I Need To Talk To Spouses Of PTSD Sufferers

[RatInaMaze]

I think my husband is suffering from PTSD. He sees a counselor tomorrow for the first time. He is committed to getting help.

Unfortunately, I feel very alone and scared. I went from having a good relationship 3 1/2 weeks ago to feeling alone and bereft. He went to a school for the military(2 weeks). Evidently, he started having nightmares from his time in Bosnia. Before school, he was loving and wonderful, now he is distant and closed off. How do I cope with the loneliness? I have a call into a counseling center, but I am waiting for a call back.

 

[Jawn]

Talking to a counselor yourself is a good step and will help you a lot. There are a lot of people on here that can relate to your situation and provide support/feedback as well. Please read many of the articles on the home page about PTSD as they will help you understand what it is and how it affects people.

Jawn

 

[RatInaMaze]

Thanks Jawn,

I just finished the Understanding PTSD. It had good information. I just don't know what to do. At this time, he seems to get solace from being around the children and caring for our 3 year old. Unfortunately he has closed me out. The article helped me understand part of that- the marriage stressor. It also helped me understand why we seem to be having some of the best sex of our lives.

I moved out of the bedroom last night to give us both space. I really hope I can find a balance between giving him the support he needs and not going crazy myself.

I will read everything I can eventually.

 

[Jawn]

You might want to also look at some of the threads in the Career section of this forum. You will see "similar" stories and how people are dealing with them. Some will be much like yours and some will be worse. Giving him time and space is very important and I'm glad to see you are picking up on that. It took me a long time to figure that out. If your husband gets therapy and is committed to getting better, then there is hope. However, you will need to have patience......more than you have ever needed before. Also make sure you take care of yourself because it is easy for a career to lose track of themselves while worrying about the sufferer and trying to take care of their needs. Seeing your own counselor will make sure that doesn't happen to you.

Post on here your questions, frustrations, etc. It really does help and the support/information you will find on this site is wonderful.

Jawn

 

[RatInaMaze]

Again, thank you. We are blessed with so many loving & caring friends. But none of them can understand what is going on in his head any more than I can. I keep praying for strength and patience.

It amazes me that we have survived for 17 years worth of marital and life issues, including his infidelity about 10 years ago. The sad thing is, it was easier for me to deal with another woman than the demons in his own mind.

 

[RatInaMaze]

I am trying to look at life one day at a time and be grateful for the small things that are happening.

Last night my husband smiled while playing with our 3 year old. He really wanted to take the children to school today. He has his first therapy appoinment in 15 minutes.

I am trying to give my love to him, be available for him, and still give him the space he needs. I am sure he still loves me, it is just lost in there somewhere.

Please God give me strength to love him until he can love me back.

 

[Jawn]

Please God give me strength to love him until he can love me back.

Amen to that and I say the same thing about my wife (frequently).

Jawn

 

[RatInaMaze]

Well, he just had his first appointment. The Therapist says it is definitely PTSD and he has likely been suffering with it since 1996. For some reason, he couldn't hide it any more.

 

[Jawn]

Similar story with my wife. At this point we do not know what or when the trauma occurred, but it's clear now that she has been fighting it for a long time and it finally consumed her about 2 yrs ago. My wife had her first session of EMDR today and is hopefully on track to "figure things out" and get better.

If your husband keeps going to therapy and is determined to get better, then he will, but it won't be easy.

I just noticed in your earlier post that you guys have been together for 17 yrs. Same length of time for my wife and I.

Hang in there,

Jawn

 

[Clyde]

Link RemovedRatInaMaze,

Welcome.

One thing I found really reassuring at some point was a reminder that isolation is just really hard. Someone once told me that most people would rather be yelled at than ignored - a weird reminder of how devastating it can be. So for me, it is important to remember that her (in your case his) being closed off and distance is hard, and it would be for anyone. In fact, it is somehow a sigh of how much you care about each other that makes is so difficult. I try to remind myself that the situation is hard, and by extension (and most importantly) she isn't "doing" this horrible thing to me. She isn't trying to hurt me - it is the situation that is horrible.

I'm not sure I explained that very well, but hopefully it made sense.

Best wishes.
Clyde

 

[kclarkesocal]

I've been married 15+ years, and the PTSD issues only showed in the last two (and the source of the PTSD comes from earlier in her life). I have many similar issues, with the genders reversed. Many times, the woman with whom I have spent half my life (and have two children) seems to be entirely indifferent to my existence. She's getting intensive treatment. And I'm trying to stay sane while hoping for the best and trying to be supportive. Please do make sure that you take care of yourself.

 

[hopeful jenn]

Please God give me strength to love him until he can love me back.

I really needed to have these words to hold onto tonight! My husband has PTSD and has been suffering from it extremely bad, more and more as each hour passes. However, he is not seeking help right now. Has been rescheduling his appts with the VA. We have not been together intimately in months. Now he's ignoring me almost completely. Have you ever seen the episode of Seinfeld where Costanza says "Bless you" to a woman and she ends up having an affair with him? Well as far fetched as that may seem, be the one who no longer gets told Bless You to, much less even to be acknowledged and then laugh.

I miss him, I miss the man even though he lies next to me every night in bed.

He's taken to contacting people on craigslist for "casual encounters", though as funny as it's sounds I'm not worried that he has done anything... he doesn't drive so I'd have to drive him to have an affair, or they'd have to come pick him up...

I'm a photographer and my office is in my home, so I get to pretend all day long like nothing is wrong as to not put anymore pressure on him. I made the decision to start looking for steady income and a job outside the home... I need security and even to have people around me on a regular basis, people who smile, people who say bless you when you sneeze.

I love him and that's the hardest part of it all. I love him, but I can't fix him or get help for him. He loves our 2 year old daughter and is affectionate with her, he gives her attention and is good to her. So I hold onto that he still loves me inside there somewhere too.