Other My trauma: anyone with anything similar? - Prostitution & Betrayal

[Alien0n3arth]

I would like to share the trauma I went through and try to figure out how it affects me and how it happened that directly after escaping that hell I started a normal life as if nothing happened.

It happened first in 2011 I met a charming guy who told me fairytales about his success businesses etc. I felt happy and lucky that I found such a good guy who would she care of me, as he promised, he must have recognized that I was through hard times before and that I’m naive. I had no friends and family also treated me bad, I was treated as if I was disabled, but in a sense that stupid, inferior to others. Now I know I have autistic traits, and that explains a lot. I was always slower to pick on things often couldn’t do that at all, always the last one, the clumsy one and without friends, living in my own rich inner world.

So when I finally found someone who cared for me (I thought so) I felt extremely happy. I escaped home, moved in and was ready to start the new life. And then it turned out what was his intentions.

I was forced to prostitution. I couldn’t even recognize it’s something wrong happening to me. I didn’t want but got threatened with gun on my head. I was kept hungry for days and weeks. I got weak and skinny. My body wasn’t mine, it belonged to him and the customers. Till today I hate the word customer. To me it means someone who comes too close and takes my body out of me.

I had a laptop I had to also make camera shows. On that laptop I downloaded a demo version of photoshop and gimp and started creating pictures and animations. Whole time when I was not raped by the customers I spent in the programs. Even when my body was stolen from me my mind was still there in the programs. This hobby helped me stay sane.

I have no problem being around people, although they are often overwhelming to me. I have no problem leaving bed. I have no flashbacks or bad dreams. As a kid I used to feel something but had hard time recognizing it. Now I think I don’t feel anything. This trauma plus antidepressants I got few years later turned off my ability to feel effectively.

Is anyone with anything like similar experience? I escaped with a help of a customer who fell in love with me and he noticed that I’m not doing fine. I didn’t notice that at that time. I wasn’t with him in a relationship though I’m grateful to him and he told me I opened his eyes and he would never use any woman services like this. And he finally found wife and has a child. All that money my body earned belongs to that abuser who forced me.

I don’t want money I don’t want justice, I just want peace and I pray to god that I never ever meet these people.

 

[PamelaS]

I would like to share the trauma I went through and try to figure out how it affects me and how it happened that directly after escaping that hell I started a normal life as if nothing happened.

It happened first in 2011 I met a charming guy who told me fairytales about his success businesses etc. I felt happy and lucky that I found such a good guy who would she care of me, as he promised, he must have recognized that I was through hard times before and that I’m naive. I had no friends and family also treated me bad, I was treated as if I was disabled, but in a sense that stupid, inferior to others. Now I know I have autistic traits, and that explains a lot. I was always slower to pick on things often couldn’t do that at all, always the last one, the clumsy one and without friends, living in my own rich inner world.

So when I finally found someone who cared for me (I thought so) I felt extremely happy. I escaped home, moved in and was ready to start the new life. And then it turned out what was his intentions.

I was forced to prostitution. I couldn’t even recognize it’s something wrong happening to me. I didn’t want but got threatened with gun on my head. I was kept hungry for days and weeks. I got weak and skinny. My body wasn’t mine, it belonged to him and the customers. Till today I hate the word customer. To me it means someone who comes too close and takes my body out of me.

I had a laptop I had to also make camera shows. On that laptop I downloaded a demo version of photoshop and gimp and started creating pictures and animations. Whole time when I was not raped by the customers I spent in the programs. Even when my body was stolen from me my mind was still there in the programs. This hobby helped me stay sane.

I have no problem being around people, although they are often overwhelming to me. I have no problem leaving bed. I have no flashbacks or bad dreams. As a kid I used to feel something but had hard time recognizing it. Now I think I don’t feel anything. This trauma plus antidepressants I got few years later turned off my ability to feel effectively.

Is anyone with anything like similar experience? I escaped with a help of a customer who fell in love with me and he noticed that I’m not doing fine. I didn’t notice that at that time. I wasn’t with him in a relationship though I’m grateful to him and he told me I opened his eyes and he would never use any woman services like this. And he finally found wife and has a child. All that money my body earned belongs to that abuser who forced me.

I don’t want money I don’t want justice, I just want peace and I pray to god that I never ever meet these people.

I’m sorry for what brought you here, but you are among fellow comrades who have been mistreated, that’s an extremely mild statement. I believe that my son is on the spectrum, and I’m wondering if I am too. I just read a post that described us all here as something like extreme survivors. I agree with that statement. I recently spent 6 weeks in a facility and they didn’t have a clue what they were doing. They didn’t even have PTSD listed as a possible diagnosis. They just labeled you according to their charts and their best guess so that they could put you on antipsychotics and condemn you to a chain on your medical record that introduces you as a nut to any new doctor or any current doctor who chooses to believe the lies. I know why I ended up there. And every day that I was in there I fought for my rights. Because of me they have now started a program for patients with PTSD. The truth that I believe is that we are all a result of what we have gone through, and all mental health should be viewed through that lens first before they start looking through their charts to see where you fit. That is for their benefit, not ours. If they really want to help us, I believe they should be helping us to understand how we got here, and helping us to figure out how to get to a better place. We didn’t do this to ourselves. But, we are the only ones who really know what caused our situation. Oh if the mental health system would figure that out, maybe we could all move forward to something better. I am not against the system of providing meds to help with symptoms, but it has to be approached differently, and if you don’t start with why we got this way, then we will have a much harder time being able to move forward to a better place. In the past year I have been recovering from what the hospital and the system has done to me. I didn’t need that extra trauma to be added to the cause of what got me here.
I don’t remember if I addressed anything that you brought up, but it got me started in this direction, so I went with it. Wishing you the peace that we all long for.