Sexual Assault High anxiety all the time

[LucyLou]

When I first spoke to my therapist about this thing that happened in the bar a few weeks ago and not being able to remember anything, I remember saying how I was fine to leave it at that and be better not knowing but now time has moved on, it's not realistic, is it. My friend (the one who I went out with) sent me so many messages yesterday about how she's here for me, if I want to talk and that she's worried about me/wants me to go round today to talk but I can't talk to her like I used to. The way I see the friendship has changed and I blame her for what happened and I feel angry at her about putting me in that situation, I know this may be misplaced and I should be blaming the guy but I don't have any other face/body to blame and I kind of need that. I feel anxious the majority of the time and when I don't feel anxious I feel sick/tired and to be honest, I don't know if that's solely to do with this situation or the little ones dad too because with him, he makes me feel upset, anxious, fed up, not good enough and on edge all at the same time. I should of spoken about this in my appt yesterday but you know what I'm like, when it gets too hard, I back off. I don't know whether it worth seeing if my therapist has any appts left for today or tomorrow (she doesn't work Fri or Mon) I don't know

 

[Movingforward10]

What's stopping you from reaching out to your T?

I would stop myself too because I felt it wasn't bad enough, but she had been clear she was there in a crisis and I could reach out. She might not always be able to respond immediately but it helped to get a response from her. That would mostly be an email response with validation and some suggestions to help. One time she offered to speak with me over the phone too, in-between sessions.

What is the agreement you have with your T about contact in-between sessions or needing an additional session?

Reaching out is a sign of self care.

 

[LucyLou]

She has said before how if I felt it was needed, we could have 2 sessions in a week, if she's available. I just, don't know....don't want to bug her or have her feel she has to squeeze me in

 

[Movingforward10]

She has said before how if I felt it was needed, we could have 2 sessions in a week, if she's available. I just, don't know....don't want to bug her or have her feel she has to squeeze me in

That's really great you have had that discussion and it's an option.
You won't be bugging her at all. Totally understandable you feel like that, but I completely imagine she won't experience it like that.
And therapist are really great at boundaires: she won't feel pressured to squeeze you in. She will look at her diary and see if it is possible or not.
She might not have space, but that doesn't mean she can't offer an email back that helps and to talk about additional sessions in your next one.
Or she might have space and that works for you.
But she'll offer what she can and what she thinks is going to help you.

I hope you feel able to reach out.

 

[arfie]

awareness is a mighty force. when i first started losing my denial and repression, awareness of how many leaks there were in that defense felt like a brand new beast bubbling out of the psycho cauldron. i felt like chicken little running around the farm yard crying, "THE SKY IS FALLING!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!" the new awareness felt like public enemy number one.

fast forward a few decades and i have learned how to take such new awareness in a more tolerant stride. those are symptoms, not character defects. no need for high drama. ply therapy tools and move on. small steps, big faith and lots of prayer.

don't want to bug her or have her feel she has to squeeze me in

reaching out to break isolation is one of my most important therapy tools. even when the therapy supporter is busy enough to feel bugged and/or can't squeeze me in, the reaching out serves to break isolation.

 

[LucyLou]

I've sent her an email to see if she has anything available tomorrow

 

[LucyLou]

9.45 appt for tomorrow

 

[Movingforward10]

Fantastic!!

Well done for reaching out and so pleased you got an outcome that you wanted.

 

[LucyLou]

I've calmed myself now, so feel bad about taking an appt that could of waited

 

[Friday]

The way I see the friendship has changed and I blame her for what happened and I feel angry at her about putting me in that situation, I know this may be misplaced and I should be blaming the guy but I don't have any other face/body to blame and I kind of need that.

I’m so sorry. That’s such a lose/lose situation. Hopefully they're a really shitty person and deserve it, instead of a great person who really cares about you. That limits the damage somewhat.

I've calmed myself now, so feel bad about taking an appt that could of waited

A moment of peace doesn’t make all of those very valid things you weren’t quite up to last session magically go away. I’d be surprised if they could even all be addressed in one session. Not the last nor the next. So this is the perfect bridge/opening to lay them out, so you can really dig in the following session.

 

[Movingforward10]

I've calmed myself now, so feel bad about taking an appt that could of waited

Knowing you have the appointment could be a large part of feeling calm. Knowing that someone, your T, heard you, can be there for you, and help you. All those things help calm. So I'm not surprised the initial crisis has passed right now. However, tomorrow is a chance to talk through what was making you anxious to help process it and develop more ways to cope.
It's all good.
She'll be glad the initial crisis has reduced and that you can work on it together tomorrow.

 

[LucyLou]

Had 2nd session of the week this morning and man, I needed it! I feel much better from just talking things out with her, we mostly spoke about my friend and the bar incident. I told her how I thought it was something I could just leave alone but how I wasn't being realistic and how it was the same for everything else....how the talking around things and stopping isn't helping because I'm going from one thing to another without fully going into it and then had a whole meltdown but she's so amazing and she helped. Our plan is to go right back to the start because she said she believes this has affected every part of my relationship with myself and other people. I know I need to do better at talking and I've admitted this. So we'll just see how we get on now!