Coping: The Healthy And The Not So Healthy. How Do You "Deal"?

[ClairBear226]

So now that I've found this group, (and for the first time, kindred spirits in the same hell I've dealt with for so long) I wonder how we've all gotten through it. There seems to be some amazing people here. I've always thought that I was a far stronger person than those people I know that haven't walked through the bowels of hell and lived to tell the tale. Now I know it better than ever. I see what I've been through mirrored in so many posts, and I realize that I'm in good company among the brave and strong.

So one more question for the evening: how do you guys cope with this stuff? I've found that I have both healthy and "less than healthy" coping mechanisms. I've seen people refer to cutting, to drug and alcohol use, meditation, and everything in between. Personally, I prefer humor, distraction, writing, art and music (some wouldn't call what I do music - I'm a bagpiper, lol!). I enjoy the company of good friends, even though most of them don't have a clue what I'm dealing with, and I'm just learning to educate myself about this business that I've been living with for so long. In the not-so-healthy realm, I struggle with my weight, and I occasionally (and I DO mean occasionally) drink.

Are you able to lean on the people that support you, or are you more likely to hide what you're feeling? What gets you through the rough patches, guys? Cuz I'm most definitely there.

 

[BrotatoSalad]

I'm not a terribly great coper :( I really hope my new therapist will help me make better choices. I was smoking again, but I have switched to nicotine gum for when I'm feeling anxious during the day and my Klonopin just does not cut it.

I also feel better when I'm so busy that it is impossible to think about any intruding thoughts- A.K.A. when I am in school, at work, or in clinicals. But I can't just do that 16 hours a day because a lot of it makes me physically tired and then I roll around in bed, stuck in my head. Oh, that rhymed, but not on purpose :(

I have a wonderful boyfriend to lean on, but really the rest of my friends do not even know I have any kind of disorder because I'm still pretty fearful of the stigma (which is why this forum is so great, because I'm already feeling that others just understand).

My boyfriend has essentially helped me stop cutting, I talk to him whenever I need to "use the box," which is our term for it because all my alcohol wipes and blades are in a nice little Chinese box, and he can usually distract me enough or talk me out of it. I also got a tattoo on the 27th, a day where I was just ready to off myself because I had been thinking about it non-stop for about 12 days. It was on the ribs and of Aya, the fern of endurance and overcoming adversities, as well as Memento Viveri (Remember to Live). I love tattoos and piercings, and getting one on the ribs is like being sliced through by a hot scalpel, but instead of these ugly scars I have accumulated, I got this beautiful tattoo. :) http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs200.ash2/46344_463507117385_519422385_6455696_3114_s.jpg[/IMG

My other ways of coping are attempting guitar (trust me, bagpiping is music, and I assure you that you must sound much better than me!), krav maga, and dance. I have had little access to my dance lessons though, which saddens me. I hope your rough patch smoothes out, and you sound like you are doing wonderfully with many of your coping devices.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

CB226 - I'm like you. I try to laugh as often as possible and keep a sense of humour about me. That really seems to help. I also do the writing and music thing (I did both before all this happened - but it's been a bit of a saviour since because it's just a way to express everything and 'get it out of me'). I also love dancing and it's a great form of exercise that isn't as boring as a gym workout (which I'd find quite hard to stick to). Some days I will quite literally spend a good 2 or 3 hours dancing. I have had substance abuse problems in the past but now stay well away from drug use - there was a time I never thought I would be able to say that! Still drink sometimes, although my T seemed to think we can tackle that further down the road as it isn't to a truly harmful or detrimental extent. She probably felt that to take on changing everything at once would be setting unrealistic goals. The feeling of failure is about the last thing someone needs when starting treatment for PTSD.

I've definitely withdrawn from people since starting work on all this. I guess its a combination of embarrassment, fear of judgment, fear of lack of understanding, etc etc which has caused that. It's something I have to work on because deep down my rational self knows they actually care and 'miss me', and that to over-isolate myself is not a healthy thing - still working on finding a balance there. I'm also single atm, so I do most of the work on my own, though I must say that really is by choice at this point in time.

-Jen

 

[Deleted member 6617]

I find I need to have a plan for my day. I need to have things scheduled or I just seem to flounder and sink into my dark place. Especially being self employed this is important for me or I will isolate myself in my house and become paralized in my own negative emotions. That is not only unhealthy, but very bad on the pocket book. Gotta have a plan and things scheduled to get me up and going.

PH

 

[ClairBear226]

I've definitely withdrawn from people since starting work on all this. I guess its a combination of embarrassment, fear of judgment, fear of lack of understanding, etc etc which has caused that.

Boy, do I hear that one. It's not like I don't see people, though. I have a weekly standing coffee clutch, and band practice twice a week, and friends that I see for lunch dates on a regular basis or an occasional evening out. It's not like I don't get out of the house and see people. It's that, for the most part, they don't have a clue. And what Jen said is exactly why. I know that I have some really great friends that would be there in a clutch if I needed them. But the combination of fear and the need to be independant and just tough it out keeps me from saying anything. I have a few friends that know I'm in the midst of a "rough patch" right now, and 2 that know I have PTSD (not that I've really educated them much about it). But today I had a really hard time for awhile. Think I'd pick up the phone and call one of them? Not a chance.

Brotato, your image isn't coming through of you tat, but I'd like to see it. Can you try it again? And I know what you mean about needing more time with the dance. I have plenty of time that I could get my pipes out. Right about now works great for me, at 12:30-ish in the morning. But they seem to frown on this in a residential neighborhood. Go figure, lol!

 

[Deleted member 5760]

Yes CB226,

The thing is - you can run your finger down a list of diagnostic criteria as an 'outsider' and get some kind of definition for PTSD. However, until you really suffer from it or you live with/spend a lot of time with someone who suffers from it - the lack of genuine understanding of the reality of it vs the definition of it can be very misplaced. This forum is a great place for that because it puts a real face on something that is nothing but a checklist in some medical book for some (and not even intentionally) until they've truly come into contact with it.

And I'm lucky because any music equipment I use can have headphones plugged in (thank god for the sake of the neighbours.. hehe). Has anyone invented headphones which can be plugged into a set of baggies? Hehe

-Jen

 

[Michael G.]

CB226,

I really believed I was weak until one of my therapists spoke of my courage. At first I was incredulous - I was taken aback because in that moment it hit me...I must be one badass M.F. to have gone through all of this for decades and still be alive. It's true and no exaggeration; I'm a fighter, and I live on.

To cope, on the positive side, I watch comedy talk shows at night during the week like David Letterman and Craig Furgeson. I am a semi-professional musician, but I haven't worked with a band since the late 90's. On my own I have produced three CDs in my home studio. I do that for fun, but I get tired of it after a while, because it's actually a lot of work. But I love to play guitar, bass guitar and ketboards. I don't like the sound of my voice, but I did sing on one of my projects and I love the finished CD. [I am not here to promote anything].

I need to find new things to do though.

I am sober now for 21 years. I am an alcoholic/drug abuser in recovery even after all that clean time. I'll be cured when they throw that first shovel of dirt on my coffin. Using simply isn't an option for me. My abstinence allows me to work on my PTSD.

I wish all of you the best, and for now.... Good Night.

-Mike

 

[Cthulhu]

how do you guys cope with this stuff?

I'm a workaholic, I stun my thoughts with loads of work and as few free time as possible... I have a full-time job, a weekend job and am going to evening school to get my university entrance qualification. I'm perfectionistic, I want to do whatever I do as good as possible, but even though it's never good enough for myself.
Everyone "out there" thinks I'm SO strong, SO target- oriented. Maybe I am, but it is only to keep myself functioning and to have a goal in life.

I know that I am treating myself like I was treated when I was a child, well, it's the way I am. I try to reward myself from time to time for things. Even that resembles the way I was treated as a child but... It works.

In the past I drank and paralyzed my thoughts with drugs, pain and things like that. I think my actual way is the better one, even if it may not be healthier.

Greetings

Cthulhu

 

[BrotatoSalad]

Brotato, your image isn't coming through of you tat, but I'd like to see it. Can you try it again? And I know what you mean about needing more time with the dance. I have plenty of time that I could get my pipes out. Right about now works great for me, at 12:30-ish in the morning. But they seem to frown on this in a residential neighborhood. Go figure, lol!

Link Removed :hello:

 

[Mandolin]

How I Deal

It's good to be reading this and seeing how other folks do it. Much like a poster earlier in this thread, I am a recovering alcoholic who will always need recovery. I do think that my recovery has helped me sort a lot of things out in myself beyond simply not using.

I have cut before in my life, on limited occasions. It was never habitual and it has been almost two years since the last time, but I can say that was a really unfortunate coping mechanism I did turn to when things got really bad.

I try to keep busy, I think that it's good advice for myself so far as I don't take it too far to the point where I cannot sit with myself at all. I have fibro myalgia as well and since I do not work any longer because of it, filling up my day can be difficult at times. And sometimes it's hard to get going because of the fatigue and pain issue in there. But I do ride my bicycle, and aside from it being physically taxing at times-it really does help with my state of mind. While battling this cigarette addiction, I have decided I want to start jogging as well. I write, I paint, I play video games.

Admittedly, my fantasy RPGs really do help with settling myself down-but again, as a recovering addict I am always wary of overdoing anything and thankfully I don't (yet). But darn, if being an Elf for a couple of hours doesn't help.

I have a really wonderful boyfriend, myself. He is a total "normie" as a lot of people in recovery call non-addicts. He has never had mental health issues either, but I do believe he does the best he can to support me and every little bit helps.

I do think my biggest help is still my sobriety, because there is a lot of work involved in maintaining it and that helps me to feel like I am always making at least some small progress on the path to getting healthier. I do volunteer work usually surrounding that part of my life, and I also think that has helped me deal. I always need to try and get out of my head, and not isolate.

 

[lilstar]

I'm really not coping very well, I seem to isolate myself alot. I get very depressed and have bad coping stratagies :-(

 

[bluesky]

Hi there

Up until recently I found it very difficult to overcome guilt and have healthy coping mechanisms. Part of my brain will say that I'm not worth helping (usually God gets dragged into it), so it's been difficult to get past that. It's an extremely convincing 'voice'.

I used to cope through Bulimia, however because of the massive appetite loss associated with my first episode of PTSD, I actually lost the urge to act on the impulse. Blessing in disguise perhaps! So my coping mechanisms right now revolve around celebrity gossip sites (they can be absurd, and divert my attention away), smoking and academic pursuits (when I can focus).

I do however have a list of coping mechanisms I am working to integrate.
1. Origami
2. Brushing my Dog
3. Cleaning!
3. List making
4. Practice musical instrument

I think the barrier to productive coping in my situation is a conviction that I am unforgiveable and deserve to experience the bad feelings.

Hope these helped?