The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

[mumstheword]

You won't frickin' believe this; Youngest son went to his best friends, twins Z & A. Went through a plate glass door, didn't he. 70 stitches. Deeeeep cuts in his arm, cuts in his hand and face.

I saw him briefly, the mum came over to get some clean clothes, as the ones he has were covered in blood. He's pretty pale, but in good spirits. I heard him say to broken jaw brother "I'm injured too, now" and he looked smug as.

Apparently the hospital staff were super impressed, they had never had a patient so stoic, having that amount of stitches.

He's still staying at the friends. I have to take him to our local hospital for wound clinic on friday and the gp on saturday.

Can you freakin' believe this week, with my kid's?????

I'm just glad he didn't die. Nobody died, so that's good.

 

[ninja]

Oh my god mums.
What a royally horrendous week. Like, award worthy if there was such a thing.
Sending warmth, all the HEALING, and kindness :hug: :hug:

 

[mumstheword]

I'm a bit numb about a lot of stuff, right now and angry with eX, again. Stuff he said last night, make me realise how he's twisted oldest's mind and scared the sanity out of him.
He is such a cruel, sick, sneaky bastard.
He's so unbelievably covert and cunning with his gaslighting shite.
Aaaaaaaaaaghhhhh!!!!!
But guess what?
My middle son that I thought he had turned against me forever?
Is here, in my house, loving me up, getting care from me, wanting to know me and choosing to stay here, instead of his dad's, in his time of need.
So yeah, there's that.:-)
Maybe, I'm not so much numb as not hurting, clear, somewhat transcendent, meditative, tired but kind of very happy, to have ALL my children back. All loving me, like I love them. I got to hug EVERY SINGLE ONE this week?????
Do you guys know how HUGE that is, grom what I've been through?
It's epically huge.
And Awesome.

 

[mumstheword]

T

Oh my god mums.
What a royally horrendous week. Like, award worthy if there was such a thing.
Sending warmth, all the HEALING, and kindness :hug::hug:

Thank you dear, dear ninja. I'm gratefully receiving all the healing energy I can, right now.
Youngest dawty came over briefly, to bring something over to broken jaw (24 yr old) son. She is heeeeaaaaps better and hobbling around, as opposed to crutching around, on her injured ankle. She was in good spirits.

Oldest is freaking out a bit, again, apparently.
I am tired.
Not too in pain, right now, just really, really weary.

 

[Freida]

Good god. I mean, really! Talk about never doing anything half-assed! So are there any uninjured kids left?
I have to laugh at how you keep track of them hoppy one, cut one, broken jaw one, freaking out one :laugh:
I know it's because you can't list their names obvs, but it still makes me kind of giggle.

All loving me, like I love them. I got to hug EVERY SINGLE ONE this week?????

Yep -- because when things go to hell kids need their mom - no matter how old they are. This is huge! You are the person they turn to for support, for love, for care. No wonder their dad is losing his shit.
You. Won.

Read it again (and again! :hug:)
You. Won

 

[mumstheword]

Good god. I mean, really! Talk about never doing anything half-assed! So are there any uninjured kids left?
I have to laugh at how you keep track of them hoppy one, cut one, broken jaw one, freaking out one :laugh:
I know it's because you can't list their names obvs, but it still makes me kind of giggle.

Yep -- because when things go to hell kids need their mom - no matter how old they are. This is huge! You are the person they turn to for support, for love, for care. No wonder their dad is losing his shit.
You. Won.

Read it again (and again! :hug:)
You. Won

I'll properly know it when.they are free of him, coz ya know, some still live there. But considering gay, 21 yr old son didn't look too wrapt to go back there, earlier this week, hobbly 18 yr old daughter talked about moving out just two days ago and broken jaw boy (24 yr old) is staying up here, in his time of need, and then moving in with his friend, there's only going to be oldest son, there, and I will be able to concentrate on him and help him out.

He has, of course, been having a terrible time, and I would have him up here, but it will also be a big strain on us.

But yeah, he's, pretty much, lost it, the dad, lost his credibility, lost their trust, lost the battle to keep them.from me. That was his ace card. The way he kept me there, all those years, with "If you leave, you'll never get the kid's". Dumb asshat.

He told me, in front of our unstable son, "They told us the cancer was benign" (our son.had a tiny endometrial tumour on his appendix, that surgeons removed, a couple of months ago) but I KNOW they matistacize and spread through the whole body" .
What the f*cking hell? So he's been.telling our son that the tiny tumour they removed, AND tested him again for and he's clear of it, that "it's actually really bad and the doctors don't know what they are talking about and it's going to spread and kill you"
???????
No wonder my.kid is scared, out of his wits. And lies in the floor, whimpering.

See our oldest is the last one, that he still has control over. All the other's have either left, are too strong willed and head strong (24 yr old broken jaw boy, takes after his ma, like that, only he is very male, so, way more disagreeable) or have paired up and are part of a couple now.

So oldest is his number 1 narcissistic supply victim.

I'm gonna get him out of there, though.
You should have seen the big hug he gave me, as soon as I got there, the other day and he said "I love you SO MUCH, Mum". So he needs me. And he is relieved I'm here.


I got to escape, to recover from their Dad, so I can help them recover from their dad

 

[mumstheword]

Good god. I mean, really! Talk about never doing anything half-assed! So are there any uninjured kids left?
I have to laugh at how you keep track of them hoppy one, cut one, broken jaw one, freaking out one :laugh:
I know it's because you can't list their names obvs, but it still makes me kind of giggle.

Yep -- because when things go to hell kids need their mom - no matter how old they are. This is huge! You are the person they turn to for support, for love, for care. No wonder their dad is losing his shit.
You. Won.

Read it again (and again! :hug:)
You. Won

There only a couple uninjured ones, if you count oldest daughter, with her stomach ulcer, who is so run down and foggy headed, from.the drugs they put her on, for her ulcer.

The only uninjured ones are my gay, 21 yr old son, who was staying here and my second oldest (autistic) son, who is, probably in the best shape of everyone, these days, and just scored his first job.

He lives in supported accommodation and has a big(ish) NDIS funding package (thanks to ma) and is thriving, despite still being on psych medication from damage incurred while living at Dad's.

He's been out of the father's "care" for about 4 years now. But still visits on weekends.

 

[mumstheword]

So, oldest son was taken to hospital, last night. He OD,d on a bunch of benzos and then, when dad was driving him in, to the hospital, he tried to jump out of the car.


I was told., only mid morning, by 21 yr old son (gay son) and, by The time I got down to the tiny hospital, here, in town, he had just been taken to the big hospital, in town next door, by ambulance.

I rang though, and got to talk to the lovely nurse, in acute care, who's looking after him, and I talked to him, for ages, like close to an hour. It was good.

I'm actually relieved. He's finally in hospital, and away from his toxic dad.

It was a healing conversation, I gave him a lot of self soothing advice, how to deal with the nasty voices, and reassurance about being in.hospital. I talked to him about future plans, health care, holistic health care plans, I would like to support him, to.implement. I talked to him about comforting his frightened "inner child" and how much I love him and want to support him, and I thanked him for letting me support him, because it's what I want to do.

I can't get in to see him today. My guy is working and I have no transport. Hopefully, tomorrow, he will drive me in, after I take youngest to the "Wound clinic".
This week just keeps on being awesome, doesn't it????
My oldest daughter was deeply depressed and broke down on.The phone on friday, and came over here for support.
Saturday morning, she gets a call from 24 yr old (next youngest brother) saying they, he and youngest dawt's bf has been beat up.
On the way back from Byron, having picked them up, as the hospital, there, has discharged them (negligently) son-in-law starts looking like he might be dying, throws up blood, is clearly in absolute agony and having difficulty breathing.

I stay in hospital with him and youngest daut, til 11 sonething that night. Really horrible watching him in agony, throwing up and my daughter breaking down, also in a lot of pain with badly sprained ankle. She hadn't been in the punch up, but had fallen off a piece of play equipment, a good six foot drop and twisted her ankle.

I'm glad I was there. I got food, blankets, rubbed backs, foreheads and shoulders, gave water, and just provided emotional support.

Next day we got to pick them.up, from.the hospital. And had multiple ph conversation's with 24 yr old, waiting to have his jaw put back together, breaking down and being very frightened, because, he said, a dr had told him if he didn't get his jaw operated on in two days, he would be permanently disfigured.
So he was freaking out, waiting, and stsrving hungry.
Next day, got to go up and take him food and visit.

Oldest daughter stayed the night, me? Bad headache, throwing.up, daughter had just raised the topic of sexual abuse and I started to feel really sick and nauseous. She was saying how hard it was to talk about that stuff. I can tell she wants to, but, right then? Too much, my body let me know. Enough is enough.

Next day broken.jaw son got out and came to stay.

Had oldest ring me that night, saying he was "going to die" that night. Reassured him and told him I'll see you tomorrow.

Saw him when we went to pick up youngest daut and punctured lung/broken.rib son-in-law (practically).
Dad saying how his (oldest son's) tumour (that has been.removed) was going to spread all over his body. This is when.my.son has been psychoticslly terrified, for weeks now. Oldest so grateful for my benevolent and not-codescending reassurance. But, his life has been so hell, something had to give.

I hurt my exposed nerve in.broken tooth, eating, and got drugged to sleep for pain.

Next day, youngest has slashed himself up, through plate glass.70 stitches.

Today, oldest is in emergency, after trying to end it all, last night. I didn't get told, of course, as per usual, by the arsehole dad, until one of my children texted me, and too late to.be there with him, in hospital.

So yeah, my "wonderful" week from hell.

Broken jaw boy went down to his room, at Dad's, when he found our oldest wasn't there. But we are good. He knows he can come up anytime and ask me for anything. He said he would stay down there tonight.

Whatevs.

So, I can do my yoga, at last! No one is here, right now.
At least, I can do my yoga.

 

[Sideways]

So sorry. Definitely glad he's now in safe hands, but very sorry it happened this way. Hopefully they'll keep him in a reasonable period to stabilise.

Encourage that if you get a chance - the public system will assume there's adequate support at home, which there isn't. You have too many injured kids relying on you to take on this level of care right now, and don't be afraid to tell them that if it buys him a few extra nights under close supervision.

ETA Also don't be afraid to tell them that his dad, his previous carer/guardian, has made it clear he isn't willing to adequately supervise medication. Because...he clearly isn't.

 

[mumstheword]

So sorry. Definitely glad he's now in safe hands, but very sorry it happened this way. Hopefully they'll keep him in a reasonable period to stabilise.

Encourage that if you get a chance - the public system will assume there's adequate support at home, which there isn't. You have too many injured kids relying on you to take on this level of care right now, and don't be afraid to tell them that if it buys him a few extra nights under close supervision.

ETA Also don't be afraid to tell them that his dad, his previous carer/guardian, has made it clear he isn't willing to adequately supervise medication. Because...he clearly isn't.

I did let them know that the home environment wasn't healthy and that the dad has a history of neglect, abuse and the unhealthy pot smoking dysfuctionality that is at play. The nurse I spoke to was really lovely, really apologetic for the shabbiness and inadequacy of the mental health system down.here. She voiced she is going to.move into that area, as she knows how much they need caring people in it, and it's really hard getting service.

Son knows he needs to make some significant changes. I hope he, at least, actually, gets admitted. I wanted to.let them know that the environment he's come from is not going to be a condusive-for-recovery environment, simply because of the dad and his twisted, narcy, mindset.


Oh, youngest son just got home, with his bandaged arm and wrist and forehead. Good spirits, but pain and he can't bend his arm.

 

[Freida]

I got to escape, to recover from their Dad, so I can help them recover from their dad

Ok this kind of made me tearyish... The idea that everything you have lived thru - both when you were with him and AFTER you escaped -- has all lead to this point. To be the person who helps your kids recover and find themselves. Wow.

I'm glad I was there. I got food, blankets, rubbed backs, foreheads and shoulders, gave water, and just provided emotional support.

Had oldest ring me that night, saying he was "going to die" that night. Reassured him and told him I'll see you tomorrow.

So in other words you were doing exactly what a mom does!

So yeah, my "wonderful" week from hell.

It does kind of make me giggle -- I mean. Wow. Just. Wow. but I guess its probably the best way in the world to get your kids back -- to be there for them when everything goes to hell.

ETA Also don't be afraid to tell them that his dad, his previous carer/guardian, has made it clear he isn't willing to adequately supervise medication. Because...he clearly isn't.

I can't remember - is this son autistic? Are there any social services that could get involved to help if he is unable to really care for himself but he is living in an unsafe situation?

Here's your feather dustser of the day -- good job doing yoga but you need to make sure you take time EVERY day for yourself. I know, I'm not sure where you would put it in either :laugh: But it's important for your kids as much as for you -- so they can see that it's ok to take time for themselves even when everything around them is falling apart

ETA
looks like we cross posted on the social service stuff for kiddo #1 *)

 

[mumstheword]

Ok this kind of made me tearyish... The idea that everything you have lived thru - both when you were with him and AFTER you escaped -- has all lead to this point. To be the person who helps your kids recover and find themselves. Wow.


So in other words you were doing exactly what a mom does!

It does kind of make me giggle -- I mean. Wow. Just. Wow. but I guess its probably the best way in the world to get your kids back -- to be there for them when everything goes to hell.

I can't remember - is this son autistic? Are there any social services that could get involved to help if he is unable to really care for himself but he is living in an unsafe situation?

Here's your feather dustser of the day -- good job doing yoga but you need to make sure you take time EVERY day for yourself. I know, I'm not sure where you would put it in either :laugh: But it's important for your kids as much as for you -- so they can see that it's ok to take time for themselves even when everything around them is falling apart

ETA
looks like we cross posted on the social service stuff for kiddo #1 *)

No, he's not autistic, at least not intellectually and cognitively impaired on.the spectrum, like second born. He's highly intelligent, but has gut issues, is diagnosed with Crohns disease, was sexually abused as a very young child (two and1/2 ) by some other boy's, older children of members of our band, and then again, by a couple of my sister's, later on in childhood, and a bunch of other traumas after that. Has suffered from depression and S/I for quite a few years, and has a history of party drug abuse abd Cannabis abuse from young. He has "moral injury" on top of that, from a couple of things. One being that he was the one to give my second born.the party drugs that tipped him over, into psychosis, 7 years ago.

He could be on the spectrum, but not noticeably, but then our family and general behaviour of many.members is far from "normal". He has had a number of issues that could point in.that direction. It's hard with trauma and all round family dysfunction, ya know? To isolate what's what.

I mean, I'm pretty sure his dad is on the spectrum, and so am I, also my mum, my dad, mum's mum, my brother and maybe two, maybe three sister's. So it's likely those genetics are a part of what's going on.

I don't know what services I can get involved. I told him he can request me to be there for his psych/pdoc appointment, if he wants me there.

They have my number and my request to keep me in the loop and to draw on me for whatever support and info I can assist with.
Maybe I will go to legal aid and the guardianship office and see what my legal rights and responsibilities are, in relation to a request for guardianship, if that is deemed appropriate.