HealingMama
MyPTSD Pro
I am dealing with a genuine violation of trust, that my partner isn't taking seriously because a lot of my history I have reacted to PTSD related cognitive distortions around trust that make me hypersensitive. So I guess it is a boy who cried wolf situation but he basically put my life in danger on purpose. He took it back later, but what the actual F.
I discovered that my partner went behind my back to tell my stepdaughter who was planning to visit us that it was fine to see a group of people just before she travels to us, and not to tell me that she had done so. He didn't want to deal with my anxiety about it, and solved that problem by telling her to lie.
Another stepdaughter was visiting a few weeks ago and she went off to socialize in the neighborhood without talking to me about it first when he was gone to work. I did not go off on her like my feelings wanted me to, but I did give him an earful when he was headed home to address it. It would have been ok if she discussed with me ahead of time that she was planning to use precautions but I just suddenly discovered she was roaming the neighborhood talking to new friends. So that is the context under which he decided to encourage a lie.
I don't know what reactions in me are real and valid, what's just residue of the PTSD related thinking, what's just the general relationship toxicity. I'm not sure I want to move past this particular betrayal. I am considered high risk of complications including death and my spouse thought it would be ok to make the decision for me about increasing exposure risk and hide it. He thinks that I am overreacting and it's normal for a partner to say "don't tell your mom" to a kid in order to avoid negative consequences. I think that doesn't make it right, and if you don't have trust what is even the point of being with someone?
He has since apologized and said he thought about it and decided he was wrong. But how can I ever trust him again? Trusting him is already a big struggle for me because his ADHD makes him unreliable and he gets too defensive to take care of my feelings about that.
How do you get over trust issues when the people closest to you prove you were right not to trust them?
Honestly I don't even know where the trust issues come from. I was emotionally abused and I guess that's enough to put it there. Maybe it's the sexual issues that I'm not even sure really happened. Or an overreaction to sudden death where now I need everyone to be super transparent with information so I can brace myself for more death. I don't know. I know I can't see my way to a more balanced view of trust when my partner violates it like this.
I discovered that my partner went behind my back to tell my stepdaughter who was planning to visit us that it was fine to see a group of people just before she travels to us, and not to tell me that she had done so. He didn't want to deal with my anxiety about it, and solved that problem by telling her to lie.
Another stepdaughter was visiting a few weeks ago and she went off to socialize in the neighborhood without talking to me about it first when he was gone to work. I did not go off on her like my feelings wanted me to, but I did give him an earful when he was headed home to address it. It would have been ok if she discussed with me ahead of time that she was planning to use precautions but I just suddenly discovered she was roaming the neighborhood talking to new friends. So that is the context under which he decided to encourage a lie.
I don't know what reactions in me are real and valid, what's just residue of the PTSD related thinking, what's just the general relationship toxicity. I'm not sure I want to move past this particular betrayal. I am considered high risk of complications including death and my spouse thought it would be ok to make the decision for me about increasing exposure risk and hide it. He thinks that I am overreacting and it's normal for a partner to say "don't tell your mom" to a kid in order to avoid negative consequences. I think that doesn't make it right, and if you don't have trust what is even the point of being with someone?
He has since apologized and said he thought about it and decided he was wrong. But how can I ever trust him again? Trusting him is already a big struggle for me because his ADHD makes him unreliable and he gets too defensive to take care of my feelings about that.
How do you get over trust issues when the people closest to you prove you were right not to trust them?
Honestly I don't even know where the trust issues come from. I was emotionally abused and I guess that's enough to put it there. Maybe it's the sexual issues that I'm not even sure really happened. Or an overreaction to sudden death where now I need everyone to be super transparent with information so I can brace myself for more death. I don't know. I know I can't see my way to a more balanced view of trust when my partner violates it like this.