State of emergency/isolation and high anxiety

[SeekingAfrica]

I am having a really tough time. Not much has changed, and yet everything has changed. Alone from anything that may or may not happen in medicine or economy through this situation, I am feeling the effects on myself.

I spend 2 years getting to a better state, and now everything is getting rocky very fast. I don't know what it is, if it's the constant panic in the news and in people. Or if it's the fact that part of a PTSD starting for me included hiding in a room after the trauma, waiting when it's safe to come out, waiting and sneaking and thinking once I can go home I will be back to myself again. That constant feeling of not knowing what to expect and every day bringing something harder you couldn't forsee. Or maybe that sense of having to figure out how to do normal daily things like shopping and other things without breaking rules and having to search for places still delivering that won't take weeks to deliver because everyone is ordering. Some countries I believe gave a tentative date for when they may resume regular life. Where I am, they did not. Obviously, there was a law stating it can be 90 days at most, and then if situation is dire renewed for 90 days more. But other than that, no one can tell you if it will be a week or a month or the full 90 days. Every time I need something beyond food, it feels like it's a whole task requiring research to figure out how to get to it possibly. Every shopping in person doesn't make me any less on edge.

It's getting harder to wake up on time.
It's getting harder to clean or work.
I keep having daily anxiety and having to break tasks in mini baby steps.
It's getting harder to reply to emails or calls even if they feel good when I actually do them.
It's getting harder to show up for my online dance class, even though I need the exercise.
I did few things this more, and everything I need to do ends up a deadend or unproductive and I am starting to feel waves between anxiety and dissociation. Like I just need something to work, something to happen, today, now. I know this way of thinking, I've been there, when I am so anxious that I can't think straight. And yet it's not helpful knowing that because the need is still there.
A part of me wishes this whole thing would be 90 days exactly because at least then I would know exactly what is heading towards me(that doesn't mean I wish anyone would have bad health, obviously. it's just this irrational to have some control, some knowledge, some way to adapt and not be thinking - who knows how things will change tomorrow). Never been great at adaptation and this time feels like a kick in the gut.
I am greatful it's not worse, but that doesn't mean I'm doing well.
A part of me wishes it can end tomorrow, because again, that would mean I know what is coming.
This, feels like limbo, like we're neither here nor there, waiting for change.

 

[Ronin]

Sounds depression looming round hard, yes?

You can act as if it's the 90 days... and after then catch a breath again and get going anew.

But if you need deadlines for your sanity? Bring them on, and all they help you uphold... and then prolong them when the outside world doesn't catch up to you, yet. ;)

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Sounds depression looming round hard, yes?
You can act as if it's the 90 days... and after then catch a breath again and get going anew.
But if you need deadlines for your sanity? Bring them on, and all they help you uphold... and then prolong them when the outside world doesn't catch up to you, yet. ;)

Wow, didn't see this from my writing and venting until you said it.
Yes, indeed, I think I do. Need deadlines, for my sanity. Especially in high stress times, without them I start feeling like I'm floating and the situation won't end(even if I logically know that it will). That is an awesome idea. Pick a deadline and act as if it will be this long(90 days or until may or whatever) and then adapt if it doesn't end up true-simple and elegant. Great idea. I will do for sure.

I also made 3 other decisions today, within the situation, for my own health:
1. To look news once a day only.
2. To shop in person once a week or order online, so I don't stress so much. Or, combination of both.
3. Relate that because of said mental health struggles I may be slower work-wise for couple of days (so I can be upfront and still keep the work which I'm lucky to have right now, no doubt- despite of the anxiety having made me less productive)- already did that one and my client has been very warm and understanding, which I much appreciated(it's earned though, we've worked 5+ years together, or me for her, as it is, with some 1 year where there wasn't work but still)

So yeah... I hope these few choices with help me get on track. Really struggling with both the depression and the anxiety side of this right now. I know I'm not alone, but still, need to adapt.

Thank you for the great idea!