, not mine, and although they are lovely people, I am not massively close to them.

However, being offensive or defensive towards work colleagues who are being ignorant is probably going to invoke even more negative attention and make your work circumstances awkward.

That is very true, and in hindsight it was definitely a mistake. Although it did stop her from talking about it. And I complimented her jumper later, so there wasn't too much awkwardness later in the day.

I think it was just a reflex as I was already on edge, and it was my way off saying F you, without actually saying it!

 

[Eliza]

Well. The questions finally got to me. I had a SUPER intense flashback. I had to go and sit in a quiet room and ground myself. It caused a MASSIVE panic attack. Meaning I was seen crying by 2 staff members (luckily who I’m really close to), and my boss. Then one of them called my counsellor and booked me in to see him early. So I’m just waiting for the appointment.
It was one of the most intense flashbacks I have ever had, and it was partly due to bonfire night, partly the time of year, but I’m pretty sure it’s mostly the moment she asked me, “So, did you see the person who jumped off the bridge to get away from the car?” And “So were you walking TOWARDS the car when it happened?” Etc. I tried to tell her that I didn’t want to talk about it, but I froze up. I went back to my desk, and almost immediately had a super intense flashback. Like, I was back on the bridge. It didn’t help that our work medic was in the room at the time, and he wears a green medic uniform, and then I heard the duty managers talking about some kind of emergency. Then I heard another department talking about life insurance and saying, “I could get hit by a car and die tomorrow, and my parents wouldn’t have a clue where I keep my life insurance papers.”
So all of a sudden the noise and chaos in the office because the noise and chaos on the bridge, and I was there again. I tried to explain this afterwards, that it didn’t FEEL like I was there. It was so intense that mentally I WAS there. And I think I just sounded stupid.
But I’m not letting myself get like this again. Any more questions and I’m just going to say I don’t want to talk about it now. Now they’ve seen me having a flashback/panic attack, I think they understand the effect. Whereas previously I was answering the questions fairly nonchalantly, and then getting upset later when I was alone.
I’m slightly worried everyone’s talking about me now. But hopefully they’re saying things that make them understand how much of an effect it has, rather than saying how stupid I am for getting upset about something that happened 3 years ago.

 

[blackemerald1]

Wondering if people are talking about you is normal because they now know something about your trauma experience. There's nothing you can do to stop them talking about you behind your back anyway.

As to more talk, questions or commentary about your particular trauma - now that the boss knows they are indulging in asking you questions during work hours, I would simply ask him to tell them to quit it. It's a reasonable request since it's got nothing to do with work and derails your commitment to get your work done.

Your boss should be well aware that all of this 'talk' about you and your history is inappropriate. If he's not aware of this, perhaps it's time to tell him.

 

[Friday]

I’m slightly worried everyone’s talking about me now.

Probably only in the context of Q&A girl is a f*cking moron :shifty: ....and how they can help. Because most people do just want to help, they simply don’t know how, or know what’s appropriate. So without guidance? They play it safe, and keep their heads down.

It’s not that people don’t WANT to ask questions, most simply have the decency NOT to.

Which means that when people ask how you’re doing following this event? Because at least someone (not Q&A girl) will feel the responsibility to... IE probably your boss... shore up your support, that they want to give, anyway. They just need a direction to point it. “The next time Q&A girl badgers me for gruesome details of people dying? I’m walking out and going home. It’s creating a hostile work environment, and I simply shouldn’t have to put up with her, anymore. What she’s doing is beyond rude, it’s cruel & inhumane.”