Relationship Birthday ..

[mumstheword]

Me and my guy are both sucky at dates. I've missed his bday and I'm crazy about him and we live together! I'll miss important therapy dates, if they're too far away and I'm not given a text reminder. Yes, it's totally sucky, we both feel terrible, coz, we both care, but with damaged brains and endocrine systems, just day-to-day life is challenging enough to cope with. I also missed voting last year So did my guy!), I really wanted to and we, here, in Australia, get fined when we don't, so, yeah. Seems it goes with the territory.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Is it normal for those who suffer from ptsd to forget birthdays or days that are important ?

Sufferer here.

I forget everything. I make calender entries in my phone where it alerts me for every little thing cuz if I don't, I WILL forget to do XYZ, call XYZ, or whatever. Even very important things. Its a given that I will forget. Taxes. Who forgets to do taxes? Me. Renewing your car plates. I forgot to do that one year and remembered only after they were expired and had to leave work to go to the DMV as I was driving with expired plates. It's bad!

This only started to happen this bad since I've been in treatment for PTSD. So, I think it has to do with the chaos that drudging up trauma creates in your brain.

 

[runswithwolves]

My birthday is this coming Thursday, I have a trip planned to see T and when I mentioned I was excited and all I wanted for my birthday was to see him, he replied back with “Tell me the date again babe. I told you you'd have to remind me all the time. I can't remember dates.” Is it normal for those who suffer from ptsd to forget birthdays or days that are important ?

I’m struggling internally with this. I’ve told him at least a dozen times what day my birthday is, we’ve had this trip planned for over a month, and he still forgets.

As far as I know it is normal to forget dates. When I am dealing with bad symptoms I deal with more forgetful behavior. I understand that I have a higher chance of shcizophrenia so I get nervous or scared when my symptoms get bad I forget dates but it never last long only when I am really stress and I always take it as a sign to get my symptoms under control.

But I understand as a woman you want to feel validated and important and it would be nice for him to priotize remembering a date he should be excited for. But it could be something he can't help, the only thing you can do is talk to him about it.

 

[Survivor3]

I'm terrible with my parents birthdays. Mothers day, fathers day. My brother's I can remember. Don't know why! ?

 

[AngelBaby]

As far as I know it is normal to forget dates. When I am dealing with bad symptoms I deal with more forgetful behavior. I understand that I have a higher chance of shcizophrenia so I get nervous or scared when my symptoms get bad I forget dates but it never last long only when I am really stress and I always take it as a sign to get my symptoms under control.

But I understand as a woman you want to feel validated and important and it would be nice for him to priotize remembering a date he should be excited for. But it could be something he can't help, the only thing you can do is talk to him about it.

So today... technically yesterday was my birthday. I spent time with my children, sister, mom, had a great day actually. Even received a very strange email from my children’s father wishing me a happy birthday, we don’t even have the easiest coparenting relationship. .. That is what got me tho. I put all the boyfriend things aside, spent my time with my family and once I had a second to be alone, I couldn’t help myself but feel saddened. I received an email from my ex but the one person who I have reminded at least a dozen times of when not only my birthday but my fathers birthday was and I don’t even get a phone call?. He reached out to me on my dads birthday. 2 days later, nothing.

A few hours later I sent him a text and he apologized to me, he’s going through a lot, Had a bad day and didn’t want to ruin mine, saying he just needs to try to get sleep because he’s under a lot of stress but he’s so grateful for me and promised to make it up to me.
So I know what you’re saying is true. He doesn’t Have any malicious intent. I’m just trying to get a grip of my feelings better.

 

[OrangeJulius]

Happy belated birthday! Im so glad you had a good time with your family!

So I know what you’re saying is true. He doesn’t Have any malicious intent. I’m just trying to get a grip of my feelings better.

Yup. It hurts. It really does. Even when you know what's going on and understand it at some superficial level, it still hurts when the one person you want to be there for you can't be there for you.

It sounds like you are very involved with your family, which is great because hopefully that means they're part of your support system. Being in a PTSD relationship means you absolutely need a good support system outside your partner.

Over the summer we put my grandmother on hospice and she died within a week. She was an old lady and didn't know who we were anymore so it was a good thing, but still sad obviously. My uncle and I were with her when she passed. I texted my boyfriend that she was gone with ALL the sad emojis. His response? "I thought she'd last longer." He didn't come to the funeral....we didn't even discuss that. I was too emotional to be turned down so I didn't ask. He was home playing video games during it so he could have easily gone with me.

I tell you this to say, it sucks when your partner can't show up for you. It really does. Make sure you have a good support system outside him so when you have good times to celebrate and bad times to grieve, you dont feel alone or resentful and your emotional needs are met. Personally, I have a big family and a good chunk of them live locally. I was having dinner with them and calling/texting them during that time and we leaned on each other. I wished my boyfriend could step up and I was VERY disappointed he didn't. But my family was there to take care of my emotional needs and I didn't feel alone.

 

[Freida]

He doesn’t Have any malicious intent

Nope - sometimes the demons win without us ever getting a chance to play.

I’m just trying to get a grip of my feelings better.

I don't know that you need to get a better grip. I think it's entirely ok to be upset or resentful or just plain ole pissed off. I mean, missing your bday is a big deal. I can give you dozens of reasons why it happened, but that doesn't mean you aren't supposed to be upset. It's just one of the really awful parts of being in a ptsd relationship.